Today is my sunshiny day...

Today has been a great day - not once but TWICE!

This clearly will make sense to no one else other than me, but you just need to know that today is one of the best days I've had in awhile.

It's one of those days where I just can't wipe the smile off my face - and it's not even over yet! :) I get to go and have the best salad in the WORLD (okay...it's close to that) with the girls tonight at our monthly girl's dinner. AND I get some Chai Tea that I have been jonesing for.

My life, at least today, rocks.

I have optimism, strength, hope, and friends that are too good to be true.

Seriously, my face is actually sore from smiling all day.

(sigh) :)

My new favorite thing to read...

is dooce. :)

Thanks Lisa D for introducing her (and the year's best blog) to me.

She is funny, people. Funny funny funny funny funny!

This one made me laugh.

This one was funny AND sweet. Gosh - I think being a parent and blogging about it would be nifty. :) Plus her pictures are absolutely adorable. :)

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

Yesterday wanted to rent two specific movies.  Instead what I came away with was the first season of "The Office" (I had never seen those episodes) and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." 

First, "The Office."  I love that show.  The end. :)

Now the second rental.  So this movie is weird.  I'm trying to remember when I saw it - and I just don't remember.  They mention 2004 in it a couple of times, but I can't remember who I saw it with.  In fact, the only thing I really remembered was the basic plot of the movie...that a girl and a guy decide that they're in so much pain over their relationship that they erase each other from their memories. 

It's a great movie in the sense of what it tries to do - artistically speaking.  And it's such a strange concept that I really liked the movie.  Kinda' like "Adaptation," also written by Charlie Kauffman.  At one point in the movie, Jim Carrey's character, Joel, is remembering all the scenes of his relationship with Kate Winslet's character, Clementine.  This particular memory is a sweet memory.  And he's screaming out loud, "Please let me keep this memory.  Just this one."  Of course, it is erased.

WARNING: do not read this next paragraph if you want to watch the movie and be surprised at the end.  What I do like about the movie is how it depicts at the end that basic attraction is just that - something undeniable that can happen in any situation.  I like that at the end of the movie they meet again and decide that they are excited about each other all over again.  I like that they make their memories again.  Maybe not the same ones, but they make memories.

It *is* a weird movie.  That I'll grant you.  But it gives me hope that the poor choices I might have made or might be making may not change or significantly alter the course of my life.  That the job that I do or do not get offered won't dramatically change who I am at the core - or, if there is such a thing, who I am meant to be with.  It smudges the idea of finality.  And I like that concept. :)

I'm usually a pretty logical person.  But I like movies that allow me to dream and to hope.

(sigh)

Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna' make them alive.  But I'm just a fucked up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.

Atomic Dogs

So, I've been sick since Friday morning - the same crud that's probably been passed around every office in the US this week. :)  In fact, I've been so under the weather that I missed out on some plans that I had with some friends for St. Pat's - but more on that tomorrow.  Suffice it to say that I was crushed that I couldn't be with them.  

I did participate in a game night with some friends.  My friends Kim and Chris invited a couple of us over to their house to play some games.  And I have to say, I am a big game person - I love them!  Is it rude of me to say that I'm a good teammate?  Cocky?  Well...it's true.  I'm sure it's because I'm competitive, but hey... I have to have a fault somewhere, right?  Anyway, we ended up playing one of my favorite games, Apples to Apples.  Another game night attendee was Matt - SOOOO funny.  I laugh so hard every time I'm around him.  This game is one where you pick cards and play cards based upon what you think someone else will think is most like the card that was picked. :)  Hee hee...was that clear or what? :)  Just trust me...it's fun.  Anyway, Matt knows what a sarcastic person I am so he would constantly play cards that knew I would pick.  Thus why he won the first round.  His wife, Kelly, is a such a sweet person too - and I get to see her (and two other game night attendees) this week at our monthly Girls' Dinner.   

Me laughing like that hasn't happened since...well... since Reno so it was nice to forget all the stresses of every day world - if only for a little while.

I also went to a volunteer meeting for a dog rescue that I'm involved with and met one of the CUTEST puppies I've seen in a long time.  His name was Deacon - and here he is at 11 weeks.  

Today he is 18 weeks and he is 97 pounds and he is SOOO cute! :)  He is a mastiff and he made me re-think my Great Danes forever plan. :)  UGH!  I couldn't get over how cute he is!!  If you ever find yourself down, just pet a puppy.  They'll cheer you right up! :)

Speaking of dogs, I took Chassis into PetsMart today to get her nails trimmed.  It was not a day too soon, too! :)  What should've been a 15 minute trip was actually a couple of hours.  We can't go anywhere without someone stopping to pet her and ask what she is.  I swear, that dog gets so much attention for me, it's like having a permanent wingman! :)  The bummer is the guys that are in awe of her are either 8 years old or there with their girlfriends/wives.  And despite what people seem to think these days, I'm not out to snatch me a married man. :)  Actually, I get my fair share of older men too who like to talk to me about their old dane, or big dog, or in today's case a cockatoo.  I'm not saying I was volunteering or anything, but it was a bunch of fun to go out in public, educate people on the breed, see kids faces light up, and just have some positive energy thrown my way.  

Not even gone yet...

...and I miss you like crazy.

Hee hee :)

Just because it's Friday...

My big baby :)

Last night I was reading before I went to sleep.  My dog (who I could hear in the other room, snoring soundly) all of the sudden woke up and ran into my room (which is rare - I really have a small bedroom) and just stood there, leaning next to the bed with this worried look on her face.

Poor baby, I think she had a nightmare...and came to me to protect her.

So I leaned down and gave her tons of loving.  I reassured her that it was just a dream, that she was a good dog, and that nothing was going to hurt her.  About five minutes later she backed out of the room (yes, it's that small) and went to go to sleep.   I encouraged her to get on the bed if she wanted to before she left, but apparently because she is never allowed up there, she was either confused or scared a little of that too.

Awww...she may be big, she may be a baby, but she's my big baby. :)

Who's making all that noise?

It's me! :)  

I saw "Stomp!" today and absolutely loved it.  If you haven't seen or heard of the show, you are missing out!  It's a live show where they don't speak, they don't have any political standpoint, no offensive material... just awesome music in the form of percussion.  They make music with various objects... everything from Zippo lighters to literally the kitchen sink.  I was in awe and sat on the edge of my seat the whole time.

While in view of people at the theater, I was able to refrain from banging things around...I even held it together in the car, but when I got home and had to refill Chassis' food bowl I discovered that it made a neat sound.  A snap here... a clap there... good stuff.  I stopped shy of picking up my broom, whipping it around, smacking it on the floor, and probably breaking a window or Chassis' legs in the process.

But oh, how it was cool. :) :) :)

CAT and Zoltar

Remember this week?

It was the week of two life-changing epiphanies.  In the past month, I've applied for 4 different jobs...three in the lovely Peoria, Illinois area and one in the UK.  All with Caterpillar.  Now I think there is a 99.9% chance that I will not get hired in the UK... because realistically, what company would take a chance on a new hire like that, but you never know.  And hey, I'm young, I'm single, and well unsure about what life will bring.  The Peoria jobs are all Black Belt jobs (hi-YA! <--karate sounds, not sounds of a friendly neighbor!) and Process Control Engineer jobs... basically, I'd be responsible for making things better.  And HELLO!  I do that naturally. :)  In all seriousness, it'd be making processes more efficient, less costly, etc.  The big thing that I was struggling with is the idea of leaving Denver.  You know, the place that I've wanted to come back to most of my life.  I've lived in Denver longer than I've lived any place else my life (7 years when I was younger and the past 5 years) and I guess it's as good of a place to call home as anywhere else.  

