Monday, October 20, 2008

Shiny Happy People (Holding Hands)

I work in an office that has a warehouse attached. I know, it must be hard for you to imagine such glamour - and I would like to take this moment to tell you that you have every right to be as envious as you are.

At any rate, right now I can hear "Shiny Happy People" by REM. I bet I haven't heard that song in decades…and I used to love them. Namely because this guy in my city-wide confirmation class, Chris, loved them. And how else do you get close to a boy you like other than to listen to the songs he likes over and over hoping that he'll mention SOMETHING about the band and you can say something un-dorky to him about said band and then he'll realize he loves you and then you get married and have cute babies? He was oh-so cute. He even had that hairdo that Vanilla Ice had back then. That's how you could tell that he was COOL.

So the time came when our confirmation class had a lock-in at the church. If you're not familiar with what they are, the idea is that you have a big sleepover party in the church. I think they're supposed to lock you in, but to tell you the truth, I never tried. I was away from my stupid parents who didn't know ANYTHING and that's all that mattered. True, I missed my Swatch phone, but I figured one night without it wouldn't kill me.

We all ate pizza, ran around the church, probably daydreamed while our leader tried to teach us something about God, and then got to watch movies until we fell asleep. I watched the movies next to Chris - and I was so happy that I couldn’t sleep - even when everyone else in the room (except Chris and I) were asleep. I know we watched about five movies, and the only one I remember was "Arachnophobia." I remember it because Chris tried to scare me by pretending his hands were spiders. Of course, I'd squeal in fear but also delight and after a while, we were holding hands under the blanket we were sharing. And then I was felt up.

For those who are cringing right now with a look of absolute disgust on your face, and screaming out to your monitor with complete horror, I guess I apologize. I know, you weren't expecting for me to write a post about how I got felt up at church. And I swear, I tried to write that sentence about twelve different ways, but there really wasn't a way to write that without me sounding like I was submitting a story to a cheesy romance novel wannabe contest.

My point is, REM is still a great band that gets me thinking about simpler times.

And that perhaps you shouldn't send your kids to a lock-in at church. Or if they insist, maybe you should chaperone the thing is all I'm saying.

Oh, and Chris, call me.

P.S. I'm thinking of printing up this post and giving it to my parents for Christmas. What? It's a post about church. They'll be proud. :)


turleybenson said...

I'm sorry but that is HEE-LARIOUS! So romantic, those teenage boys, no?

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Marc said...

What a great story. I too used to go to those badass lock-ins. What better way to spend a night then playing basketball on a carpeted floor, or playing hide-and-seek hiding in some scary-ass sanctuary, swearing that Jesus was pointing straight at you, clearly giving away your secretive hiding place underneath the pipe organ, or being felt up during Arachnophobia by a boy named Chris? Ahhhhh memories.

kristi said...

I feel dirty.

SuperDave said...

I'm officially taking my kids out of church!

Anonymous said...

The best part of this was that I misread the last "Chris" as "Christ."