Thursday, December 11, 2008

As if the dentist's office wasn't bad enough already

Yesterday morning I had my bi-annual dentist check-up.

I have gone to the same dentist for 5 years...and I love her.

I do not, however, love the hygenist. My first experience with her was six months ago (go figure). I have worked very hard to get over that visit...so I can really only recount yesterday's visit. It is strangely VERY similar to the last time.

Her: Hi there. I'm about to put sharp objects in your mouth. And also I am weird.
Me: Great to meet you. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm tall. Maybe you could adjust the head rest thingie?
Her: Sure. I'll pretend to, but really I won't. That's why I suck. Oh, also? Did you know my nickname all through my life? It's "The Riddler."
Me: Why would that be?
Her: Oh...you'll see...

(alright the above part is a bit of an exaggeration...but the following IS what happened - no embelishment...okay, very LITTLE embelishment)

Her: So, have you done all of your holiday shopping this year?
Me: (remembering that she is "The Riddler" and trying to answer in one word answers) Yep.
Her: Wow. Great. I love Christmas. What is the present that you're most excited to give?
Me: Um...it's a long story.
Her: Oh. Okay.
COMFORTABLE SILENCE (apparently not so comfortable to her)
Her: So, are you working today or are you off?
Me: It's 7 in the morning...so yeah, I'm working today.
Her: Well, you never know! Some people just love coming in in the morning.
COMFORTABLE SILENCE
Her: So...do you know what the weather is going to be like this weekend?
Me: No.
Her: Why not?
Me: Because I'm going to be out of town. (and then I did a mental head slap for being so stupid)
Her: Oh really? Where are you going to go?
Me: El Paso.
Her: Wow. Where they make the sauce?
Me: No. (I still can't resist wanting to punch people who think that El Paso is where the salsa is made. PEOPLE WISEN UP!)
Her: Are you going for work or fun?
Me: Fun
Her: Oh really? Are you going for just the weekend or for Christmas?
Me: Both. (Tricky, really. I'm going for the weekend, coming back, and then going home again for Christmas)
Her: What?
Me: Both
Her: I don't understand. What do you mean?
Me: It's a long story.
COMFORTABLE SILENCE
Her: So are you moving there?
Me: What?
Her: Are you moving to El Paso?
Me: No.
....and SCENE!

Seriously, it went like this for AN HOUR.

It's as if somehow me giving one word answers was the go-ahead she needed to ask more detailed questions. I couldn't figure out if she was just crazy, needy or possibly wanting to rob my house while I was gone.

And yes, I'm asking for a different hygenist if they have one - if not, I'm asking for recommendations for dentists.

5 comments:

Amy said...

Too Funny. At least she knew El Paso was around. Many people do not know.

kristi said...

What a freak! Why do hygenists always want to try to carry on a conversation when you have fourteen implements in your mouth? I think it's time to call 1-800-DENTIST.

Michael Guadagno said...

Hey! When you're done in El Paso - can you bring me back some of their salsa?? Thanks!

POD said...

How does she get any work done with you answering all those questions? When I go the dentist, I like to be quiet so I'm not biting the dentist or the hygenist or spitting across the room.
Tell her to STFU.

Anonymous said...

Have you looked online for another hygenist?
Why not?
Is it because you're moving?