The Mother of All Catch Ups

I just went a week and a half without posting...the longest it's ever been for me.

So I'll try to catch you up...just bear with me.

1. The "Perilous Puddin' Pig Out"
In case you didn't read the updates via Twitter on my sidebar, the puddin' challenge went without a hiccup...but not without bodily injury. Both contestants finished in under 17 minutes...but one had an adverse reaction where it made him poop out 5 pounds of waste within 45 minutes of eating said pudding. I was off work last week on vacation and neither contestant is here today so I can't exactly tell you with certainty that both are fine.

There were barf buckets, eating utensil options, a weigh in before and after the contest (both gained 5 pounds each), trophies, and even a crown.

It was completely hysterical and unbelievably gross.

2. My younger sister came into town two weekends ago and we had a fantastic time. We actually went to a restaurant that we used to love when we were kids. While you're eating Mexican "food" they have plays and people who climb and dive off cliffs. As a kid, I remember it being so very awesome - magical event!

As an adult, I had a good time -- that is until I had to run to the bathroom. The "food" did not agree with me as much as anyone would've liked, including myself.

3. I spent last week in El Paso and had a fantastic time while eating my weight in my mom's fantastic chile con queso. To say that this dish was divine would be like saying that Paris Hilton is slightly nasty. In other words, it's a huge understatement.

My boyfriend, Joe, came down to spend most of the week with me and I am absolutely surprised that after spending 5 days with each other, we didn't want to club each other over the head or light each other on fire. In fact, even after a 10 hour car ride back to Denver, we opted to spend that night and next morning together rather than taking a break from each other.

Here's where I'm hoping that if you've read this far, you might have a stomach of steel. I mean, you just read about poop in the first two bullet points and are still reading...so you'll probably be okay with me sharing this:

I love my boyfriend. I really do.

Spending that amount of time with him was really great, drama free, and felt SO good. On Thanksgiving, we passed the five month mark of dating and I found myself thinking about how thankful that I have someone who is so wonderful and fantastic to date. I love spending time with him and I'm excited to just enjoy this part of the relationship. I am so thankful that I figured out my horrible reaction to Nuvaring in time to salvage the wonderful things about our relationship.

4. I got to spend time with two high school friends of mine...and it was so great to see them both. One has two beautiful little girls and while we were at lunch, I found myself being very aware of how badly I hope to be a mom someday. It's a somewhat new revelation for me to have and one that I hope comes to fruition.

So there you have it - the mother of all catch ups.

And I'll leave you with a promise. I'll never go that long without updating again. :)

Overheard at work this morning...

Person A: Ha ha ha...I figured it out! This should just show you that you need to shut up FOREVER. And you should also know that I am sosoooooo smart. I bet you thought I wasn't going to get it and that I was dumb. Well, I'm not. I'm smart. I AM SMART!

Person B: I beg to differ.

In other news, the Perlious Puddin' Pig Out is still on for tomorrow at lunch. I'm actually going to be off work next week due to a trip down to my mom's for Thanksgiving. I can't think of a better way that I'd like to start my vacation than with the viewing of two grown men make themselves sick on pudding.

It's going to be great.

Ninety eight

So, Chassis, my awesome 175 pound Great Dane is sick. Again.

She actually had a mass on her spine that the vet took a sample of. The good news? It's not cancerous. The bad news? It needed to be removed.

So today, she had the entire mass removed and she needs antibiotics to make sure that she doesn't get an infection. Compared to the month and a half of antibiotics she was on in the late summer, I'm thrilled that she only needs to be on the meds for a week.

Seems reasonable, right?

It is.

Until you realize that for a HUGE dog like mine, they need a lot of medication. In fact, the meds are usually so expensive, that I've given up getting them refilled at the vets office. Instead, I call around to my local grocery stores because they can usually fill the perscription in a generic form for about half the price. When she was on antibiotics for a month and a half a little while ago, it saved hundreds of dollars by doing it that way.

I knew I was in trouble though, when I called the local pharmacist and gave her the dosage requirements that I needed and she did a double take.

To give you some perspective, the pharmacist (who isn't shocked by people pulling up their sleeves and asking "does this look infected to you?") was shocked at the dosage.

In the end, this means that she will get 7 (SEVEN!) pills twice a day. And for all you math types out there, that means 98 pills.

98 pills of medication for ONE WEEK.

(sigh)

In other news, if you know someone who needs plasma, I'd totally be willing to sell them mine.

Like Donkey Kong...

That's right.

November 20, 2009: A day of infamy (and stupidity).

