Tastes like burning...*

FYI: Soft Lips lip balm burns on my lips EVERY TIME.

And it's not even like my lips are soft when the burning subsides (some sort of lip balm acid peel?) .

However, it does seem to be a good appetite suppressant...because when your lips feel like they're on fire I don't feel like eating anything.

So there's that.


*"Tastes like burning" is my favorite Ralph quote from The Simpsons. :)

Great start to a Tuesday

This morning I got in my car and decided that rather than talking to people on my way to work, I could really use the time to groove to some tunes.

Setting my iPod to random, here's what came up:
--"Cherish" by Madonna
-- "A Little Respect" by Erasure
--"99 Luftballoons" by that German girl
--"Starry Eyed Surprise" by um...the Diet Coke commerical

Anyway, it was fantastic and was the great start that I needed today.

Songs I'm loving these days?
--"Let Me Go" by Cake
--"Fake it" by Seether
--"Jenny Says" by Cowboy Mouth

I've got a lot on my mind these days...that's when music seems to help the most.

I no longer respect life

In Colorado, you have several license plate choices. You can choose the typical one or you can choose many "specialty" plates. Which include (and I'm not making this up) an Italian American Heritage Plates and "Support the Horse" plates. At this point, I'd like to ask Colorado WTF? It's just bizzarre.

There was even a big expose' on how the "Committed to a Cure" plates (with a pink ribbon for breast cancer) was frustrating people because the extra money for the plates don't go towards any cancer research at all. People felt duped. It's called a "Breast Cancer Awareness" plate and I guess their point is that by you having those plates, you're helping people be more aware that breast cancer exists. And, as a side rant, I think that their frustration is just silly. There was, apparently, never a claim that the money went towards that anyway. Besides, it's not like anyone thinks that getting the ones that say "Bronco Country" are going to donate money to getting us running backs that might actually make it through the whole next season.

Anyway, when I got my own plates in Colorado, I chose to get ones that said "Respect Life" in the middle of the plates. They were pretty, they had Columbine flowers on them, and I was going through a REALLY girly phase at the time. See, I had just gotten out of a job where I was the only female in the whole nation in that job. Getting these plates was a way to give a big (albeit stylishly well manicured) middle finger to all the crappy guys that I worked with and for.

Really, if they would've had ones that had a penis with an arrow through it and played Aretha Franklin's "Respect," I would've picked those instead. But since they didn't have that option, I chose the pretty plates. As for the phrase, well..I was fairly certain that it wasn't some anti-abortion message. But I wasn't sure if I was giving advice to people or proclaiming that I respected life. Hell, it could've been referring to Life cereal or even that cool boardgame...I had no idea.

Someone told me, years later, that they thought that it was about the tragedy that happened when two kids walked into Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado and shot a bunch of teenagers. But then I felt like an ass. Because I bought the stupid plates without knowing what I was supporting. And besides, I didn't live in Colorado at the time of the shooting. I didn't know anyone who got shot and I didn't have to deal with the aftermath of that horrible day in my own community. I felt like a poser...and all of the sudden, I knew what Milli AND Vanilli felt like.

So my plates came up for renewal recently and instead of renewing my "old" plates, I got the normal Colorado ones. My car looks cooler with those ones anyway.

On a side note, I would TOTALLY change these plates in if they had ones with John Denver's face on it. The tagline could be "Bowl Cuts Rule" or "Support a John." You know, something classy.

Ten REALLY good reasons to have babies...

1) They're so cute. I oooh and ahhh over friends babies often. I'm lucky enough to have friends that blog and take pictures of their babies. Because I don't want to show any favorites, just know that you guys make some cute babies. :) I've never seen such long eyelashes or cute facial expressions as I have recently. Your baby is delightful.

2) Most importantly, I'd get to write posts like this. You know, ones where you're kind of making fun of the baby, but the baby won't know. That post is hilarious and I've found myself reading it over and over because I'm laughing so hard. See, I think that people take their babies too seriously sometimes. And posts like this help me know that it's okay to mock people who don't know that you're mocking them. Wait. That can't be right.

