Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Let's just file this under the "Things that suck a whole lot" heading, shall we?

So I have this THING in my uterus.  (BTW, more blog posts should start out this way, no?)

And it's not a baby.

It's a uterine fibroid and apparently it WAS bigger than a softball, but NOW is bigger than a grapefruit.  I'd like to take this moment to thank my surgeon for ruining a fruit that I actually used to like to eat.

I would link to the Wikipedia page on uterine fibroids, but once you go there and see the pictures, you'll never want to eat anything again.  Probably.  Wait, maybe I should go there and check it out.

Anyway, said fibroid makes me bleed for weeks on end and apparently is leaving me BARREN.  That, by the way, is a word that I totally think should make a comeback.
So I'm having surgery at the mid-end of October to get it removed.

Assuming I don't die, I'll be off work for 6 weeks or so.

During that time, I'll be catching up on my Harry Potter reading (I just finished book #3) and (of course) working on my never-go-wrong formula for figuring just WHO the baby daddy is on the Maury Povitch show.

It's good to have goals.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Let's get fiscal

So it's been a long time since I've written about my work - at least anything slightly funny about work.

I'd have to go back and look in the archives to see if I've mentioned it before, but Lance (the guy who used to be my co-worker and then became my boss) has a problem.

One that is pretty detrimental to being a good manager.

He gets his words confused.  Big time.

Like, almost a year ago, when they told us that we were going to be working out of a different building (another one that our company owns), he told us we were going to be working for AT&T.  The part of our company has two of those letters, but not all three...  you can imagine our confusion.

There is a guy in our company who's name is kind of like Calvin Coolidge.  He calls him Kelvin Kingston.  No one knows why.

We have a lady in our company who's name is kind of like Anne Botros.  He calls her Amy Billings.

It's like he can't hear people's names - and he doesn't retain the information.  It's as if he just can't hear the difference between the words.  Clarkson becomes Clarkston.  Alan becomes Adam.  Peaktronics becomes PeakLAtronics.  Pueblo becomes Pleblo.    It's SO weird.  And confusing.

But in this morning's meeting, he started talking about last month's numbers - which was our fiscal month #11 (our fiscal year ends this month).

And he kept saying, "In FY 11, we did X amount of business."  Since our fiscal year for 2011 hasn't started yet, we were a bit confused.  And then he says, "Sorry...I meant in physical month 11..." Which ALSO doesn't make sense - because WHAT is a physical month?

So he's going to our main headquarters today - to give a presentation.  And I know that last month's numbers are going to come up.  So I went into his office and asked him a few questions - ones that he answered with the same mistakes as earlier.

I said, "I think you mean fiscal instead of physical." 

He smiled and said "Physical."

Me: "Fiscal."

Him: "Physical."

Me: "It's spelled F-I-S-C-A-L."

Him: "Okay." (He is not a good speller)

Me: "You might want to learn the difference between the two words."

Him: "Can't I just explain last month's numbers as FY 11?"

Me: "No.  The FISCAL year 2011 hasn't started yet.  That starts October 1st. The abbreviation "FY" means fiscal year. So no...describing last month's numbers as FY 11 doesn't make sense."

Him: "Well, how am I supposed to talk about last month's numbers?"

Me: "Just say 'last month's numbers'."

Him: "Okay."


THAT is the guy who manages this whole place.  Nice guy.  Really.  Just not someone that I can really learn from, you know?

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

It's less of an "update" and more of a "downdate."

I interviewed for a job last week.

I didn't get it.

I'm still stuck in this hell that seems more and more like prison every day...except for the fact that there is slightly less stealing and selling of bodies.  Other than that?  JUST LIKE PRISON.

The thing is, after the job interview, I was pretty sure that I didn't want the job - it was different than what they had explained it as.  So I'm not upset that I didn't get the job as much as I'm upset that I still have this one.

And yes, I SHOULD be happy that I'm gainfully employed.  And I am.

Only I can't believe that this is all that there is in the world for me. I don't make a difference.  I have no purpose.  I would be a starving artist downtown, but a) I don't do starving...have you SEEN me? and b) I don't have any "natural talent" when it comes to artistic things.  Just another thing about me that is completely UNnatural.

I've had several sets of guests in town this summer.  Some mine, some Joe's.  I've also flown out of town to visit friends. And in the end, I'm sort of sad I live here instead of where they live.

Don't get me wrong, I have friends here.  It's just...different than the friends that I have in the other places.  Is it that when I visit them (or vice versa) we make the most of our time since we know we won't have much of it?  Maybe.

So, to catch you up quickly:
1) I still have a job that is slowly killing me. I would say "killing me softly" but my job has nothing to do with songs.  Also, I'm kind of loud and therefore there isn't a high chance of something me doing anything softly.
2) I visited my best friend this weekend and we made another quilt (this time we finished the WHOLE thing this weekend).  It's WAY cool and has lots of t-shirts that I thought I had misplaced until I moved this past spring and found a Rubbermaid tub of them under the stairs.  The last one was flannel - this one is I have a spring and a winter quilt.  I'm lucky.  Only I miss her so much that I'm pretty much cuddled in it the entire time I'm at home.  It's pathetic.
3) I still don't have a dog.  Did I ever mention on this one that my dog died?  Well, she did.  June 22nd.  That day can suck it.  And because of where we live - in a downtown hi-rise building, we can't get a puppy.  Potty training would be more of a nightmare than it already is.  And I so want something else to pour my love into that I'm actually thinking of getting a cat.  Someone check me into a mental hospital...I can't believe I just wrote that.  I'm the person that doesn't like cats.  Maybe I should get a plant?
4) I'm still fact, today I signed up for my first race since the 5 miler that I ran in April.  This one is just a 5K though, so it shouldn't kick my bootay TOO badly.
5) My dad still writes/talks about poop.  I'm so not kidding.
6) I kindasorta wish I lived some place else.

No...not a happy fun post, but hey, at least it IS a post.