A good friend of mine asked me today to make a list of the top 10 things I love about Denver.  I was glad to do so because first, I love me

 a good list.  Secondly, it made a lot of sense...and helped me realize that there really is nothing that is holding me here to Denver.  It was a sad revelation and I'm sure John Denver is shaking his head and sunshiny shoulders at me on this one.   I mean, what was most prominent to me the sense that I just want to belong...you know?  And apparently it's not in Denver...and it might not be in Peoria.  But I want to belong to someone, something greater than myself.  

So, long blog short (too late?) I've decided that Peoria, Illinois is my new place to be.  If you've ever seen, "The Secret," know that I'm putting it out there in the universe.  Also, note that I don't think that God and the universe work just like that...you know, the like the wish machine from "Big."  But I do believe in the power of positive thought...and feel like nothing is hurt by asking for what you want.  Anyway, I also have faith that if that is not where I am supposed to end up, then it won't happen.

You know, now that I think about it, I'm kinda' scared of publishing this post.  I mean, it's scary to think that I'm declaring that that is where I want to live and that is where I'm trying to live...and yet nothing has happened yet.  Yikes!  Okay, I'm going to post this...just don't think I'm lame if I don't actually get the job...especially not at first.  Kelly (the CAT connection) said that it'll probably take a while for me to even get interviewed.  I mean, I haven't done any engineering or manufacturing work for 5 years and I'd need to be relocated.  It may sound cocky, but I really believe if I can just get an interview, I think they'd hire me.  I just have to get that interview.  So people, please send some good ju-ju, some prayers, some good vibes my way on this whole new job/new career thing.  I am needing it!

What I know is true...

You know how Oprah leads off her magazine with a section called "What I know is true..."?

Not so much? Well...that section, usually a page worth was her chance to write something inspiring - something that she has taken years to think about, talk about with her best friend Gale, and therefore something she feels like she should share with me personally. Usually they're motivating and they always tie into her monthly topic of the magazine.

Why am I writing you about this? I don't know. But you should know that this blog is NOT that kind of article. It is full, however, of two things that I have been able to reflect on and have found that they are true for me. Inspirational? No...not so much.

First, I cannot stand it when someone SAYS "knock, knock!" when I'm not facing them directly and they want my attention. Like, if I'm typing away at my keyboard and you need my attention, please say, "Excuse me" or "hey bi-atch" or ACTUALLY knock. But saying it makes me want to just scream! If the answer to the question, "Are you telling a joke?" is "No," you shouldn't say those words! This is similar to my feelings about when I am in someone's way (unknowingly) and they say, "Beep beep!" I don't hate that one as much as the "knock knock" thing, but I still don't get it...I mean, WHY can people not say "excuse me" or "look out" or "heads up" or "I'm going to cut you" or something similar? Even screaming loudly would be bettter than saying "beep beep." And know that they are not making the sound of a truck (although that isn't much better)...they are literally saying "beep beep." Ugh...I just can't stand it!

Secondly, after having our fire alarms tested for the past hour, I know that loud, repetive noises that literally make my ears buzz somehow make me more inclined to inflict bodily damage on someone else. I think I may have been pre-programmed where those types of loud, ear piercing sounds, make me switch from a normally happy person into a person who is in a fight or flight mode (or, after thinking about it, just fight mode). In fact, I think that if I did hurt someone, I should be allowed to get off without serving jail time because seriously, have you *heard* fire alarms for a long period of time? And no, I could not go outside...we had to "work" through it.

I'm just saying, if I had a spork handy during the past hour and someone "knock knock"-ed at my cube...well...it wouldnt' be pretty.

Seek and ye shall find...

What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me.

--Helen Keller

The Long Way Around

One of my favorite songs is "The Long Way Around" by the Dixie Chicks.

I really love this song. It's has passion - and I can usually get behind any song that is sung with passion. But what I like about it is this line:

"Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found
Taking the long way around."

Sometimes I feel like that's a great way to describe me - my spot in my life now. I'm not settled down, I'm not tied down, I'm not even smart enough to take the shortest, most direct route through life. But I'll get there eventually.

My baby fix...

This past weekend, I got to meet someone absolutely great...his name?  Aaron Robert Daniels.  Sure, he's a little young for me, but he was soooo cute! :)

I am, of course, describing my friend Kris' baby.  He was absolutely beautiful and fantastic.  Holding him...well, we all probably know that there's nothing like the feeling of holding a baby - it's that sweet lump of structureless slouch (really, shouldn't I work for Hallmark?)...the one that tells you that they trust you implicitly, because they have to.

Aaron is the first in the Daniels' family (okay, well, the first for Kris and her hubby, Jeff) and was definitely planned.  I remember he was crying and I as I was trying to soothe him I made some joke (really, me? making a joke?) at how that really wasn't hospitable of him as a host to cry.  I also made some comment about how I really didn't know what I was doing.  It was an honest statement and one that Jeff quickly replied with, "well, we don't know what we're doing either...but we're trying to figure it out."  

Somehow that made me feel okay.  I'm not even dating anyone, let alone married, let alone wanting to have a baby right now.  So I can safely say that I'm not in a place where I feel like I would be a good mom.  But what occurred to me is that even when you're planning on having a baby, when you're pregnant, or when you're a new parent, do you really FEEL like you're going to to be a great parent?  

I'm not even sure why I'm blogging about this...except for the fact that it's been on my mind a lot today.  

My baby fix was a way for me to remember that sometimes we don't have all the answers right now.  I guess I think that sometimes, God gives us a job knowing that we'll grow into it.  And somehow that transfers to my life.  I don't have to be the perfect person now...but I can grow into a better version of me.  And that maybe God doesn't expect me to live 100% the best way right now.  In fact, maybe He's okay with where I'm at too.  

I've worked a lot in the last several years, if not decade, of trying to accept myself for who I am.  It's been a journey - and not always a pretty one.  It's not even a slightly unique journey...but one that I'm dedicated to figuring out. 

Sure...she's big, but...

So, today was a great day.  My friend Sarah, her friend Jen, and I went to Boulder and decided to hit the Pearl Street Mall - an outside mall.  We were supposed to go hiking but this is apparently what it turned into.  Anyway, VERY funny pictures and blogpost coming later - when Sarah sends the pics.

Okay, so I got home and wasn't feeling too great - I've been feeling like I was going to come down with a cold/flu thing so I've been taking Airborne and various drugs to stave off the sickness.  So far, I think the drugs and I are winning.  Anyway, I came home, took a nap and woke up around 9:30ish no longer sleepy.  

Since I had planned on doing some cleaning, I threw another load of laundry in the drier, took out the Swiffer, cleaned the floors, bathroom, and then decided to take out the trash.  Smart since tomorrow is trash day... I opened up my back door and noted that my bottom lock was locked, but that the dead bolt was really what was holding it closed...thought to myself "Gee, I should fix that" and opened the door, trash in one hand.  It was a little windy tonight so I closed the door behind me...walked out to the back to put the stuff in the trash and realized that I forgot to get the trash from the bathroom...walked up the deck, and opened the door once again to my house...or at least I tried to open the door to my house.

Locked.

Locked out of my house.

No spare key.  No neighbors with spare keys.  No remote keypad.  No StarTrek beaming field.  No way to get into my house.  Oh, and no cell phone so I can't even call a locksmith.  Oh, and it's now 10:15 PM on a Sunday night.

I remembered that before Sarah picked me up I had two windows unlocked in my house..so I went to the front of my place, broke the screen (yay!  another thing to replace!) and opened the window - climbing over the bench out front, through the window (with closed blinds) into the inside.