The Perilous Puddin' Pig Out is scheduled for this Friday at lunch.

And in case you need a refresher, the rules can be read here.

I'm sorry that it's come to this...

A little while ago, I read a blog where a person was complaining about spammers commenting on her blog. I remembered that I wished that I had that problem... I didn't even rank high enough to have spammers comment!

Well, the last few days, I've actually gotten what I wished for.

Several spammers are commenting about stuff that I couldn't care less about - sometimes even in a different language!

Although I don't want to put my comments on moderation and I *hate* captcha almost more than I hate olives, I'm going to have to do it. Unless one of you guys have hints on how to dissuade spammers in another way...do you?

And just in case*, I'm going to go ahead and wish for a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to me. Daisies are my preference.


*When I was in fourth grade (and had a crush on a certain someone), I was in the same class as a kid by the name of David Case. I don't remember much about him, other than he was TINY and had the curliest hair. Really it was the most beautiful hair...big blonde curls that any angel would've loved to have had. Anyway, David was good friends with a boy named Justin (whose last name I don't remember). One day, we were supposed to be doing our work and David said aloud that it was a good think that Justin wasn't born into his family or his name would've been Justin Case. And now I can't even THINK the words "Just In Case" without thinking of him.

So, to David, I say: Thanks a lot, jerkface.

To my co-workers: WTF?

Today, I couldn't help but pause in shock at what I saw what was on our lunchroom counter.

Really, co-workers...really?

You can't open the sugar canister like the one on the left?

You have to either rip off the plastic top (like the center picture) or just rip into it like a sugar monster you must be (as on the right)?

Really? You need sugar THAT BADLY that you have to pry open the BOTTOM of the friggin' sugar container? Even when one container is already open?

REALLY?

I mean, it's not like we work in an emergency room...or something else that might justify the three second savings of having a faster pour of sugar. Because unless I'm mistaken, all we do is sell VALVES. Valves that our customers are waiting over a year to get. We can afford to take our time with the sugar AND the creamer.

The pack mentality

A few months ago, I saw a catchy little commercial about a new form of birth control.

It was this nifty little ring - the NUVARING! And even though nothing was wrong with my birth control (at all!), I found myself fascinated by the commerical with the jingle that sticks in your head more firmly than the tune of "Tom's Diner."

You know the commercial...the one where all those synchronized swimmers are singing, "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, EVERY day..."

All of the sudden, I realized that my daily birth control was THE MAN. It was keeping me down. How could I ever think about having to take one tiny little pill EVERY DAY? The burden of having to remember it every night started to weigh on me. Who cares if I have to take other medication at night? Who cares that I've never missed a pill? Clearly HAVING to remember it was impacting my life and clearly, being on the pill was JUST LIKE being in prison.

My point is this: people that take boring, stupid birth control pills are boring and stupid. And they're not popular. And they don't get drinks served to them at the pool side while wearing sexy bikinis. And they wear bright red lipstick which is somehow lame.

The only solution for any sane, non-swimming cap person was to "break free from the pack" and enjoy all of the freedom that came with Nuvaring!

Nuvaring!

I could see myself living my life as a free person. Why, with the Nuvaring inside me, anything was possible! I'd probably win the lottery. I'm sure I'd have more green lights on the way to work, where I'd undoubtedly get a raise. I'd never burn another dinner and I'd always remember my grandma's birthday. In fact, I'd probably have less dropped calls on my cellular phone...all thanks to Nuvaring.

Three cheers for Nuvaring!

The first month it was awesome...unless you count the times that I was consumed with worry that it would fall out at any moment, that I hadn't placed it in just right, or that it would be stuck in there FOREVER.

The second month is when I started having problems. One day I felt down. As a normally "up" person, it was a little odd, but I figured I'd bounce back in no time. Only I didn't.

And then? I went a little a whole lotta crazy. I wanted my space and then quite quickly I wanted nothing of the sort. I wanted to talk stuff out with friends until I started to panic and then I would've set myself on fire if it meant getting away from them.

I was angry - like really angry and cranky. The only thing that would stop the cranky and anger would be the unexplained tears. I complained at work more than I normally did and snapped at people when I normally would've laughed off their jokes.

Clearly, I had turned into a teenager.

The entire time, I kept thinking that this wasn't like me. Where was my zen desire to be healthier in mind, body, and spirit? What was wrong with me?

So, like any crazy person, I decided to not call anyone and not do anything with anyone. Because when you're crazy, you think you're doing a good job of hiding the crazy... especially if you stop all communication with everyone else.

The only person that I couldn't quite dodge successfully was the boyfriend.

I'm sure that I drove my boyfriend bonkers because I was one of the neediest, bitchiest, and most confusing person in the world. And just so you know, I've worked hard to try to eliminate the drama in my life - and during the last week on Nuvaring(!), it was like I was putting on my own one-person play. In fact, the word "drama" doesn't even cover it. Now, it's true, sometimes he was being a bit of a turd and probably deserved some amount of communication about it, but he definitely didn't deserve the crap I was shoveling out.

And hoo boy, was I shoveling out some crazy shit.

The misery of the situation is that I didn't put two and two together until the end of month two... and I only put it together because I had had a similar (albeit much more minor) reaction several years ago when I was on a generic birth control. So if you're interested in specifics, you should know that I lived in Crazy Town (the medical term is "emotional lability") for two to three weeks.

And here I am, after 6 days off of the ring (and on my good ol' LoEstrin), feeling significantly saner. Without going into gory detail, I'll just say that my body is oh-so happy to have that particular type of hormone out of me.

Oh, and you know what was the biggest bummer of all? EACH AND EVERY NIGHT I still had to remind myself that I didn't need to take my birth control pill any more. Like I would be falling asleep and I would wake up nervous that I had forgotten it. GAH!

(sigh)

I am writing this post for two reasons:

1) To publicly thank my boyfriend (who will quite possibly never read this) for believing me (or at least pretending to) when I said that the crazy behavior WAS NOT ME. I'm not sure if the craziness damaged our relationship permanently...but I'm okay with whatever outcome happens, mostly because I feel more like me. And the me that I am can handle anything that will come, even the demise of something that could've been great.

b) To let the women out there know that hormones can be dangerous things to mess with. While it's true that some women may never experience the same symptoms, it's good to know that it CAN happen. I just feel horrible thinking that there could be a woman out there experiencing the same hell that I went through and not even knowing that her birth control (Nuvaring or any other one) could be to blame. Although to be fair to Nuvaring(!), I know of two people personally who loved it and never had any of the same issues I did. The same hormone can affect women differently (obviously).

In a society where everyone wants the next coolest thing, it's easy to want to be on different medication that seems cooler...but like that saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

So if you need me, I'll be in the pool practicing my boring and stupid synchronized swimming - cap and all.

Are all leaky, lonely, and driftin', just like me...

Way back when (which, as I understand it, is just a weird way of saying a while ago), I used to showcase music I love on Fridays.

So today, I decided to continue that theme...from months ago. Because you know, I love a good trend.

Anyway, today's song is "Leaky Little Boat" by Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers.

I was introduced to this band by my older sister, Rachel and this was the first song she played for me. While I'm not the biggest fan of the band (because my sister would probably take that title) I really do like them. AND I'm seeing them tonight when they're in Denver.

And OH MY GOSH. The drummer for the opening act? He's the one that I went on a date back in January and wrote about HERE. So yeah. I don't think that there's much risk that that guy will see me, but eesh.

Anyway, without further ado, here is "Leaky Little Boat."

Leaky Little Boat - Roger Clyn...

I awake from a long, deep sleep
In a leaky little boat on a wide blue sea
I spy no island, rock or shore
And the sea, she's a-comin' to me through a hole in the floor

And the tide come in and the tide go out
And the waves they come an' knock my little boat about
And the sky turn black and the sky turn blue
I got no pail, no sail, no anchor, too
Just a leaky little boat

And as I wake I look around
I have no notion where I'm bound
So many different colored boats I see
Are all leaky, lonely, and driftin'
Just like me

And the tide come in and the tide go out
And the waves they come an' knock my little boat about
And the sky turn black and the sky turn blue
I got no pail, no sail, no anchor, too
Just a leaky little boat

I spy no island, rock, or shore
I spy no island, rock, or shore
I spy no island, rock, or shore
And the sea keeps a-comin' to me through a hole in the floor
In my leaky little boat

In my leaky little boat

Alone, adrift together are we
Slowly sinkin' in a deep blue sea
But we smile and we wave
And we say, "I'm afraid...and I love you...and here we go..."

And the tide come in and the tide go out
And the waves they come an' toss my little boat about
And the sky turn black and the sky turn blue
I got no pail, no sail, no anchor, too
Just a leaky little boat

Just a leaky little boat

Spreading the luck

Alright, it wasn't easy to choose two random numbers out of the comments below, but I managed to do it!

Numbers 5 and 7 are the winning numbers, but since my favorite number is 3, I have to pick that one too.

SO, if you are Kristi, Lisa R, and Rebecca Jo, email me your address to happyfunpants [at] gmail [dot] com and I will get your nifty, extra super, nothing could be sexier or luckier prize.

The end. :)

Gettin' lucky...

In general, I am unlucky.

Like, you know those silly church raffles where you pay $1 and hope to win a basketful of Michael Bolton cassette tapes or a maybe even a monogrammed Bible cover? Well, despite entering about eleventy hundred church raffles, I never won...no matter how times (or how genuinely) I sang "He's Got The Whole World (In His Hands)." For those that know the song I'm talking about, you should take note that I EVEN DID THE HAND MOTIONS TO THAT SONG. And what did I get for my troubles? NADA. You'd think that I would've at least won a pencil with "Jesus Loves You" on it. But NO!

Or how about when the emcee of a conference encourages you to look under your chair for a colored piece of paper taped to the bottom... clearly indicating that you've won something cool like the "Back to The Future" Trilogy? Yeah. Despite my best attempts, I've never sat in that chair.

I've never won anything on a lottery ticket and I never get a parking space close to the front of the store. I always pick the security line at the airport with the most anal retentive TSA agent. I've never gotten two of anything at a vending machine due to malfunction of the coil.

What I'm trying to say is that, in general, I'm unlucky.

But I have been given a fantastic opportunity - one that I'm so excited to tell you about.

I was selected to be the first blogger featured at Tales from the Blog. Tales from the Blog is a site that has a lot of useful information (so you may want to sign up for the RSS feed).

A super cool thing about that site is that they have decided to feature a blogger a week...and it's not even one of the big named bloggers. In fact, this week it is me! :)

Not only that, but I was made into a HOT 3D animated character!

See?

In fact, it's probably best that you go there RIGHT NOW to listen to the interview. It's only 8 minutes long and besides, if you watch it, you will be entered into a random raffle where you could win...um...a prize. Yes. A prize.

What's the prize that you might win?

Um...well, I can't tell you (because then it wouldn't be so cool), but um...it's good. Really, really good. And all of your friends will want one. Also, if you get it, your hair will grow longer and stronger. And you'll have more money. And a bigger penis and/or boobs. Maybe both.

And I'm not kidding about the prize. Leave a comment that you visited the site and I'll pick a random winner and totally send a prize to you.

So, um...you should totally check it out.

And since I know you all so well, I'll just answer the questions that you're bound to have:

1) Yes, I really do look like that in real life. I sent pictures of myself to the producer/host and the measurements of my body that she came up with are EXACTLY CORRECT. No need to go back and view past pictures that I put on this blog because that is exactly what my body looks like. Exactly.
2) I had a cold when the interview was recorded. I do not sound like a man...typically. And the cold medicine helped me ramble more than I do...typically.
3) Yes. Apparently, I did get lei'd before the interview. Woo hoo! And that may or may not have been how I scored said interview. A good magician artist never gives away her secrets!
4) That *is* exactly what my living room looks like. The fresh cut fruit is a b!tch to keep up with, but it's a pretty table decoration and besides, my smokin' hot guests like it.
5) Yes. You heard me correctly. "I can't be a part of peaches." A dorkier answer during an interview may never have been given before. That is exactly the kind of quality statement that I bring to interviews. It's a wonder I haven't done more of these.
6) I am eating a grilled cheese sandwich right now.
7) All of the above statements are true, as far as you know.

So basically, I'm thrilled that I was selected to be a part of this project. They're going to feature other bloggers weekly and I can't wait to see/hear who the other bloggers are.

Being a featured blogger on an uber cool web site? It's yet another thing to scratch off my "Bucket List."

It's the most wonderful time of the year....

If you could see me now, you'd know exactly how rested I look. Actually, if you could see me now, you'd probably encourage me to get new pajamas, but that's beside the point.

Because today is the first day I've taken advantage of Daylight Savings Time.

I wish that there were more words in the English language that described how fantastic I feel in these first few days after the turn of the clock. Today I got up ON TIME (versus hitting my snooze button for way too long). Today I jumped out of bed and felt awesome.

And for me, it's always like this.

From now until spring, I am in my zone. I'm habitually on time (or EARLY!) to work during this segment of the year. I feel better and I feel more energized.

I was meant to live in this time zone. I was meant to wake up for work when it's light out.

And for the record, I feel that it's unfair of the residents of Arizona to be able to live with this luxury all year long without sharing. I mean, what is Arizona's time zone called? AST? Well, it can also be Anne Standard Time, thankyouverymuch.

That's why I'm refusing to change my clocks in the spring.

You've been warned.