Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Ten REALLY good reasons to have babies...

1) They're so cute. I oooh and ahhh over friends babies often. I'm lucky enough to have friends that blog and take pictures of their babies. Because I don't want to show any favorites, just know that you guys make some cute babies. :) I've never seen such long eyelashes or cute facial expressions as I have recently. Your baby is delightful.

2) Most importantly, I'd get to write posts like this. You know, ones where you're kind of making fun of the baby, but the baby won't know. That post is hilarious and I've found myself reading it over and over because I'm laughing so hard. See, I think that people take their babies too seriously sometimes. And posts like this help me know that it's okay to mock people who don't know that you're mocking them. Wait. That can't be right.

3) They smell like...well technically they smell like what society and Proctor & Gamble have told us babies should smell like. But they smell delightful...when clean. Or at least not poopy.

4) There is nothing like the feel of a baby. And before you call CPS, just know that I'm talking about the complete love and trust that they lay on you as they fall asleep. It's absolutely miraculous and easily one of the best feelings ever. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a friend's house and got to hold this baby almost all night long. Through feedings, naps, and general jumping time. The naps though? Those were the best.

5) You get to teach them all sorts of things. Like, my friend Mikey's wife taught his daughter that Daddy's name was "doorknob." And that Halloween is so that the adults can get candy. You may think this is mean, but I think it's HILARIOUS. And least for now. :) I mean, if I could get over the fact that Santa doesn't exist, then people can get over that Halloween might actually be so that the kids can eat candy too.

6) You get to pick their names. Unless you're on some sort of messed up reality show. And while I don't agree with naming your kid Sarah McCain Palin against your wife's wishes, it's still your right. Like, I'm trying to convince Lance to name his kid Gertrude Susan. Because Gertie Sue is a FUNNY name. Unless that's your name. In which case, it's so magnificent that I wanted to duplicate it. Lance's last name sort of sounds like Gertie so it's even funnier with his last name. For the record, my children will have the most beautiful names ever: like Unice, Dwightel, or Dieter.

7) You can get out of obligations. Seriously. Someone invites you to a party and you don't want to go? Blame it on the baby. "We would go...but you know...the baby needs his/her tummy time!"

8) You get to re-introduce your favorite books and movies to them and see the wonderment in their eyes. I think that'd be awesome.

9) If you get bored with them, you can drop them off. At least in Nebraska. They have a safe haven law where you can drop off your kids. I'm not sure if it's a "no questions asked" sort of deal or not, but hey - it's an out. Alright, I wouldn't actually drop off my kids - I mean, that's kind of horrible. All I'm saying is that if spanking is frowned upon, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling the kids "Keep this up, and we'll get in the car to Nebraska!" Threatening and frightening kids seem like two tactics that would totally work.

10) You get to realize just how horrible you were. This probably means that you thank your parents for not killing you when you markered all over the walls or tried to trade your baby sister for a jump rope.

I'm just saying...babies are fantastic. Why, I think I'd like to have me one of them someday.


Amy said...

This post was great. Did you come see the picture of Alyce today? If not go check it out. I love being a Mom. It is the best job ever.

Slackey said...

The my baby is having a stroke post is seriously one of my favorite things I've ever seen.

The first time I looked at it, I literally laughed until I cried. In fact, I often look at it when I'm having a shitty day because it makes me smile.

Is that weird? :)

Johnny B. Truant said...

Okay, I had to figure out where a bunch of my traffic came from. So do I qualify as a respectable daddy blogger or do I swear too much?

BTW, my son had the stroke look for a while as well, but his came from attempting to smile. And really failing.

Johnny B. Truant said...

Oh, and if you liked the baby-stroke post, you should absolutely be sure to watch this modified "Waaasaaap" video I made:

turleybenson said...

OK, I know all the cute baby references were about my baby, but I won't tell the others.

Heidi said...

#9 made me laugh so hard I think I woke the kids up. And I have five of them, and I think they're too young yet to know where Nebraska is... but your post will keep me chuckling tomorrow when they are awake and our circus is in full swing. Thank you for the laugh! :)