Mom, that means you.*
My sex talk with my mom went like this "When you're an adult and you really, really, really love someone, YOU GET MARRIED. THEN..." And after that came a bunch of medical terminology for various body parts. Combine that with a relatively strict religious upbringing and you get one of the many issues I have.
The first two guys I slept with, we totally lied to everyone about having sex. Because everyone knows that only heathens have sex and it is forbidden by God to have sex before marriage. Also, did you know that it makes Baby Jesus cry? Well, if you weren't so busy having sex, you'd probably have known that by now.
So all I'm saying is that I've had some shame about sex...and my sisters and I have discussed this and it seems like this is not a unique perspective.
I write all this to say that I'm reluctant to write about sexual things on my blog. Because while I hope that you know that I'm kidding about being a raging alcoholic (please, I rarely rage), you might be a reader that feels pressed to tell me about all the things that make premarital sex wrong. And I'm letting you know that I get it. It's a sin. So is having envious thoughts of your neighbors things. So is having hate in your heart for your parents (or even step parents). So is killing people that were deliberately slow in traffic and when you try to pass them, they speed up so you can't pass them, which means that they TOTALLY DESERVED IT.
Having been in relationships where I wasn't getting any, I'm much happier when I am. I feel loved. I feel important. I feel special. I feel beautiful, sexy, and fantastic. And I love giving the same emotions to the person that I'm with.
I've downplayed the whole G thing for various reasons. But since it's kind of time to be true to myself, I can tell you that I have a lot of strong feelings for him. I wrote a little while ago that he gets that it's the little things that matter and he does a ton of little things for me daily. He calls me the endearments that I've "awww'd" over. He texts me throughout the day to let me know that he's thinking of me. He calls me every night to wish me a good night. He likes my dog. He supports me during times when I'm unsure of myself. He builds me up. He is a fantastic father. He's a patient man. He doesn't think I'm needy. He doesn't care that I can be clingy. He lets me pick the music. He pushes me to think of things in a different way. He's a really smart guy that I can have conversations about things on mulitple levels. He pushes back when I'm being stubborn and calls me out on the things that I need to be called out on. And he teases. He teases me about a billion and a half things - and I'm learning not to be so sensitive because I know that behind the teasing is a lot of caring. I care about him quite a bit. Much more than I let on.
And if you think that I'd muck this up just to date a guy that likes to take pictures of his back, you'd be crazy. We haven't dated anyone since we reconnected (because again, we've been friends for years) and haven't wanted to. Neither one of us planned on ever dating each other. But it's happened. And it's great.
So yeah, we're having sex.
And all I can say about that is that it is about frickin' time. Spending the night with someone who has all of the above attributes, well it makes for a lovely time. And waking up next to him?It's even better.
I'm not so over the moon that I don't think that this time could pass. And that what could happen is that we would have many many fights and many many tears and end up hating each other for forever. Yes, that could happen. But for now, I'm not in that phase. I'm enjoying THIS time... for however long it lasts. It's scary, but it's also wonderful...
So by Bible standards, I'm an old maid and a Jezebel. But I'm okay with that. :)
*Who am I kidding? My mom doesn't read this blog. Her computer has issues with going to my site...and really? Who can blame her computer? A lot of people have issues with my site. :)
5 hours ago