Here's the thing...my BIG dog...you know, the one that's supposed to protect me from this kind of stuff didn't bark, didn't growl, didn't even whine.  NOTHING.

When I got through the door, she was trying to hide in the corner of the dining room - peeking out around the wall.  I explained that it was me and she hesitantly came forward...when she realized that it really was me, she was fine.

My point is that my dog is useless.  I should re-name her Lump.  

Don't get me wrong, I love her...but seriously, isn't one of the payoffs of having a big dog that she protect me and my place?

(sigh)

The One With The Routine

So, I'm watching TV last night and saw an old episode of Friends.   Just so you know, I have seen all episodes of Friends...but if one is on, I'll watch it again.  I love this series.  

So, one of my top 5 episodes was on last night...the one where Ross and Monica get a chance to be on Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve.  They've been wanting to be on the show for almost their whole lives and now that they're on the show, the guy that decides who is on camera (and thus who is on the platform dancing) is not choosing them.  They are bummed, but think of the perfect idea...

Somewhat silly...but a diversion nonetheless...

So I've found myself tagged...

1. What was the best thing you cooked last week?
Recovering from having no fridge...so the BEST thing was probably a grilled cheese sandwhich. Yeah, I know...I'm your dream gal. :)

2. If money, time and babysitting were no object, where would you go and with who?
I've always really wanted to see and experience New York, San Fransisco, and Ireland... As for who with? Hmm....I guess anyone that wanted to see those places too!

3. When was the last time you cried?
Sunday - because I was trying to be a bigger person. And then again because I was relieved that I didn't have to be.

4. Five things you were doing 10 years ago?
Changing majors from Civil Engineering to Engineering Management
Trying to figure out how I should apply/present for the HRA job
Breaking my toe
Working at MoDoT (Missouri Dept of Transportation) while having Jon Hey SCREAM out his car window (on his commute to work) at me...nice...thanks by the way
Starting the job as a HRA

5. Five things you were doing 5 years ago?
Moving to Colorado and leaving Oklahoma...
Cursing at seeing John Tesh at a church I was visiting
Getting in a roll-over accident
Figuring out that a house with multiple floors is a PAIN
Went skydiving...wait, that might have been the year before...

6. Five things you were doing 1 year ago?
Changing jobs
Putting the house up for sale
Buying a new place
Breaking up with Jon (not the guy that yelled out the window at me)
Visting Jon in St. Louis (yes, the guy that yells at helpless females on the side of the road)

7. Seven of your favorite hobbies:
Blogging
Reading
Watching movies (and yes, sometimes falling asleep)
Talking with, interacting, emailing, or being with funny people
Traveling to visit friends
Hanging out at new places in Denver
Pigging fairies :)

8. Five favorite foods:
SUSHI :) :) :)
Cheese Nips
Ice Cream
Chicken
Mom's Chili Con Queso :)

9. Five places you've been:
Germany (lived there for two years)
El Paso, TX (graduated from there)
Rolla, MO (ooh...yeah!)
Oklahoma City, OK (cowtowns that have grown together)
BFE, Arkansas (after Kelly and I had a trip interrupted by my car breaking down...we were on our way to Memphis)

10. Five favorite memories (in no particular order):
Singing to "Stay" with Elizabeth at a DMB concert
Walking on the beach in Mexico with Rachel and Mom
Walking across the stage at my college graduation knowing that the rest of my family had *just* made it.
Wrapping up Mike Rayburn's show to a standing ovation...for me :)
Sneaking into my grandparents bed as a kid when they came to visit

Who to tag?!?!? I'm guessing Jen will be the one most likely to play along. :)

Doozy...

I don't know what I did in my life to deserve people like you...but it must've been good.

You are great.  

Thanks for the phone calls, the emails, comments, and thoughts.  

I just got back from dinner with my friend, Kasey, where I bared my heart, took down some walls, and felt loved anyway.  I came back to a couple of emails from past friends and listened to Jon Hey's (see, you *are* famous again!) voicemail.  And you know what?  No one has turned me away, called me silly, or even chastised me.  Every one of you have been concerned about what was best for me and have wanted me to be happy.  And I am happy...

You all have supported me through it all...and this past year has been a doozy!  (ed. note: doozy is not used enough these days)  New job, selling a house, buying a new house,moving, breaking up with the unstable ex, thinking of moving and changing jobs again, and...him.    

People probably live their whole lives without having a friend like you...how lucky am I to have several?

(sigh)

Thanks...if I don't say it often enough, thanks. :)  You rock.

(sigh)

I heart John Corbett...and the character he plays in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and "Sex and the City."

He's dreamy.  He's calming.  He's faithful and he likes dogs.

I think I'm going to get a poster of his and hang it in my locker. :)

I'm a walking tragedy - a walking martyr.

So, my family is dramatic.  I say this to almost justify the fact that I might come by my drama honestly.  Although I've been dramatic in some ways, the way that I'm the most dramatic is in a way no one would really know.  I'm a closet martyr. 

I can see a situation where what is the best for someone does not align with me and my wants and desires...so I pull back.

I pull back to the point of not getting what makes me happy, sometimes just shy of it...and what I feel is this deep pang - like I can feel my heart breaking.  It can be with a promotion, an award for something that I want but I know that the other person wants too (this typically only happens if I truly love that person and know that they deserve it too), the last slice of cake (okay, not really...I don't like cake), or, more commonly, in my close relationships with others.  I may want to say something to someone, but I hold back even when I know that what I have to say may change the course of their decision...because I recognize that it's my desire and my wishes that would push them a certain way...and I know, in my heart, that certain things need to be their decisions.  I risk losing it all simply because I didn't let my feelings become prominent.  Is it cutting off my nose to spite my face?  I don't even know anymore.

I've done it so many times with different boyfriends it's not even funny.

What they see is someone who is a giver - someone who smiles, pats them on the head, takes care of their needs before they're even aware of them...someone confident in herself, who is strong...who they don't have to worry about.  And so they don't...they don't give me a second thought.  I walk out the door and I like to think that they think to themselves that I am something else...you know, in a good way. :)  They feel loved and taken care of - and is the part that is so sweet in all of this.  

It hurts - like a toothache...only in my heart.  But in a way, it helps me feel more alive...as if the pain is a reminder that I am alive, I can feel...and somehow the pain makes any future sweetness that much sweeter and more precious.  It makes the sweetness of the moment so acute that I keep walking...right out that door.  What accompanies the pain is hope...hope that one day I won't have to put my feelings on the back burner for someone else.  That one day someone might actually do that for me. The pain spurs me on...to try harder, to be better, to be more deserving.  I go home, crawl into my shell crying to myself and vowing to build back the walls stronger and higher the next time.

I just realized...I'm a walking tragedy - a walking martyr.

It's not something I like about myself, but there must be some pay off.  I wonder where it stems from?  I wonder if it's me...deep down...thinking I'm not good enough to have the good stuff anyway so this is simpler, cleaner, and more efficient.

How strange.  All this time I thought it was because I didn't want to be manipulative.  In fact, that I was trying NOT to be dramatic.  That I didn't want to have my feelings and wants sway their decisions...so that they could be at peace with their choices and never turn to me with hate and blame in their eyes and say "it was you - you MADE me do this."  

All this time I thought I was strong...and now I'm realizing that I must not be strong at all.  I must be weak because I must be afraid that if I screamed out "PICK ME!" that they wouldn't.  That they'd shrug their shoulders and walk away anyway and then I'd know I for sure that I was right all along...I was not good enough.  That I wasn't simply enough...and that they'd know it too.

See, Lisa..you're not the only one that's visited by The Crazy.  She, apparently, stays at my place too.