3) They smell like...well technically they smell like what society and Proctor & Gamble have told us babies should smell like. But they smell delightful...when clean. Or at least not poopy.

4) There is nothing like the feel of a baby. And before you call CPS, just know that I'm talking about the complete love and trust that they lay on you as they fall asleep. It's absolutely miraculous and easily one of the best feelings ever. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a friend's house and got to hold this baby almost all night long. Through feedings, naps, and general jumping time. The naps though? Those were the best.

5) You get to teach them all sorts of things. Like, my friend Mikey's wife taught his daughter that Daddy's name was "doorknob." And that Halloween is so that the adults can get candy. You may think this is mean, but I think it's HILARIOUS. And harmless....at least for now. :) I mean, if I could get over the fact that Santa doesn't exist, then people can get over that Halloween might actually be so that the kids can eat candy too.

6) You get to pick their names. Unless you're on some sort of messed up reality show. And while I don't agree with naming your kid Sarah McCain Palin against your wife's wishes, it's still your right. Like, I'm trying to convince Lance to name his kid Gertrude Susan. Because Gertie Sue is a FUNNY name. Unless that's your name. In which case, it's so magnificent that I wanted to duplicate it. Lance's last name sort of sounds like Gertie so it's even funnier with his last name. For the record, my children will have the most beautiful names ever: like Unice, Dwightel, or Dieter.

7) You can get out of obligations. Seriously. Someone invites you to a party and you don't want to go? Blame it on the baby. "We would go...but you know...the baby needs his/her tummy time!"

8) You get to re-introduce your favorite books and movies to them and see the wonderment in their eyes. I think that'd be awesome.

9) If you get bored with them, you can drop them off. At least in Nebraska. They have a safe haven law where you can drop off your kids. I'm not sure if it's a "no questions asked" sort of deal or not, but hey - it's an out. Alright, I wouldn't actually drop off my kids - I mean, that's kind of horrible. All I'm saying is that if spanking is frowned upon, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling the kids "Keep this up, and we'll get in the car to Nebraska!" Threatening and frightening kids seem like two tactics that would totally work.

10) You get to realize just how horrible you were. This probably means that you thank your parents for not killing you when you markered all over the walls or tried to trade your baby sister for a jump rope.

I'm just saying...babies are fantastic. Why, I think I'd like to have me one of them someday.

Once you go black...

I am in love!

With blackberries. :)

Seriously. I would eat them in a box, I would eat them with a fox...I would...well...you get the gist.

Today I had them with vanilla yogurt. And all I'm saying is that it was the best thing ever in the whole world of all times. Or at least excellent because it's been months since I've had honeycrisp apples and YEARS since I've had Ted Drewes. :)


Alright, so I know this post is a little light on content. But I figured that you probably needed a post to recover from the sex post from last week. You know, the old addage, no swimming for 30 minutes after a meal and no posting heavy topics right after sex.

Don't read this post if you don't want to know about my sex life

Mom, that means you.*

My sex talk with my mom went like this "When you're an adult and you really, really, really love someone, YOU GET MARRIED. THEN..." And after that came a bunch of medical terminology for various body parts. Combine that with a relatively strict religious upbringing and you get one of the many issues I have.

The first two guys I slept with, we totally lied to everyone about having sex. Because everyone knows that only heathens have sex and it is forbidden by God to have sex before marriage. Also, did you know that it makes Baby Jesus cry? Well, if you weren't so busy having sex, you'd probably have known that by now.

So all I'm saying is that I've had some shame about sex...and my sisters and I have discussed this and it seems like this is not a unique perspective.

I write all this to say that I'm reluctant to write about sexual things on my blog. Because while I hope that you know that I'm kidding about being a raging alcoholic (please, I rarely rage), you might be a reader that feels pressed to tell me about all the things that make premarital sex wrong. And I'm letting you know that I get it. It's a sin. So is having envious thoughts of your neighbors things. So is having hate in your heart for your parents (or even step parents). So is killing people that were deliberately slow in traffic and when you try to pass them, they speed up so you can't pass them, which means that they TOTALLY DESERVED IT.

