I've made it!!

I got my first piece of spam email from my blog. Someone asked if they could guest write for my blog - and then they linked to their "blog" which conveniently has absolutely NOTHING to do with what I write about. They sent it to my blog email (happyfunpants at gmail DOT com) so I have to say that I was pretty impressed that they went through all that trouble just to send me spam.


I know, I know...it's not as cool as the spam commenters that Charlie wrote about (down at the bottom of the post), but hey, it's a start.

Hey - also, tomorrow is Colorado's Bike to Work Day. So please, if you see a chubby white girl on a bike, give her a bit of room. I'm biking almost 3 times further than what I did last year and I'm pretty excited about the workout and soreness that I'll experience.

In honor of tomorrow, I've opted to link to what has to be one of my favorite posts of all time. It's about my first bike ride when I bought my bike over a year ago. It's verbose, but funny. :)

Bike to work day, part duex

I made it to work on Wednesday without getting hit by a car once! :)

Actually, that is not as big of a feat as not throwing up or passing out. Ever since my problem with my balls, I've been a little dizzy in the mornings...and when I bike without having anything in my stomach I start feeling really woozy. I've tried eating and then waiting 30 minutes - which according to my mom is enough time to settle the stomach for anything - and I will throw up after biking for about 5 minutes. It's really nice for the other cyclists, walkers, drivers passing by, and my overall attractiveness factor.

My co-worker, Larry the cyclist, told me that he has that problem too. He recommended eating a package of these little blocks of energy, stating that they taste just like gummy bears.

Larry is a liar.

First, when you start chewing them, they almost start melting in your mouth. They taste of not of delectable sweets from my past but rather some sort of health gel. Also, they are not in the shape of gummy bears, which is half of the enjoyment of eating gummies.

However, these little blocks of energy goo kept me from tossing my cookies...er...gel blocks... and kept me on my bike.

The actual biking was fun even if the ride back was brutal due to the heat wave that Denver has been experiencing. It was a short ride and if I ride my bike partially to work again, I'll make sure to do so in the fall.

Plus, I have a free t-shirt. And really, isn't that the most important thing?

Bike to work day

Today is Colorado's Bike To Work Day.

And even though I live quite a distance from work, I'm going to participate... by biking PART of the way to work.

I'm nervous because our company has actually entered a competition with other small companies (clarification: our company is big, but our office in Denver is small) and right now (according to our coordinator) we are in the lead with people.

I committed to going, I scoped out my route yesterday and I am relatively excited to go.

I couldn't sleep all night because I kept waking up, sure that I had slept through an alarm and not left me enough time to bike to work. Then I'd be called a wussy and likely stoned.

So - I'm off to work (okay, after I pack my bag).

Like I say to my dog every day when I leave:
Okay, I love you. I'll be back later. Be a good internet*, guard the blog* while I'm gone.

* = with Chassis, I say girl and house, respectively. :)

More freckles than before...

I spent an hour and fifteen minutes today riding around REI.

I found a way better route than the one before. It goes down a much less busy street.

I didn't bike as far as I wanted and I didn't bike the whole time (the new route, though less busy, still had that VERY steep hill that I just couldn't pedal up the whole way). I've been taking my wheel off and DRIVING to REI or another spot just to bike - mostly because I was feeling inadequate with going on six lane streets and blaring horns. It's worked okay, but taking apart my bike to get it in and out of the car has not been great and I haven't biked as often as I had planned because of the hassle. In fact, due to many personal issues, I haven't biked in weeks.

Today I woke up and was feeling unease. With what, I'm still not sure, but it was unease. I blogged, I ate lunch, I cleaned around the house and still couldn't shake what my friend calls 'The Crazy' and I knew that talking about it wouldn't really help...so I decided to sweat it out.

And I am so happy I did.

I got a bike because I wanted it to be a stress-reliever. And today I was so thankful that I had that. I had a ton more reasons of why I shouldn't have gone - it was 2:30 and pretty hot outside. But I knew that that is what I needed.

The wind was at my back the way down to Broadway so the way back was a bear at times, but it was great! :)

I came back home with about 50 more freckles than what I had before and a slightly saner mind.

Go me.

Not because I got back on the bike. Not because I biked 11 miles (by rough calculation via Google Maps). Not because I found a new route. Not even because I seemed to have mastered the grip shifts.

