Thursday, December 04, 2008

Don't let the picture fool you


I don't like cats. They are evil.

I don't like them. To be fair, I guess I should say that I don't like 99% of them...since I haven't met EVERY cat. To date, there are three cats that I have liked a lot. Their names were Clyde, Calvin, and Link. And only one is still alive.

Reasons I don't like most cats:
1. They seem to be mean. You pet them and they purr and purr and purr...that is until they bite you. You have about 0.1 seconds of warning. And then just pain. I don't get it. They're clearly enjoying it. I'm not changing how hard I press or where I'm petting...they just bite for no reason.
2. Cat Scratch Fever is NOT just a catchy tune. Lance was bitten/scratched by a cat and had to go to the hospital and have surgery because of it.
3. They walk on counter tops... the same counter tops that you prepare food on.
4. I am allergic to them.
5. They scratch the furniture. And since you can't really crate a cat, you really can't have any preventative measures.
6. They are hard to train.
7. They walk all over you whenever THEY want to.
8. They are finicky eaters.
9. They suffocate babies.
10. They don't want to be cuddled or loved on.
11. They are not like dogs.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want bad things to happen to cats. And I don't think that all dogs are fantastic. I like well behaved dogs - and I guess that's my issue with cats. You can't train them...so they're like ill-behaved children running around.
The cat pictured above is my dad's cat, Talley. She is also crazy. But she sort of looks like a muppet...and that makes me half-way like her.

9 comments:

Amy said...

I feel the same way about cats. I am not really a cat person either. They are okay and I am nice to them I just love dogs more.

Bonnie said...

I am also allergic to cats and they seem to know it and go out of their way to irritate my allergies. As soon as I'm in a room with a cat they will come and jump on me and start rubbing themselves all over me. I have never been a cat person, but they seem to love me.

Jen said...

I am not much of a cat person either and cats seems to know it too!! When ever I am around them they run away, pounce or scratch me! I'll stick with doggies I can train!

Kris said...

What a cat racist! I read everything except, 'some of my best friends are cats'. Buster and I will still be your friend, but Midnight is out!
PS- my cats do not bite, walk on counters, eat whatever i feed them, are trained to sit for treats and the baby suffocating incident cannot be proven!

happyfunpants said...

Kris,

Your cat sounds delightful. I think I'll have to add Buster to the list.

Jon Hey said...

Cats are evil and horrible. I have only met one nice cat in my life. All others are hateful. I am with you, man...with you hard core.

SuperDave said...

I had to cover my cats eyes so she wouldn't read your post. She would've been angry..
Don't listen to her Lucy, she's just mad that someone slipped her a "slug."
It's okay Lucy she is hugging Talley not suffocating her.
What did you say Lucy, "She has pretty red hair." Which one?

Ginger said...

I a cat lover - some might even say "cat whisperer" :P My cat, Casey, does not bite or get on the counter. He hasn't smothered mykidand he doesn't scratch furniture. He does jump in your lap and he snuggles next to you when you sleep, but you can hardly fault him for being sweet.

That being said, I've also been roommates with the most mean, angry, passive agressive, FAT cat on the planet. And though I had to sleep with one eye open just in case, Bagel at least was amusing.

Anonymous said...

What about when they kill nasty creatures that live in your wall, only to come out at night and steal your child's breath? Truly, it's real. See? Very helpful.