Having been in relationships where I wasn't getting any, I'm much happier when I am. I feel loved. I feel important. I feel special. I feel beautiful, sexy, and fantastic. And I love giving the same emotions to the person that I'm with.

I've downplayed the whole G thing for various reasons. But since it's kind of time to be true to myself, I can tell you that I have a lot of strong feelings for him. I wrote a little while ago that he gets that it's the little things that matter and he does a ton of little things for me daily. He calls me the endearments that I've "awww'd" over. He texts me throughout the day to let me know that he's thinking of me. He calls me every night to wish me a good night. He likes my dog. He supports me during times when I'm unsure of myself. He builds me up. He is a fantastic father. He's a patient man. He doesn't think I'm needy. He doesn't care that I can be clingy. He lets me pick the music. He pushes me to think of things in a different way. He's a really smart guy that I can have conversations about things on mulitple levels. He pushes back when I'm being stubborn and calls me out on the things that I need to be called out on. And he teases. He teases me about a billion and a half things - and I'm learning not to be so sensitive because I know that behind the teasing is a lot of caring. I care about him quite a bit. Much more than I let on.

And if you think that I'd muck this up just to date a guy that likes to take pictures of his back, you'd be crazy. We haven't dated anyone since we reconnected (because again, we've been friends for years) and haven't wanted to. Neither one of us planned on ever dating each other. But it's happened. And it's great.

So yeah, we're having sex.

And all I can say about that is that it is about frickin' time. Spending the night with someone who has all of the above attributes, well it makes for a lovely time. And waking up next to him?It's even better.

I'm not so over the moon that I don't think that this time could pass. And that what could happen is that we would have many many fights and many many tears and end up hating each other for forever. Yes, that could happen. But for now, I'm not in that phase. I'm enjoying THIS time... for however long it lasts. It's scary, but it's also wonderful...

So by Bible standards, I'm an old maid and a Jezebel. But I'm okay with that. :)



*Who am I kidding? My mom doesn't read this blog. Her computer has issues with going to my site...and really? Who can blame her computer? A lot of people have issues with my site. :)

The better to see you with, my pretty!

My eyes are f*cked up.

LOOOOOONG story short, I was in a bad car accident 5 1/2 years ago and my brain swelled. The swelling of the brain made my vision all funky and even though the swelling has gone down to normal, I have issues with "convergence" of my eyes, issues that mean that I have to wear prisms in my glasses or else I get headaches. To be clear, it's not like when you look at me, I look like Rodney Dangerfield or anything...it's just that my eye muscles have to work really hard to constantly move my eyeballs inward. FRACTIONS inward. Again, I'm not wall eyed. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

Anyway, I've been noticing since Monday night that my vision was all janked up in my left eye and I got kind of freaked out because it seemed like it came on pretty suddenly. So I made an appointment with an opthamologist to check out my peepers. I had never seen the opthamologist before, but apparently Tuesday was the day for any and all old people to come see him. Seriously. It even SMELLED like old people. AND I didn't get offered even one piece of Werther's Original candy. Hmmmph.

So Dr. Roe checked me out and dilated my eyes...only to determine that he had no idea what was causing my soreness, the worse vision, and the burning...all only in my left eye. So he said that I could get a new perscription (with more magnitude for my left eye and more prism for both eyes) or I could just wait and see. He literally said, "Do I think that it's something horrible that you're not really showing signs of yet? Well, possibly. But it's either you being hyper sensitive to the changes (i.e. you just noticed that your eyesight is worse in your left eye), or you have MS, or you have a brain tumor. But you should know something more in a week. Call me if the pain gets worse."

Fabulous.

So, what's an Irish girl to do after that news? Go downtown for St. Pat's and celebrate with friends. :)

The only problem is that apparently my left eye never un-dilated. Here I am with my friend Julie and you can see how big my pupils are...

Only I didn't know that it never went down...until the next morning when I put on my eyeliner. I looked in the mirror and was all "That can't be right." Larry even noticed that my left eye was messed up when I came into work.

The good news is that my pupil has gone down since then.

The bad news is that I still don't know why.