But because I listened to my body and my spirit. I didn't bury the feelings of inadequacy, of loss, of doubt, and of frustration. I acknowledged them for what they were, and did something healthy with my body instead of beating my mind up all day long.

Oprah would be proud. :)

Just like Lance...only not

So, I've been promising that I would blog on my biking adventures...and so I will. :)

First, I bought the bike on Monday...and was excited about the purchase.  The quick ride on the paths by the bike shop helped me feel VERY excited about being able to get it home.  Sure, I had to take off the front wheel to get it in my MINI, and sure, I ended up scratching the inside of said MINI's C-pillar, but it's worth it, right?  

During lunch on Tuesday, I went to a different place where my co-worker swears they have great deals on biking accessories.  I walked out of there with a helmet (that actually allows ponytails through the straps!), a floor pump (complete with pressure gauge), as well as a couple other choice items that would make me safe and happy while riding said bike.  What I can say is that technology has changed quite a bit since I rode them two decades ago.  Grip shifters are now the thing - which makes them LOOK like bikes from our childhood but with the functionality of the 10 speeds.  And they shift so easily!  Remember that I said this, dear friends...it will come in handy later.  Oh, and the seats are more comfortable.*

Tuesday after work I rushed home to ride the bike.  I got on the joggabra (please, sometimes this is a workout in itself), set up everything (including my new iTunes playlist called "bike"), and set out - ready to ride to the huge REI that is by my place.  REI has many bike trails around it and according to my co-worker, I should be able to bike around there without a problem.  Sounds great... right?  Yeah, only not so much.

See, the problem with biking at REI is that you have to GET to REI.  Which means I have to (and sorry for those outside of Denver) bike down Zuni - across 29th (which turns into 15th), down the steep hill to REI.  

I start my biking with optimism.  I mean, there is a steady stream of "Whoa there!" going through my mind, but that's likely to fade, right?  Besides, Van Morrison's "Jackie Wilson Said" is streaming through my headphones...fun, upbeat...what can go wrong?

I realized as I was riding down there that I wasn't pedaling hardly at all...thus the return trip would be filled with not so much fun bouts of panting and cursing.  I decided that since I would be a hazard to....well...anyone around me that I should stick to the sidewalks.  Then I thought, "do people ride bikes on the sidewalks?"  I don't know.  Hell, when I'm in a car I barely pay attention to what the other cars on the road are doing let alone documenting if bikers are on the sidewalks or the streets.  Clearly, I'm too busy enjoying the baseline of "Gloria" to care.

Okay, so I'm on the sidewalk and I get to my first red light.  No problem.  I get off my seat (straddling my bike) and wait for the light to turn green so I can cross across 29th.  It does.  And I'm not kidding you EVERYONE in their cars at the light turns to look at me.  No pressure.  

So I get on the bike and I start pedaling.  Only I forgot that I put it in a much higher gear before stopping at the light.  I swear, I must've looked like a monkey trying to cross that street because I was pedaling SO hard while almost weaving.  I'm sure the people thought that I was going to swerve into their cars - I couldn't get enough momentum to ride straight!  I couldn't figure out the gear shifters in enough time to recover.  Just when the momentum started getting up there, I realized I was coming to the end of the street...and I started looking frantically for the ramp UP to the sidewalk.  No ramp.  The mantra of "Whoa there" changed quickly to "Oh SHIT!!!" over and over in my mind.  I can't jump the curb, I mean, who am I? Tony Hawk?  So I instead tried to jump off my bike only that didn't work and I almost wiped out.  I swear I heard the people in the cars laughing.  I can't blame them.  I would've too.  

So now I'm on 29th, on a road I've literally never even walked, and I notice that apparently this is where concrete demolition training must be held in the daytime.  There is not a straight path anywhere.  Jagged pieces of concrete are sticking out of the ground, cones litter the sidewalks, and are potholes (are they called potholes when they're on sidewalks?) the size of monster truck tires everywhere.  I have no choice other than to try to navigate my way over the smoothest bumps.  This is the only part of this blog where Lance Armstrong and I have any similarity because I'm not sure I can conceive children now after going over some of the terrain.  

Okay - I am officially now on 15th.  And I realize that the very steep sidewalk that I'm on is leading me along store front properties.  My mantra of "Oh SHIT!" has just changed to "Please God, don't let someone come out of those stores" because really?  There is no way I could avoid hitting them.  I end up going over an overpass - just me, on the sidewalk...where one side is 4-6 lanes of very busy rush hour traffic.  The other?  SPEEDING cars on 1-25 (hence, the overpass).  Fun...no pressure here.  I round the corner to get towards REI parking and note that a guy is waiting for the bus.  IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK.  Where is my sumo horn now?  He looks at me, must've seen the terror in my face, and wisely backs into the grass out of harm's way.  Over my headphones "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen is playing.  

