Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Unless she happens to be an interior decorator.
But even then, I bet she'd think it was icky.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Leaving town for a week and not having regular fast internet service has really taken it's toll. I am so very behind in blogging AND I haven't even begun to read the myriad of posts that are piling up in my Google Reader.
I actually have a couple of funny topics to write about and have some other things that I've been processing that I'd like your feedback on...but for now, I'm being lazy.
So there's that.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
First, there was the photographer at the graduation that only had one leg:
And the celebration dinner afterward? It was held at a Mediterranean restaurant that had a belly dancer.
Oh and also BLARING music overhead. Don't believe me? Look at our friends having a fun time. Why, you can almost see the headache forming...
And no, he wasn't posing for that picture.
But hey, the place had hookahs everywhere...and that was nice. :)Alright, truth time. The food was excellent, the photographer actually had two legs, and the music was loud AND horrible.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
While waiting for the group to arrive in the Don Haskin's center, we noted that there was super secret service/security working the crowd. Now, Elizabeth graduated with an associates degree. I think it's safe to assume that no one in the crowd wished to harm a future nurse, baker, photographer, or even cosmetologist. Therefore, I didn't quite understand the guys...in suits...guarding the people. Which people? THE PEOPLE. Which people? Us, graduates, veterans? Who knows.
They were guarding the people from the dangers. It was like LIVING a 6 o-clock news broadcast (as in: What common graduation gift could kill you and yours? More at 11 - here on Channel 2). Apparently balloons are bad. So are flowers. So are air horns. So are cellophane wrappers. Also packages of peanuts.
Anyway, the super secret service/security guard in front of us took his job very seriously. So seriously, that I stared at him. They were wearing suits and headphone thingies. And that's when I noticed that I have seen him before. He's totally an old Backstreet Boy singer! You know, there's Mickey, Justin (oh la la!), Phil, Ted, Clint, and Howie.
Anyway, this is clearly one of them - the guy in the suit... you know, the one humming "The Right Stuff."Here he is scanning the crowd for any Tiffany posters.
And here he is telling a reporter that he's not available for comment as to whether he's the "gay one" or the "bad boy":
So there's that.
Here she is a couple of years ago at my mom's house in El Paso.
And the dog next to her? That's a 40 pound dog. Note the height of the door handles. Yes, she's THAT big.
So on the ride down to El Paso (Saturday) I wanted to make sure that she was as comfy as possible in the MINI. Which meant padding the back area, packing all of my stuff in the passenger seat, and renting a gas mask for me for any farts. Seriously, it's like a gas chamber/hot box in there.
To demonstrate the storage space of the MINI (I'm talking to you Guadagno), I give you Chassis...
Because the just wasn't quite as close to me as she'd like, she decided to sleep closer as the trip wore on.
Note the close proximity of her face to my face. This is so that when she got hot during the trip, she could turn her head slightly towards me and then pant. Hot. Smelly. Breathing. In. My. Noseholes.
I've never been so happy to get out of a car in my life.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Since sometimes blogger shrinks your images and you can't get a closer look, I'll tell you what it says.
First, it is for a place that handles logistics of shipping - i.e. a trucking company with extras.
Second, the sign says, "If you need and experienced Warehouse Provider, then why use a Trucking Company/Customs Broker that also has a Warehouse?"
Further below it talks about how this company DOES have a warehouse. And also "Exceeding Customers' Expectations Since 1962."
There are so very many things wrong with this poster, I don't even know what to say. Except that whatever employee was in charge of editing is fired. The punctuation alone is enough to make me tear out my hair.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Here is how the dessert looked when it came to work:
Mmmmmm....victory tastes good.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I have gone to the same dentist for 5 years...and I love her.
I do not, however, love the hygenist. My first experience with her was six months ago (go figure). I have worked very hard to get over that visit...so I can really only recount yesterday's visit. It is strangely VERY similar to the last time.
Her: Hi there. I'm about to put sharp objects in your mouth. And also I am weird.
Me: Great to meet you. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm tall. Maybe you could adjust the head rest thingie?
Her: Sure. I'll pretend to, but really I won't. That's why I suck. Oh, also? Did you know my nickname all through my life? It's "The Riddler."
Me: Why would that be?
Her: Oh...you'll see...
(alright the above part is a bit of an exaggeration...but the following IS what happened - no embelishment...okay, very LITTLE embelishment)
Her: So, have you done all of your holiday shopping this year?
Me: (remembering that she is "The Riddler" and trying to answer in one word answers) Yep.
Her: Wow. Great. I love Christmas. What is the present that you're most excited to give?
Me: Um...it's a long story.
Her: Oh. Okay.
COMFORTABLE SILENCE (apparently not so comfortable to her)
Her: So, are you working today or are you off?
Me: It's 7 in the morning...so yeah, I'm working today.
Her: Well, you never know! Some people just love coming in in the morning.
Her: So...do you know what the weather is going to be like this weekend?
Her: Why not?
Me: Because I'm going to be out of town. (and then I did a mental head slap for being so stupid)
Her: Oh really? Where are you going to go?
Me: El Paso.
Her: Wow. Where they make the sauce?
Me: No. (I still can't resist wanting to punch people who think that El Paso is where the salsa is made. PEOPLE WISEN UP!)
Her: Are you going for work or fun?
Her: Oh really? Are you going for just the weekend or for Christmas?
Me: Both. (Tricky, really. I'm going for the weekend, coming back, and then going home again for Christmas)
Her: I don't understand. What do you mean?
Me: It's a long story.
Her: So are you moving there?