In the meantime, here's another St. Pat's picture - one where I don't look quite so sweaty. :)

The results posting

Know how American Idol has a performance show and then a results show where they shatter someone's dreams and then ask them to sing the exact song that got them kicked off (while they're undoubtedly emotional and likely to butcher the song even more)? Well this post is like that...except that I'm not as drunk as Paula is. It's a results post.

I had a conversation with new guy last night (please, let's just call him G). We talked about the online dating thing and the whole staying active on match.com thing. By the time we had the conversation, I had worked myself up into a frazzled worry.

So I started off the conversation with a lot of disclaimers ("I didn't know we would start dating when I signed up for match.com," etc.) ...and then I explained the match.com guarantee with so much detail that I was boring myself. I explained about how I knew neither one of us could say with certainty that we would be dating in 5 months...and that I wasn't pushing him to make a commitment or anything...but that I wanted to keep my options open. Not for now, but for later. And then I re-explained the match.com guarantee thing. Then I told him my plan of only emailing five people per month to decline people's intentions (winks or emails). And then I apologized for being selfish because I didn't want to waste the idea of six months. I went ahead and explained the details of the match.com guarantee thing again for good measure.

He waited until I had run out of steam (I really can talk quickly when I'm worried or fired up about something) and asked, "Are you done?"

When I said yes, he said "I think that the plan that you have is absolutely fine."

So I exhaled the air that I had apparently been holding and felt good.

There's only one other person that I'd even remotely consider dating right now, other than G. And that's the guy that has been in my head and heart for a long time. G knows about him and, for now, is patient with my quest to get over him. Besides, he has some feelings that he's still trying to work through with his ex...which makes us being friends first absolutely fantastic. Some days are better than others...but I'm actively trying. And I guess I feel like that's at least a good start.

Back that thang up...

I know, you thought that I was done with the posts about online dating sites, right?

WRONG.

See, the new guy and I are having a great time...but I also know that he is not ready to make any sort of promises to me that this will be a relationship for the next year. Since he's relatively recently divorced, I think it would be particularly hard for him to make that promise. And the deal with my match.com subscription is that if I stay "active" for six months and don't find anyone, then I can get six months free. So if I don't remain active, I lose the possibility of six months of free dating. He and I will have a discussion about this tonight, but I'm fairly certain that we will come to a solution that allows me to be active while still maintaining ours. Now, before you think that I'm a complete freak, just know that to remain active, all I have to do are these three things:
1) have a profile picture
2) keep my profile visible
3) email five unique users once a month

Honestly, my plan is this...I don't really FEEL like dating. So I figure that I'll just write back anyone who winks or emails me.

Like, I got an email from a guy who thought that this picture was a great one to portray what he's really about:
Um...yeah.

I don't even know what to say about that one...unless he's just trying to show potential dates that he does not have a horrible back hair issue.

So, a simple email from me saying something like "Thanks for your email, but unfortunately, I'm not interested. I just started dating someone and would like to see where it goes" constitutes as an email to a unique user. And boy is he unique. :)

Before this posts scares anyone off, just know that he is definitely the exception to the rule. Most of the guys on match seem like pretty decent people.

At least from what I can tell from their backs.

The difference between cookies and people

Today we were getting ready to wrap up a meeting and one of my co-workers asked if we were done.

Then, very politely, she was told that "Cookies are done. People are finished."

Alright, so it was a little condescending, but for some reason, I can't stop thinking of that little saying. I love grammar rules - mostly because I don't know many of them. For instance, I can never remember if it's whomever or whoever (although Denver Kelly once tried to set me straight on that one). I can never remember if it's "Rachel and me" or "Me and Rachel" or "Rachel and I." The book, "Marley and Me" has helped slightly with that...but I swear that sometimes it's correct to say I, right?

Anyway, I usually don't say that I'm "done" with something, but this little saying will probably help me remember to be more on my toes.

What are your grammatical pet peeves? What about any cute sayings that will help us keep things straight?

Wonderful Weekend

My good friend Jon came to visit me this weekend. We had a great time...doing...well...nothing really.

We did go to Ted's for some great bison burgers...
Besides Jon having great taste in friends, he is hilarious.

We spent much of the weekend lounging in fun pants, talking, laughing, and drinking beer.