Quotes today that resonate with me...

“Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own.”

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

“You haven't lost your smile at all, it's right under your nose. You just forgot it was there.”

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

“Love is supposed to start with bells ringing and go downhill from there. But it was the opposite for me. There's an intense connection between us, and as we stayed together, the bells rang louder.”

One week

Remember that song by Barenaked Ladies entitled, "One Week?" Like a lot happened in that song...something about tantric sex and Sting (seriously, look up the lyrics, I don't make this crap up!). Anyway, it always causes me to reflect on the happenings of the past week...much like "Seasons of Love" from Rent make me think about the past year.

One week ago today, I didn't know that my fridge was broken (or that my TV wouldn't last the week). I didn't know what was going to come of my crush on "him" and I didn't know what my future would be with a different company. I still don't know those things...but I have figured out that some things are worth waiting for.

I'd rather wait to find that perfect job than to just take something that gets me out of my situation. And I'd rather wait to date someone I really like a lot versus whomever is handy at the moment. Ahhh..him. Have you ever met someone that you knew you were connected to on such a basic level? I've felt that for guys in the past...but it's been with people that I knew, just knew, we'd be friends for life. Like Patrick Painter, Jon Hey, Mike Garner, and Rex Vaughn. All for very different reasons, but they were there for me in a time of my life when no one else would do...and I was there for them in hopefully similar situations...but this guy? He's different.

Tonight I'm struggling with my feelings. Maybe all we're supposed to be is friends...and for now, that is enough. His perspective on things is refreshing...and I value his opinion a lot. I've been friends with mostly guys most of my life...so this isn't anything that's really new. But I also know that there are feelings on my side that have nothing to do with friendship.

I would never want to be the cause of a marriage failing. But one of my friends told me that before anyone cheats, there is a lot that has already gone wrong anyway. I'm not justifying adultery. I'm just saying that there is more to things than simple good vs. evil...that there may be more to the story where no one wins, no one is all right, and no one is all wrong.

I've never been married...I've never found someone that I wanted to keep...or someone that wanted to keep me. I *am* waiting for someone to get me...someone who doesn't mind the curves I have, who admires the loyalty and passion I bring to life, appreciates my sense of humor, and at least respects my willingness to pick up the pieces and try again...and again...and again. Someone who isn't intimidated by who I am - successes or failures. That person has never quite materialized. I can't really say that...I've had guys who have said that they felt that way...but I didn't feel anything remotely close to the same about them.

Look, my point is, things aren't easy and clear cut. That's what I've learned from this past week.

Things are tough, they're hard, and definitely not simple. Doesn't that make the happiness that we do find even sweeter? I don't know what will happen this next week (although I swear...if another major appliance breaks, I will FREAK the f--- out) but I'm hoping for more clarity...

Oh, come ON!

So, last night, after working late, I went home (good blog so far, huh?).

I turned on the TV for about a minute and then all of a sudden, my screen goes blank.  Remember when I asked, "Who knows what else will break?"  Yeah...well apparently that something is my BRAND NEW LCD TV!!! :(  Seriously, folks...it's like 45 days old.

Okay, it's just stuff...I contacted Toshiba support and they emailed back with the idea that I should unplug it for a little while and then bring it in to a shop.

Nice.

I'm a single gal who can't exactly bring a 42" TV to a shop by herself.  

Frick!

Gimme' some lovin'....

So, it's Valentine's Day and I am sitting here reflecting on how lucky I am to be as loved as I am.  I mean, I don't blame you all...who can resist?  Seriously though, this day *should* be just a day where we are able to take a little extra time to show love and to receive love.

I think that we can show love to the co-worker that grates on your nerves by smiling and being nice anyway.

Why not compliment a perfect stranger - even knowing you're never going to see them again?

Why not send an email or card to someone just to say thanks for what they are in your life?

Why not monitor your thoughts today and anything you say or think that is unloving towards yourself, immediately throw that away?  I mean, love yourself enough to say and think nice things.   Personally, if someone gives me a compliment today, I'm just going to say "thanks" instead of my usual stammering to discount their compliment (yes, apparently when given a compliment, I turn into a 15 year old girl that points out the ways she is not what you just said).

Heck, we can even show love by letting the person cut in front of us in traffic without cursing at them (and for those that know me, that's a big thing!).  

Anyway, the point is that even if you're like me and you don't have a smoochy-kins, a love-bunny, cuddle-pumpkin, sugarflower or a squishy-face (I've never been good at endearments), you *are* loved!  

Baby, it's cold inside

Remember when my fridge didn't work?  

So I went out and bought a fridge this weekend, only the earliest that they could deliver it was tonight.  So I've been making due and have actually survived pretty well sans cold things. :)  

Tonight I was taking all the magnets, funny pieces of paper, and meaningful notes down from my fridge when I realized that I should just check to make sure that the fridge would fit out the rear door of my house...I shifted it out of it's hole (the fridge-hole if you will) and it turned on and started working...it has been working ever since.

So, long story short, I was able to re-schedule my delivery date of the new fridge for Saturday just in case the fridge decided to not work again.  In the meantime, I'm going to have a repairman come and check out the electrical side of it to make sure that there isn't a short or anything in the fridge.   If it's still working by Saturday, I'm going to cancel my fridge order and save myself some money! :)  Yay!

Thanks to my buddy, Lance, I was able to understand that fridges only break when your compressor breaks - the thing that actually makes your fridge/freezer cold.  If the power is off (i.e. no light) then it is something electrical and therefore unlikely to lead to a complete fridge replacement.

Oh, and Kelly said that her inspector told her refrigerators typically last 10 -15 years...so I should be okay for awhile.

Yay! :)

Quirky Me

Okay, so I got this idea of what to write about from my friend, Ms. Lisa D. She posted a similar blog on her website, probably eons ago. Basically, the idea is that when we blog we all want people to see the best side of us...but that it's more real and more fun to let people know who we really are, quirks and all.

And since I'm quirky as all get out, I have a lot of fodder. :)

Here goes:

• I really dislike the taste and texture of beans. My family actually loves the stuff...I don't get it. The texture is mealy - you know, like pears...but the taste is not so much like pears. When I go to restaurants and people want to order nachos or something that comes with beans, I usually just ask to hold the beans. But then I worry that they're going to think that I'm not eating them because they make me gassy. I don't even know if they make me gassy...but I always think that that is what they're thinking. I've tried telling them that I'm allergic, but really, that's a lie and I feel horrible about it during the rest of the time I'm there. So I just don't eat nachos. :)
• I love socks with stripes. I think that they are so much fun! It's like I'm being fun and no one knows it.
• I think I'm allergic to radishes but I can't remember. So I just don't eat them.
• I eat different colored things in a very fair way. For instance, if, while eating M&Ms there are 4 yellows, 7 reds, and 3 browns, I will eat three reds (so there are four left - even with the yellows), then one yellow and one red (so there are three left of each color), and then separate the remaining 9 candies in three sets of three - with one of each color in each trio. Being fair is important...even while eating.
  
• I get the colors yellow and white mixed up in my mind. Usually when I'm thinking of something white, I say yellow and vice versa. I know what I mean, but those two colors get mixed up while coming out of my mouth. I have to think about it to make sure that I say the one I want to say.
• I think any word followed by "hole" or "head" sounds like a bad word if said in a bad way. Which makes words like sinkhole VERY funny to me.
• No one can make me laugh harder than Jon Hey...or maybe my new friend, him. But it's rare that I get into absolute laughing fits about things that no one could possibly get or even slightly care about. There is this email stream that Jon and I sent back and forth when we were in college. It is absolutely nuts and I don't think anyone else would think it was funny...they'd probably just sigh and think that we were crazy and walk away. Sometimes I'll go back and re-read it just to laugh.
• I didn't kiss anyone until I went to college. I caught up fast though...
• Other than a wine cooler that Joella gave me while being a camp counselor when I was 20, I didn't drink until I was 21.
• I used to hate the taste of beer, so I'd chew minty gum while drinking so it didn't taste so bad. Even though I like the taste of beer now, I still don't mind drinking beer and chewing gum. In fact, I don't even think about it.
• I get really scared at not very scary movies...like "What Lies Beneath" or "The Others." Unfortunately, that means that I won't watch them by myself and I prefer to sleep with someone else afterwards. My sisters are similar and we used to get together to watch them and then sleep in the same bed/room.
• My pinky fingers are bent - like when I lay them flat, they won't lay down on their own. You can push them down, but they pop right back up.
• I type freakishly fast...or so people tell me.
• My biggest grammar pet peeve is when people do not know that when you're describing something that there are many of, the way to write it is "a lot." As in there is a space because it is not just one word...there are TWO words. I think this is the case because my 4th grade teacher made a really big deal about it one time. It stuck with me apparently.
• I used to think that potato was spelled with an 'e' on the end. And I figured that it wasn't spelled like that LAST year...as in 2007. I always thought that it was an alternative spelling, kinda' like blonde or theatre. You'd think that the 'potatoe' thing with Mr. Quayle would've helped me know that...but I always thought that it was funny because you could spell it EITHER way. Turns out, that's not so much the case...
• I love the sideways smiley faces - like this :) but I do not really enjoy the emoticons. To me, it's cheating to use them and they look...well, weird and not as cute. So I don't think that :) can be used enough and I disable the emoticons on my IM functions. :)

Alrighty, the sad thing is that I could keep going... but before I completely weird you out, I'm going to stop. :) You're still my friend, right? :)

Good times, good times...

I'm pretty excited about the possibility of staying in touch with people better...I've been oh-so bad in the past.  

Long story short, when I was in high school, I became friends with a cool group of people...unfortunately, they were all a year older than me, so when they graduated I had to make some different friends.  Anyway, when I was a senior, my parents decided to seperate after 25 years of marriage.  That was a great decision, really, but it was tough on the family.  All the drama surrounding those and other decisions was a HUGE deciding factor to move far, far away.   Unfortunately, with my need and want to distance myself from the craziness that was happening, I lost touch with people that I really did care about.  Hey, it's life and it happens.

Through the wonders of the internet, I've found some of these people...and I really, really, really would like to contact more of them.

My friend, Jennifer, is one of those people - we've kept in contact a little bit since high school but I'm excited to get to know her- you know, Jen, the woman.  Apparently she feels the same.  I'm just learning about how to link to crap, but you gotta' see this.  She posted a REALLY old picture...back from '92.  Yikes, look at the sleeves on that thing!

Anyway, thanks to you freaks who loved me before you knew what a crazy person I am/would be.  And thanks for all the lovely pictures yet to come...:) Because I've seen Lisa's posts when it's someone's birthday and I'm so not looking forward to that shizzle. 

One of my favorite things...

...is to speed on the highway to a good song.  I know...it's not a good idea.  I know, it's reckless.  But today, with the sun shining, the temperature in the upper 50s, I had the sunroof open, my sunglasses on, and some good tunes blasting.  Switching lanes (okay, with plenty of space around me) so I could get around the people that were going slower makes me feel like I'm running, riding a horse (work with me here), or just escaping my life...even if just for a moment.

When I first got my car a year ago, I realized that people couldn't really see me - so I became a much more defensive (what're you lookin' at?!?!?) driver. :)  And I'm still safe.  Really.  I'm just speedy too. :)

I mean, just look at that cute car!  I know, it's a physical thing, and we all shouldn't have pride in physical stuff.  It's cute, it's quirky, it's fast, it's unique, and it's...well...a representation of me.  I love it. :)

Group think...

Alrighty...so I've decided to join the blogspot revolution.

The main reason is because today, on my myspace page (www.myspace.com/happyfunpants) I realized that when I post a new blog, it deletes an old one...and I don't want that shizzle deleted.  I mean, it was a part of me and now it's gone.

So I was cheesy and added the remaining blog posts on my myspace account on here on the days that it was originally posted.

Now, don't make me look like a lame blogspotter. :)  Post comments...please.  If you don't I'll feel all stupid-like. :)

This past week: the good, the bad, and the smelly

Monday morning, I had to go to work and then in the afternoon leave to go to Reno for business. So around 3:45 PM...I'm driving to the airport and all of the sudden my rear window shatters...while driving...in the snow...uphill both ways (okay, I had to add that last one). But seriously, it just shattered. After making sure that I hadn't been shot and that I was, indeed, awake I arranged to drive back to work and have a co-worker drive me to the airport so that I could catch my flight. Long story short, I was able to get it replaced under warranty and all is well. But holy COW that was scary!

So, like I said, I was in training during the week at our plant in Reno, NV. They arranged to have us stay at a place called the Peppermill (a co-worker refuses to call it anything but the "Poopermill") and boy was that an experience. After my VERY delayed flight, I walked into the hotel lobby and was greeted with the smell of stale smoke, neon lights EVERYWHERE and black mirrors. It was so strange, that I can't even explain it other than it looked like I was an extra in the movie "Tron." For more information on this lovely place, feel free to visit www.peppermillreno.com. The rooms were fantastic though...really. Nice comfy beds, 42" plasma screen TVs, a TV in the bathroom, and showers with multiple heads. :) The picture to the left is from their website. I think it's a way to show that prostitution is encouraged at the Peppermill...but I can't be positive. Anyway, you can see the lights at the top of the picture...and that's what the WHOLE place looked like on the bottom floor. Scary, creepy, and full of neon-goodness.

The training was actually really helpful, but the big thing that was cool is Tuesday night I got to talk to the plant manager and the shop foreman. The training was on knife gates and was held in the facility that produces them. When we went on the shop tour on Wednesday, the smell of welding, metal, and manufacturing hit me and brought me back to my days at GM in Oklahoma. I didn't realize until then how much I missed the business of manufacturing and made a firm decision to change jobs yet again. I called my friend Kelly today and asked if they had openings at the factories (she works for Caterpillar in Peoria, IL) that were NOT line supervision jobs. She told me that the big thing they're hiring for there is Process Engineers for manufacturing plants and that she thought that she could get my resume' to the right people. So, sometime on Monday, I'm going to update the resume'. I'm actually pretty excited. I love Denver...and it would be sad to leave, but I can come and visit...and really, nothing is holding me here, you know? So, we'll see...more to come. Now, some of you may think that I'm insane since I just moved 8 weeks ago...but you know, walking on that shop floor made me realize that I *do* have a passion for something. And as pathetic as it is, I miss it. Plus, Cat would relocate me, so it's not like I would lose money on my house.

The very, very, very cool thing about this week is that I had a lot of fun. I drank and ate every night for free and met some cool people who were also taking the class with me. One of them was pretty much the funniest guy I've met - it was so much fun to laugh that hard and for the first time in a LONG time, I didn't have to explain why I thought something was funny or what the heck I was talking about. I'd write some of the funniest things, but I'm sure it's one of those times that you'd have to had been there for it get it. It was refreshing and oh, so nice. I loved talking with him and felt that he "got" me...which as those of you who know me, know that's pretty rare. :) He's has amazing grey eyes and although not my typical type was/is very good looking. More importantly, his personality and character was great - truly a great catch. Now, before you get your hopes up for me, the guy is married so nothing can come of my crush on him. :( And I am more bummed about this than you know...but it gave me some hope that I could possibly find someone who would fit me as well and that I shouldn't settle for anything less. And in the meantime, I have a lot of fun memories and a new (hopefully good) friend.

Okay, so I got back yesterday and was so tired that I slept for a couple of hours...not long enough to get some good sleep and feel refreshed, but just long enough to screw with my sleep pattern...so I was up from about 9 last night until 4 this morning watching TV. I slept for a little while, got up and went to the fridge to have some Chai Tea... I opened up the fridge and realized immediately that something was off (watch out Columbo!) because my light in the fridge didn't come on. Oh, yeah, and EVERYTHING is warm. Yes, friends, even in the freezer. More proof that karma, is indeed, a bitch. Just in case you wanted to know, the smell of spoiled food is nasty. I do not recommend that you unplug your fridge to experience the smell...please, take my word for it. :)

I walked down to my basement to see if the breaker had blown, turned on the light and realized that I had just blown the light bulb down there...and no, I don't have a replacement halogen bulb. And the breaker didn't feel tripped. :)

Anyway, after shopping for a new fridge (and again, with any luck I'll be moving again soon so it's not like I want to get the best fridge ever) I found that no one can deliver the fridge before this coming Tuesday night. So I made the best of it, stopped by Walgreens to get some milk (I still want my chai tea!) and some ice... After eating out all week, I really don't want to eat out anymore and was, quite frankly, looking forward to cereal. :)

For those that have read this far, you are a true friend. I just did the cursory read-though and saw that I wrote a mini-novel.

And I know...it's not even funny. :( But I guess I'm in a subdued mood. It was a pretty eventful week and I wanted to share it with you...because otherwise it'd be one of those things that it'd take forever to catch you up later.

Or maybe I'm in a non-funny mood because I'm afraid to touch anything...who knows what else will break?

I blog about the songs that make the whole world sing...

So I've been in a mood that I get into sometimes. It's the mood where no one at work thinks that there is anything wrong...and probably none of my friends would think that either. Because when I'm around people, I'm exactly the same as I always am. Only when I'm not around people, I want little to do with people. I'm not picking up the phone when it rings and I'm not calling people back. It's like I'm living a life where there is two of me - one that is completely extroverted and one that is completely introverted. I'm a lot more introverted than people give me credit for, but that's another story...

During these times I notice how my taste in songs change dramatically. Usually, I love me some fast, upbeat songs. But lately, it's been the bluesy, jazzy, cheesy, and subdued songs. 

My favorite songs (right now):

"Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow: if you're a guy and haven't heard this song, then you don't know what every single frickin' girl is thinking...but alas, I generalize.

Anything by Van Morrison - faves are "Days Like This" and "Stranded": I love Van. His voice is so great and the songs have a lot of emotion in them...plus, his voice rocks.

"Stitched Up" by Herbie Hancock (feat. John Mayer): Now I really dislike John Mayer's songs. I know what it stems from so I'll just say that his songs remind me of gross things. BUT this song is fantastic. It's about a guy who does like a girl but it's not worth it. I love it. :)

"Forever In Blue Jeans" by Neil Diamond: Okay, this is mostly due to the fact that Rachel burnt me two CDs full of Neil songs and I downloaded this one and "Hello Again" because I remembered them and they were missing from the CDs. I can't go through all of them because I don't know most of them, but this song STICKS in my head. I can't get it out and therefore and listening to it pretty much all the time...."Money talks! But it don't sing and dance and it don't walk...." Ahh Neil...how you make English teachers cringe!

"The Story" by Brandi Carlile: I love this song. Her raw emotion and general rocker-ness is fantastic!

"Have A Little Faith In Me" by John Hiatt: one of my favorite songs for soundtracks and trailers...pretty much if you play this in the movie preview, I'll see the movie. 

"Let My Love Open The Door" by Peter Townsend: now there are two versions of this song...the one I'm talkin' 'bout is the slow one. It's fantastic and again, if you play this in a movie trailer, I will see the movie. This is probably why I liked "Dan In Real Life."

"Only Living Boy In New York" by Simon and Garfunkel: as my friend, Justin, once said "They don't make songs like that anymore."

So this was just a glimpse into my life and my music selection these days...

I've got your number

People, please take note:

The proper cadence while leaving your phone number on a voicemail is this: first three numbers (pause) next three numbers (pause) last four numbers.

It is not ten numbers rushed together nor is it some random combination of numbers and pauses.  When someone does that it forces me to waste precious minutes of my life hitting 4 to listen to your whole, rambling, what seems like 15 minutes of your message all over again...waiting for the last 3 seconds of the message where you muck it up.  Also, if you're from a different state, you leaving the last seven digits of your number doesn't do me much good.  I am not a mind reader and cannot pick up on the subtle accent that would distinguish your area code as one from Henderson, Nevada versus Sparks, Nevada.

Please pass it on to those who you love or who might ever call me and leave a message - namely those that are looking to purchase valves in the western states...consider it a public service announcement.

Wouldn't it be nice...

So this morning I woke up and I feel like I'm in a fog - you know the kind where you're groggy and just...slow about things? So I changed my little mood icon on myspace to groggy. 

Then I saw that my friends that had most recently changed theirs showed that they were miserable, sad, moody, and frustrated. I'm sure I could blog on how sad that is but that's not what this one is about. 

See...I was thinking that it would be so nice to have people pick out a little emoticon every day to wear on their body. They could change it as often as their mood changed. So we would know that the guy that was walking down the street was sad...maybe we would just smile or try to be nice. We would know that the person that is excited might make us want to hit them with a shovel if we're feeling hungover, so we should give them a wide berth. :)

Now I'm sure that if I said this to my mom, my mom would say something about how there is a lesson in this. We should all give everyone the benefit of the doubt - and that we can make the world a better place right now. (sigh) Okay...good point but she would be missing the EASE of the whole darn thing. I wouldn't have to try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I'd just be able to see and then judge accordingly. :) Silly mom...

IKEA...how I love and hate you...

IKEA...how I love and hate you. You sure are cheap, but boy are you not easy!

First, why are you not in Denver? Why? We're a liberal, fashion forward (fringe is a fashion, right?), and trendy city - what could you possibly be looking for that we don't have?

Secondly, even though I spent time and money to ship your desk to me, why can I not get these 6 damn screws in? Why do you have to be like that?

Thirdly, your instruction manual is not complete...but your illustrations of a little man questioning his ability to read instructions and then calling your store is too cute. I smile when I see it, even if my palm hurts from the screwdriver handle digging into my skin. 

Well, I'll show you. This will work. I will get this desk together one way or another...you'll see, IKEA...you'll see.

Back in the saddle again...

So, I'm finally willing to date again. It's been over six months, but I think that even though I knew I *could* date again, I wasn't ready to really let go and try to trust again.

Last night, I went to go see a friend's band - they're friends that I met through my ex and it was SO great to see them again. Really - it felt like slipping into a comfy sweatshirt - just good, fun, and reminded me of how much I missed them.

Anyway, my friend Mel asked if I had been seeing anyone and of course, I said "I'm seeing you right now!" :) Yeah, not my best material, but how could I not take that bait? :)

Alright, I have been on one date since June - and it was absolutely horrible. You know when you say something funny and the other person just looks at you with this "WTF" expression on their face? Yeah...that was how pretty much the whole date went. Needless to say, there was not another one.

But alas, I digress. So, my friend Mel (and her hubby Chad) are going to set me up with one of their friends. He seems like he'd be a nice guy and he's never been to jail for being a pedophile so I'm guessing it'll be okay. Don't get me wrong, I don't have high hopes, but it's just nice to feel like I'm going to be back out there again. And for now, that's good enough. :)

On a side note, if you know of any single, funny, nice guys you should hook a sista' up! :)

Reason number 4,837 I loved this week...

Okay, I've had some bad times and some stressful times recently, but this week rocked.

First, I got a new computer...and I love love love love love it.

Secondly, I got to see my best friend, Kelly when I flew into Chicago on Friday night (work with me...it's still in this past week). She and I had one of most enjoyable weekends and I even went shopping and bought a super cute computer desk for my new pad at IKEA. For clarification purposes, the pad is not in IKEA, but rather in Denver. :) Anyway, I got a great deal on the desk so we decided to buy it and then ship it home to me for when I arrived today. The FedEx clerk (who may have very well been on several prescription meds that were, most likely, not prescribed to her) clearly didn't care about her job and magically changed the shipping cost from the $250 range to less than $50. She rocked... Throughout the weekend, Kelly and I were able to find the best parking spaces and even got a refill on our cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster! :) Hee hee. Sure, other people had that too, but I know it's because we rocked.

Okay, the best part was that I got to see my two sisters and dad on Sunday. I just got home and it was easily the most enjoyable Christmas with my dad since forever...my grandma's health is not the best, but I think it woke my dad up into realizing that people, not things, are important. It was great and some brought about a closeness that we've all been wanting for a long time. Elizabeth is healing from a recent surgery and is handling things really well all things considered.

Today after flying in, I picked up the pooch and she ran out, literally dragging the worker behind her, to me. Man, I wish I was the caliber of person my dog thinks I am...but alas, I digress.

I came home to a full page of emails from you all wishing me a Merry Christmas.

But the icing on the cake was that I came home to find that I WON (yes, that means I beat them all!!!) my fantasy football league. Sure, you may think that it's mostly chance, but you'd be wrong. It was my mad skills alone (okay, having LT on the team helped a tad) that allowed our team to win. And you should've heard all the razzing I got from the guys at work when I said I wanted to play at the beginning of the season.

2007 may have had some low points, but it appears to be ending on a high note!

What the hell?

Okay - so I will get this out there right now. I stole this from Ginger's blog. It was too funny not to post on mine and share with you. So thanks Ginger...for stealing it from someone else's blog so I could see it. And thanks, God, for making these so frickin' funny. Sure, it's probably a survival technique out in the wild, but it doesn't seem like it'd be very effective. Then again, what do I know? I'm not a goat.

The funniest part is when they do it to a bunch of them at once.

I almost can't stop laughing.

Churches...

Usually I'm not the person that laughs at what someone says. I mean, if they mean it to be funny, I laugh at it...but if they don't, well then I just think it can come off as being mean as if they're teleported back to middle school and countless nightmares where people point and laugh. So I try not to laugh at someone's stupid mistakes or weird quirks...but today I couldn't help it.

A co-worker and I were trying to pass the time during an email outage when we were talking about famous people and our encounters with them.

Wait, let me back up for a moment.

I was really active in my church in Oklahoma - partially because that's what you do in Oklahoma...go to church, get married, and have babies. Some of the time, this all happens before the age of 14, but not always.* Anyway, I had a great time there and when I moved here I figured it'd be a good way to get to know people here.

So I started visiting churches. One day I decided to go to one by my house...it's a HUGE church - about the size of our theatre in Oklahoma City. It was tough to find a parking space even in the lot for easily over 200 cars. Police were directing traffic. Seriously, it had a coffee bar in the atrium, stadium style seating, and even the flippy chair that one might find in a movie theatre. Not really my taste, but I was there and already had on panty hose, so I made the best of it. The preacher came onto the stage and made some big announcement about how they had a special guest that day and I figured that it was some sort of inside thing that only the regulars would understand. Anyway, he says something like, "Welcome, John Tesh!" And I thought "wow - he has the same name as the famous guy...weird." When the big camera depicted on the jumbo screen showed a close up, I realized that it was THE John Tesh. I couldn't believe it. I turned to the person next to me and literally said, "Holy Shit! That's John Tesh!" As you can imagine, my statement wasn't really appreciated. I was a little embarrased because even if you're wearing panty hose, they don't typically like you to curse in church. This story has made others laugh through the years, so it's a good one to tell in a situation such as what came up today.

Remember that a co-worker and I were trying talking about famous people... I mentioned that I had seen John Tesh. My co-worker asked about when/where. So I said "When I first moved here and I was looking for churches-" and I paused because my work phone started ringing. He then said, "Churches Chicken? Did you try the phone book or were you just driving around? Wow. I didn't even know that you liked fried chicken."

And I'm not sure why, but I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants. He felt horrible and although I felt bad because I was clearly laughing at him, I couldn't stop.

He was actually a great sport about it and I think I did an okay job about passing it off about it catching me off guard, but I found it also too funny not to share.

~A

*= For my friends from Oklahoma: I'm kidding. Rex (a friend and an Oklahoman) really was the one that said that it usually happened before 14...so I'm blaming him. :) But it was funny...so I had to steal it and put it in my blog.

Catch up

Okay...I'm saying it. I'm sometimes a bad communicator. When I'm stressed and busy, I suck more about keeping in touch than when I'm not.

So for those that have the time, here's what's new in my life...

1) The house: I got two offers on the same day a couple of weeks ago. This past week, my house passed inspection which means that I should be able to close on November 9th like I'd planned. This would be sheer happiness, but I still haven't found a place to move into yet. I bet I've seen over 70 properties and I have only found one that really *felt* like home. The problem is that I offered what the place is actually worth...and the owner/investor feels like it's worth a lot more. I'd love to have emotion sweep me away on this one so I'd offer more, but the house (although I really love it) just isn't worth that. And I don't want to be not able to sell it later down the road. The big problem is that when I took this new job back in April, it came with a big pay deduction. So I'm doing the responsible thing by decreasing my debt load and my payment. But since I want to also live in Denver where the rest of the young, single, and semi-sane people live, I'm decreasing quite a bit in house. I've come to terms with living in a condo, row home, or half of a duplex...but unfortunately in the areas I'm looking in, they're just not feeling right. Since my offer was not accepted (and they're not going lower than their asking price), I'm off to look at places again today. I'm bummed, but I also know that even if I have to rent for awhile, I hope I'll be able to figure out where I should live.

2. Chassis: For those that don't know, my dog has had some significant health problems lately...she's shaking (almost like she's got Parkinsons) when she sits or lays down. I've had a neurologist look at her and the consensus is that she has hypothyroidism (rare in dogs her age) and that it might stop the tremors. She has been on medication for about 4 weeks and so far no change. But the doctors feel she's not in pain, so we're living with it. :)

3. My health: I've been sick for over a week now and it's not really getting better. I'm not sure what's up, but I'm sneezing, coughing, and yuckify-ing everything in my house. :) I went to the doctor last week, and they thought that I had a sinus infection so they gave me antibiotics. I felt better for awhile, but I'm feeling worse again. Not so much fun...and really not a convenient time. :) Dude, I am BUSY! :) I don't have time to be sick right now. Yes, on some level I do realize how silly that sounds.

4. Work: Okay, so the job that I really liked (and still do) is going okay. But there has been a regime change in my office and I now have a new supervisor. My supervisor's name is Dale and he is someone I not only can't stand but someone I can't respect. He says foul, offensive, and sexually suggestive things CONSTANTLY. He doesn't hit on me, but he jokes about being gay all the time with other people in the office. And he does it in a way to be demeaning towards homosexuals. I guess he thinks it's funny...but since I have close friends that are gay, I really don't find it funny at all. I haven't figured out if he's a hateful person or if he's just socially stupid. For instance, I've heard him tell stories about when he slept with prostitues in VietNam. Okay...so I've been a tom-boy my whole life...and I really can hang with the guys. But I don't really want to hear my 60 year old boss talk about prostitutes that he nicknamed "Scar Belly." I don't feel that that's appropriate and I don't want to hear it! But that's not all. When he sees personal faxes for people, he throws them away. He'll come up to people on the phone and either yell in their office or literally hang up on the person they're talking to. He signs up people for mail order items without their knowledge so they get sent and charged to their houses. He thinks it's funny to steal things from people's desks and not give them back. He doesn't deal with things when they come up in a confrontational manor - instead, he chooses to talk about them behind their back with the rest of us. And he's the one that got promoted!!! It doesn't actaully say a lot about my company and who they feel are management material. I don't see me working for this company for much longer if he's the a-hole that I have to see and communicate with daily. And that's a bummer.

5. Family: My grandmother moved from Washington DC to Chicago about a month ago to be near my dad. She has dimentia and was found wandering outside her house not knowing where she was. So now she's in a home in Chicago where my dad can keep a better eye on her. A little over a week ago it seemed like she had had a small stroke because she didn't know where she was again and was having more health issues. She's now been discharged from the hospital, but the last time I talked to her and I mentioned that I would see her at Christmas, she just replied "We'll see. I probably won't be here then." So not looking good there.

So with all these things going on, I'm just a tad stressed. :)

I do miss you...even if I don't communicate as often as I should. I hope I'll have better news and be more like my happy, cheerful self the next time I blog. Until then, know that I do care...even if I don't call or write as often as I should.

:),
me

My fantasy...

...football team is called the Redheaded Stepchildren. :)

I am *very* excited about our draft tomorrow...and I'm hoping for a great season.

I even made a mascot for my team. Since I'm the only female in our league, I decided to make the mascot a female. Isn't she so cute? :)
All I have to say to the rest of the guys in my league is prepared to get beaten...like a red-headed stepchild. Come on...you *knew* that was coming!

Funny or not so funny?

I'm not trying to brag, but people seem to think I'm funny. I get a kick out of it - there's nothing like the feeling of making people laugh. Every now and again, someone will tell me that I should either do stand-up or audition for "Last Comic Standing." I gotta' tell you a couple of things:

1) I'm not that funny...really. It's just that usually my audience is drinking.

and 2) sometimes what I think is funny is not what other people think are funny. Which is really unfortunate...because when no one else thinks it's funny, I get tickled by the joke even more. Sure, it's kind of a bad cycle, but I can't seem to stop it.

So, a couple of weeks ago, this comic was emailed to me. I laughed and laughed and even put it up on the outside of my cube (I'm a giver, what can I say?). No one...and I mean NO ONE in my office thought it was funny. I, on the other hand, would laugh every time I saw it.

Since I put up a new comic every week, the people in my office politely waited until the week of that comic was up... probably hoping that it would be replaced by a Ziggy cartoon. Please note that if you do, in fact, think Ziggy cartoons are funny, I order you to stop reading now. Seriously. I can't be friends with someone like you.

Fast forward to today:

One of my friends from college (Candice Yoder...now Salmon) just had her third baby. The baby's name is Isaiah Robert. Yay Candice!

So off and on during the day I thought about this name...and in the afternoon, an AWESOME nickname came to me. I think they should nickname him iBob. You know...like iPod.

I'm thinking about his new nickname and I was cracking up. I mean, I was literally laughing out loud at my desk in my cube. I was so proud of myself! I emailed two friends...both of which did not comment on the nickname that I, quite frankly, thought was hilarious. So I decided to run it by a couple of co-workers. They thought that it was not funny. I decided to push it further and explain the joke, like:
"oh come on!

iBob...like short for Isiah Robert?

But like iPod?

Get it?

Okay, let me explain it more...it's like this..."

And even *that* didn't work. My boss (who also did not like the "Get a room" comic) said "Again, I don't want you to confuse my not laughing as that I don't get it." My co-worker, Lisa, even gave me a pity laugh... I think because she was tired of me saying "iBob...get it? like iPod?" over and over. Another co-worker said, "Well, the good news is that it's as funny as the "Get a room!" comic." I, of course, was flattered by this.

(sigh)

iBob.

That's funny...I don't care who you are.

*This* is why I would never win on "Last Comic Standing."

Awkward silence after saying something offensive? I have the solution!

Have you noticed that people are saying, "I'm just saying" after a statement as a way to get away with whatever they just said?

Examples:

"Your hair looks like it hasn't been brushed today...I'm just saying!"

"Did you get those pants from an old couch? I'm just saying..."

"I can't stand that girl. She kinda' smells like poop. I'm just saying..."

What is with that these days?

Gone are the days of apologies for saying mean things. Now we are freely admiting that we said them and offer no form of regret. Even the "I'm just saying" seems more of an afterthought...tagged on to the end of a sentence that someone else found offensive - just to kill the awkward silence.

Moreover, why are we accepting whatever that person says JUST because they add that phrase on the back end? I mean, I find that my feelings are soothed by someone adding that statement on the end...even though what they did say was a little offensive. And no, my happy fun pants have never been mistaken for old couch fabric. :)

23 Skiddoo!

Just to update you...

My life is great.

I've been flirted with, changed my hair color back to red (it just feels right!), had way too much beer, laughed so hard my sides hurt, and in general feel just peachy. Oh, and did I say I was flirted with? Nothing heals the hurt of being cheated on like someone else thinking you're attractive.

Life has a way of working itself out.

Jon and I even talked this morning and although I know that it is over for sure, somehow it felt good to not be angry anymore. I realized that I'm ready to move on. Hell, I already am moving on.

So, life is good. :)

Off to a couple of parties and bbq's....who knows what wonders await? :)

Thank you!!

What did I do to deserve a friend like you?
Friday afternoon when Jon and I broke up, my world was pretty much turned upside down. I thought that he was one of the few people that I could trust blindly. Sometimes I catch myself still shocked that he actually cheated and that he wasn't ever going to tell me. The most painful was the emotional cheating that he did...and all those bad little thoughts about ourselves that we all try so hard to suppress came flooding towards me. Because as I've found, when you're alone and wide awake at 3 a.m. it's hard to remember that it isn't you and it wasn't your fault.

I wondered if there were good, honest people out there and if people were worth trusting at all...

Your support over the last couple of days through thoughts, prayers, phone calls, emails, and comments have meant so much!

It's helped me to feel grounded. It's reminded me that there are good people who still know right from wrong. It's made me feel loved even though I am trying to release the feeling of being rejected. It's helped me realize how thankful that I am that I get to be in your lives. It's renewed my faith in the goodness of people and given me the strength to let go of some of the anger, hurt, and sadness. Even those that have offered to call or "visit" him have made me feel protected, cared for, and that it's okay to lean on people. What's more is that it's helped me remember that I will be able to trust whomever I date in the future...maybe more tentatively than in the past, but I will be able to trust again.

I doubt I'll ever know what I did to deserve friends like you. In truth, I don't think I did anything to deserve it.

You are a gift. Your friendship is a gift.

And I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

They say that breakin' up is hard to do

...but this one was pretty easy.

Jon and I broke up.

He cheated on me.

Any cards, comments, emails, flowers, statements of what a jerk he is and how much better I am to be rid of him and/or song dedications from Deliah After Dark are welcome. Seriously though, I know that you guys are thinking of me and I appreciate it. :)

I'm okay - mostly shocked...and angry. Sad will come later...I'm sure. Until then, know that I appreciate your friendship. :)