Her: Are you moving to El Paso?
Seriously, it went like this for AN HOUR.
It's as if somehow me giving one word answers was the go-ahead she needed to ask more detailed questions. I couldn't figure out if she was just crazy, needy or possibly wanting to rob my house while I was gone.
And yes, I'm asking for a different hygenist if they have one - if not, I'm asking for recommendations for dentists.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
and put his own version up over it (which was this):
In case you can't tell, my new mascot is wearing a space helmet and carrying a light saber. Despite several statements of how "Star Wars" is not the same as "Space Camp," everyone thought it was funny. And besides, the mascot looks cute in any thing. So I kept the picture up. My picture of me in glasses in my cube from earlier even shows it - look!
Fast forward to this morning... the guy from the receiving department walks in the door with a HUGE package. I, being the smart ass I am, started asking in an annoying way if the package was from Santa and for me. About 15 times I asked.
Finally the warehouse guy turns around and says, "Well, I'm not sure which Anne it's for" (there are two Anne's in my office).
And I see that the package looks like this:
My heart literally lept inside me! I was disappointed that Santa didn't know how to spell my name, but depending on the gift inside, I was prepared to forgive him.
I opened up the package only to find a light saber! :)
And a note from Santa!
The note says:
Even though youhave not been all that good this year, I could not help but to give you a little something. I know it has been a few years since "camp" but I thougth maybe this would spark your Jedi ways again. Try to be a little better this year so I can do more for you next Christmas.
And I think that proves something significant.
Santa DOES know how to spell my name. It's just his elves that messed up on the package.
But once upon a time, a long long time ago, I wasn't such a smart ass - at least not out loud. I mean, I still thought the same comments, but for some reason I tried to not let others know, for fear they would think I was bullying them.
These days, I've embraced my smart-ass-ness. I really just want to be funny. I am never a smart ass with the intent to hurt someone's feelings. So if I find out that it offended them, I am quick to say I'm sorry.
But the thing is, some of my friends from a long time ago don't know that. And so now I'm on Facebook and I can't help being a smart ass. BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY.
So like this morning... I was on Facebook and saw a "friend" (I'll call him Sam Bird - but that is clearly not his name) who had a picture of his two little kids. His kids, for the record, are cute. I mean, I'm not sure if they're cute in the face or not, but their bodies are cute. Here is the picture.
Cute right? But also, really funny to me. So I posted this comment:
"Okay - after being on here a week, I decided to break down and ask.
Is your daughter:
a) stuck in a pumpkin
b) eating the shell of a pumpkin
c) throwing up the everclear that you put in her bottle in the most convenient place (i.e. a recently hollowed out pumpkin)?"
"Ha, hi Anne, it's been a long time.
No, when your 2.5 your arms are short enough that when you reach to the bottom you head happens to come in contact with the top of the pumpkin."
Gramatical errors aside, I think his response is funny. First, um...yeah, I did not actually think you spiked your kids' sippy cup. Because that's just mean. Or very helpful and useful. I don't quite know because I don't have kids.
What I do think is VERY funny is his first line: Ha, hi Anne, it's been a long time. As in, "Boy Anne, you are not funny. And quite honestly, you exhaust me. It's been a long time, but not long enough if you're going to post comments like that on pictures that I love of my innocent kids. Also, I'm de-friending you."
So there you have it. If you haven't joined Facebook (cough cough - that means you) you are missing out on me posting smartass comments on YOUR photos.
And that is the gift that keeps on giving.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Anyway, the commercial for "Now That's What I Call Music" came on 28 times during the half hour of TV I watched. Around the 17th time, I realized that I am old.
I used to know all of the songs that they featured on the commercial. Ride the Train? Check. Total Eclipse of the Heart? Check. Tootsie Roll? Check.
But now, with their latest version (I think they're on 853,921), I've realized that I recognized two songs and only four artists. Ne-yo is one of the many artists I don't even kind of recognize. Seriously? That's this guy's name?
I am old.
To make me feel not so old, please let me know what your favorite dance song is. It does not necessarily have to have been featured on "Now That's What I Call Music" but you get bonus points if it has.
I'll start you off...Mine? It's "Ride the Train."
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
I'm talking about how I just ended NaBloPoMo and I'm posting today.
AND I'm talking about how people told me how cool Facebook was and I was all, "Dude. I have a myspace page. And it is pretty fly. And I've contacted people via myspace. So what can Facebook really bring me?"
And then others told me of it's general fantastic-ness. But I found out that you had to put your full name on Facebook. Having been stalked by ex-boyfriends, I didn't find this too exciting. But then I learned that not just anyone can see your profile...you have to approve them. And that is something I could get behind.
So this afternoon, I joined.
It is a mecca of people that you forgot. Lots of people you wish you still could forget. But buried in there are people that you didn't want to forget - it just happened.
Facebook is smart. It takes people you are friends with and then suggests people that you might know too. So it's like searching for people lazy style. And hello! I love lazy.
The best thing is that you can post smart ass comments about people and things via a wall. A wall of comments. Facebook had me at "smart ass comments."
So I'm here to tell you that Facebook rocks. Perhaps I love it so much because I went to high school in Texas and college in Missouri. So I don't exactly see Michael Guadagno every day. And how can you NOT want to be friends with a guy who has the last name of Guadagno? It's virtually impossible.
Alright, friends, I'm off to the bathroom to put on my face to look pretty for a first date tonight. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it'll end in drunken craziness and a perscription for Plan B, but it should be adventurous all the same.
OMG I AM KIDDING. You don't need a perscription for Plan B anymore.