It was a wonderful weekend.
In my defense, the picture from the link was taken in September of 2007...and I'm going to say that it was just a bad angle and not that I was ever that big...

Happy Friday! :)

Today I opted to take a personal vacation day...stuff at work has been piling up in (at times) the most unbearable way. So I opted to try to take care of myself and take a day to get the crap done that needed to get done.

I decided that I would treat myself to a Chick-Fil-A biscuit sandwich this morning. It's safe to say that that is possibly my favorite food when done right. The chicken is all crispy, and the biscuit is all biscuit-y. It's a delightful combination that makes me feel that all is right with the world. *

Anyway, I drove up to the drive-thru with my hair in a sloppy ponytail, a shirt that says "Redheads do it better"**, and my fun pants.***

Only to find out the best thing ever....

THIS MORNING THEY WERE GIVING AWAY FREE CHICK-FIL-A BISCUITS.

(sigh)

I love today.

*I know...I'm working on trying not to equate food with peaceful/comforting feelings...but I can't help it with the Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuits.
**My mom HATES it when I wear this shirt. It's a 3X and on me as big as a nightshirt so I wear it to bed...and I think that brings up a delightful picture for her. :)
***Yes - they are real things. Today's pair is solid green with "Kiss Me I'm Irish" across the butt. CLASSY.

Honestly, it's because I'm neurotic

So, my blogging friend, Patty, gave me this award that is apparently called "The Honest Scrap" Award. Apparently you're supposed to write 10 honest and slightly random things about yourself and then tag other people to encourage them to do the same.

Here goes:

1. I love the IDEA of this award, but the name is silly. Honest Scrap? I think it should be called the "Honest Crap Award" or maybe even "The reason you're going to look at me funny the next time you see me Award" mainly because it's supposed to have random crap about you - apparently brutally honest things. And I have this weird desire to shock you somehow. Wow. I just wasted #1. Sorry, Patty.

2. I am not really a redhead. People, I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you...but I just couldn't figure out the right way. I am naturally a blonde. Sometimes it turns a reddish/golden blonde in the summertime, but basically I'm a blonde. I feel so guilty when someone compliments my hair because I totally want to scream out that it's not real...as if I shouldn't be taking credit for something that is fake. I'm getting better at not belting that out to complete strangers, but I feel uncomfortable with people complimenting it. And OH MY GOSH I get asked if it's natural several times a month. It's probably the question that I get most often...well, other than "No seriously...WHAT is wrong with you?" For the record, I don't know a redhead that DOESN'T get asked that question and I'm just shocked. I mean, if you want to ask, just assume that it is fake. That goes for anything: boobs, noses, hair, babies, limbs, whatever. If you're in doubt, it's probably not authentic.

3. I owe Jennifer a post about purses. And um...here is a picture of my current purse. I love it. It's purple (which I typically don't like) and is made of crinkle leather...but doesn't it totally look like the hips of a pair of low-slung bell bottoms? Yeah, I thought so too. I bought it at Wilson's Leather as they were going out of business. I love it because it's not black or tan...and that means that I don't have to change it to match anything. I love lazy. Also, it goes remarkably well with my MINI. Yeah, baby, yeah! I know, this probably shouldn't count as an honest thing from me...other than I HONESTLY feel horrible when someone tags me and I don't do it. Because I'm neurotic.

4. I decided on Saturday at my appointment with my hairdresser that I needed to have more pronounced bangs. And I hate them. So I'm currently trying to sweep them to the side so it doesn't look quite so bad. I tried to take a picture, but my hair looked SO stupid in all of them except for this one which is, somehow, fitting.It looks SUPER stupid and I guess I feel like I look like a kindergartner. The good news is that they will grow out...but I feel oh, so stupid. Kind of like those people that shave their dogs or cats in the summer, but leave them with leg hair so that it looks like they're wearing leg warmers. You KNOW that they're walking around feeling all stupid like. And because I clearly didn't say it enough in this paragraph: STUPID.

5. Poodles kind of creep me out. And I get that mixing them with other dogs makes their owners less likely to break out in hives, allergies, or even acne but I'm SO tired of hearing about the -oodle ending to any given name. Labradoodle, