The truth is...

The truth is...I've missed blogging.  Actually, I've missed blogging a lot.

So much has happened since I last wrote that sometimes it just feels easier to skip it all together.  I find myself asking, "How do I give context?"

But the truth is?  I started this blog with no context for any of you...especially those who happened to find me somewhere along the way.

So, since we're on this subject, here are many of my truths:

1.  I hate dating.  Okay, this you probably already knew.  But it feels a bit cathartic to actually write it.

2.  I want a baby.  Badly.  Not like I'm going to go all "Raising Arizona" on some unsuspecting family but bad enough that I am seriously considering sperm donors.  Wow.  That also feels cathartic to write that.  Out loud.  Ish.

3.  I've been in my new house for a year.  One year and I'm still wondering if I did the right thing by breaking up with Joe.  Because sometimes, I get lonely.  And while I know firsthand that just because you're "with" someone doesn't mean that you don't ever feel lonely, it still sometimes eats at me.  Because sometimes it's hard to forget the comfort and consistency that I found in his friendship.

4.  I've gained back every ounce of weight I've ever lost.  And wow if that doesn't tend to fuck with your confidence regarding my first point.  The thing is?  As I get older, I'm starting to realize that guys mind a lot less than they ever have before.  Unless you count my dad.  Nothing's changed there...he's still a dick to women who are over 100 pounds.

5.   I love my job.  I mean, I LURRRVE my job.  For the record, I switched companies in April and I now work for a company that a certain sitcom likes to call Kabletown.  Some days, I can't believe that they're paying me as well as they do to have as much fun as I have.  I work in a supportive environment - one where I'm rewarded, praised, challenged, and accepted.  Also, I get free cable.  So yeah, I love this company.

6.  My first "real" boyfriend found me on FaceBook and friended me.  That happened about a month ago.  It's still weird.  And I wonder if he's checked out my pictures, my posts, and anything about me.  Don't get me wrong, I don't wonder this because there is any love for him still; he seems to be happily married and that's great.  I think I feel weird because I was completely heartbroken when we broke up...and I was the one that dumped him.  I just changed my mind about a day later and was an absolute mess and he knew it.  I'd like to think that almost 20 years later, he's forgotten about it...but it's still kind of weird.

7.  I love HBO's "The Newsroom."  They just finished showing their first season and it's no longer on Video On Demand.  But I love it.  A lot.  And I want to recommend it to anyone.  It's by Aaron Sorkin - the guy who brought you "The West Wing," "Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip," and "The American President."  So yes, it's liberalish.  But it's also fast paced, witty, and absolutely delightful.

8.  I have adopted two orange tabby cats in January.  They're brothers.  Their names?  Oliver and Fat Gordon. And sometimes?  I can't tell them apart.   

9.  I have listened to "El Camino" by Amos Lee several times as I have been writing.  His voice feels like it's snowing outside and I'm inside, bundled under covers, in a favorite sweatshirt and fun pants, sipping hot cocoa.  Listening to his music is like being hugged...only with less groping.  Probably.

10.  I can't think of a tenth thing.

Until next time...

No, it really *is* a toothbrush...

Last week, I went on a business trip to a small town in North Carolina. I'd like to say that I had fun, but I like that this is a place where I can be honest. Like this time.

Anyway, right before leaving my hotel room, I usually do a sweep of the whole place to make sure that I leave nothing behind. But the day I checked out, I felt confident. I mean, I KNEW I had packed everything.

Except that apparently, I didn't.

I forgot my electric toothbrush. And it's an awesome one.

So I called the next day (after realizing that I left it behind) and had a conversation that went like this with the lady at the front desk:

Lady: Hi. Good morning. I'm in a crappy mood. I'm going to ask how I can help you, but I don't really want to help you.

Me: Fabulous. Say, I checked out of your fine hotel yesterday morning and I realized last night that I left something there. I stayed in room 115. Can you tell me if your housekeeping staff noticed an electric toothbrush?

Lady: Did they notice one? Well, I mean, they probably did.

Me: Great. Could someone send it to me?

Lady: You really want us to mail you your toothbrush back? Can't you just buy another one?

Me: Well, it's an electric toothbrush.

Lady: Huh?

Me: It's electric. It vibrates? So it gets your teeth really clean? It's made by SonicCare? They're not really cheap. So if they did find it, could you all send it?

Lady: Wait. HA! Oh. I know what you mean. It's a vibrating "toothbrush." Hahahaha Yeah. We find those "toothbrushes" kind of often. But I've never had someone ask me to send theirs to them.

Me: Um. No. I don't mean a vibrator. I mean it actually is a toothbrush.

Lady: Uh-huh. Well, let me ask the housekeeping department and we'll hit you back if we found anything like what you're describing.

Me: Uh...thanks.

And scene.

Just a friendly Public Safety Announcement

Last week, a co-worker named Stacey quit.  She found a better, higher paying opportunity but the real reason she quit is that she couldn't stand her boss.  In fact, no one can really stand the boss - it's not a secret.

As is typical in my workplace, another co-worker sent out an email inviting people to meet up on Friday to celebrate with Stacey.

So the email went out to probably 15 of us asking us to forward on to anyone else we thought was cool enough to be in attendance.

One of the people invited, Chuck, wrote to Stacey and a few others this:

"Alright!  I'll come!  And I'll bring the (insert Stacey's boss' name here) pinata!"

Okay.  So that's funny.  Because I don't know anyone who wouldn't at least fantasize about hitting this person with a stick.

But what he didn't realize is that he also sent this to Stacey's boss.

Doh!

Stacey's boss immediately forwarded the email on to our Human Resources person filing a grievance against Chuck stating that she felt that her life was being threatened.

At Stacey's exit interview, our HR person said "Oh, and I won't be able to make it out for your going away celebration.  I have other plans."  Apparently SHE thought that when she was forwarded the email by Stacey's boss that she was actually being invited.

Seriously.  I can't make this crap up. 

Also? Check your To:, cc:, and bcc: fields before sending.