Believe it or not, this post actually is about pants

You know that tagline below my headline? The one that reads, "Note: This blog is not about pants."

Well, today it is wrong because this post actually *is* about pants.

Last week, I went to my doorstep and saw that I had a box waiting for me. I was pretty excited because I thought that the 3 pound ball of cheese that I had ordered from Mississippi State had arrived.

I looked at the label and saw that it was addressed to someone by the name of "Austen" and it had a last name that is CLOSE to mine, but not actually mine.

Upon closer inspection, it turns out that my address was actually printed out (via UPS) on the label and then slapped on top of the original label. The original label was sent to Austen in the city of Elizabeth, Colorado.

Apparently, someone at UPS thought that our names were similar enough and changed the shipping address.

What I found when I opened the box (what? At this point, I had no idea if it was to me or not) was this:

That's right. What you're looking at are two pairs of pants. One looks worn and one looks new. Both are size 34 pants - men's pants.

No note. No explanation. Just pants.

Even the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" had a note, right?

I've since contacted the sender who doesn't want to call UPS to straighten it out. I've called UPS who insists that they would never change addresses.

And in the end, I STILL have two pairs of pants and NO CHEESE.

I just think it's so strange, don't you? Like, I really want to take pictures of the pants in various situations - so that when the rightful owners get the pants, they're able to feel good about where their pants have been.

Should I name the pants?

Should I write a short story about the pants and all the things that they've seen?

Should I put all sorts of weird things in the box when I send the pants on? Like pictures from Awkward Family Photos and indicate that those pictured are my family members? If so, just so you know, my favorite is this one.

What do you think?

The better to see you with, my pretty!

My eyes are f*cked up.

LOOOOOONG story short, I was in a bad car accident 5 1/2 years ago and my brain swelled. The swelling of the brain made my vision all funky and even though the swelling has gone down to normal, I have issues with "convergence" of my eyes, issues that mean that I have to wear prisms in my glasses or else I get headaches. To be clear, it's not like when you look at me, I look like Rodney Dangerfield or anything...it's just that my eye muscles have to work really hard to constantly move my eyeballs inward. FRACTIONS inward. Again, I'm not wall eyed. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Anyway, I've been noticing since Monday night that my vision was all janked up in my left eye and I got kind of freaked out because it seemed like it came on pretty suddenly. So I made an appointment with an opthamologist to check out my peepers. I had never seen the opthamologist before, but apparently Tuesday was the day for any and all old people to come see him. Seriously. It even SMELLED like old people. AND I didn't get offered even one piece of Werther's Original candy. Hmmmph.

So Dr. Roe checked me out and dilated my eyes...only to determine that he had no idea what was causing my soreness, the worse vision, and the burning...all only in my left eye. So he said that I could get a new perscription (with more magnitude for my left eye and more prism for both eyes) or I could just wait and see. He literally said, "Do I think that it's something horrible that you're not really showing signs of yet? Well, possibly. But it's either you being hyper sensitive to the changes (i.e. you just noticed that your eyesight is worse in your left eye), or you have MS, or you have a brain tumor. But you should know something more in a week. Call me if the pain gets worse."

Fabulous.

So, what's an Irish girl to do after that news? Go downtown for St. Pat's and celebrate with friends. :)

The only problem is that apparently my left eye never un-dilated. Here I am with my friend Julie and you can see how big my pupils are...

Only I didn't know that it never went down...until the next morning when I put on my eyeliner. I looked in the mirror and was all "That can't be right." Larry even noticed that my left eye was messed up when I came into work.

The good news is that my pupil has gone down since then.

The bad news is that I still don't know why.

In the meantime, here's another St. Pat's picture - one where I don't look quite so sweaty. :)