I get to REI...but the battle to find the bike paths has only just begun.  

I'm finally able to locate said paths and start cruising down the path.  Sure, it took a lot of work to get here, but now that I'm done with that part, I can just enjoy this.  Right? 

No. 

Because it's now 6:30 in the evening.  The sun is setting along the Platte River and thus a time when any and all gnats must form in HUGE clouds all along the bike path.   I've discovered that I don't like the feeling of gnats hitting my face.  Also not a big fan of the taste of them.  The worst is when they get behind my sunglasses.  

Please, kind readers, take the time to picture what I look like if you were coming up the path to me on your bike.  I'm this big woman on a cute bike whose helmet is slightly askew.  I'm panting, I'm spitting out insects from the last cloud of gnats, only to cruise into a new swarm.  Me shaking my head like a crazy person means my torso shakes as well.  And like that stupid bone song from when we were kids says, if my torso is shaking, you know my arms are shaking.  This does wonders for my already floundering stability and I start wobbling on the bike.  Those grip shifters I mentioned earlier?  Yeah, well they do allow you to shift gears with the slightest turn of your grips... So my wobbling makes me want to grip tighter...and thereby I'm changing gears quickly.  I swear, during the 4,328 clouds of gnats, I almost hit two dogs, a group of 10 bikers clad in spandex, a family with the most Arian looking children ever, an old man who was running seemingly in place, a homeless person, and what looked like a raccoon.

That return trip?  It was just the way I thought it would be.  Full of panting, sweating, and finally the feel of success as I arrived home.

I've been out a couple of times since then and in some ways it's gotten better.  I'm dedicated to keep at it - and I hope that at some point it will get easier and I'll have figured out a better route to bike paths that are low on the gnat-meter.

*comfortable is a relative term.  Seriously, the seats have gotten bigger in the last 20 years.  Unfortunately, so has my ass.

It's more of a coral...

Alright, I wasn't honest with you.

On Sunday when I was writing about a new hobby I didn't write about the one that I have been thinking about for a couple of months. Biking.

Yes, I know - I have the physique of a cyclist. I get that all the time. :) But really, it seems fun, it'd be something to help me be healthier, and it'd be a great stress reliever.

So yesterday, my boss, Larry, and I went to Treads here in town and looked at the bikes. All during work, I checked out reviews and figured out the best bike for me, at this time. After work, I went back, test drove one, and bought it. It's so cute! :) I put the box around the part of the frame that helps show the detailing.
I'm not sure if you can see from the pictures, but it's a Trek Women's bike. It's a cross bike - good for riding on bike paths or a little bit of brush. It's technically "light salmon" but it looks like more of a retro orange. Not too wild about the color, but in this brand/level there was either this color or white. And I didn't want white. A friend asked if it was coral...and I'd have to say, yes...it's coral (that's my middle name for those who don't know). :)

I did ride it around yesterday -the bike shop had a bunch of bike paths next to it - so I took it out for about 30 minutes yesterday before I bought it. After a slight freak out that I would crash and go over my handlebars, I got the hang of it again and was riding like the cool person I am. :) Really, it was so much fun. It's amazing how many fun memories it brought back...I really truly enjoyed it far more than I thought I would. :)

And for the ladies out there, I will say that there have been SO many advances in bikes since I was a kid. I think the last time I was on a bike was in 8th or 9th grade when Jill and I rode to 7-11. For the record, she is the one that stole the map. So yeah, almost 20 years later and I'm on a bike again. They change gears SO smoothly and are much more comfortable for women than what they used to be. The seat? MUCH better. :)

Now all that's left is the horn. :) This is the one that I do want. It's not retro, but look how FUN it is. :)

And for those that like to know, after I got it out of my MINI (yes, it fits inside, you just have to take the front wheel off...and I have quick release wheels) and put it together and brought it inside the house, Chassis was TERRIFIED of it. She wouldn't go anywhere near it. I put it in my kitchen, next to the door and it took me giving her treats just to get her outside. And even then, as she got closer, she'd just BOLT out the door or in the door. So we both have some adjustments to make to the bike. :)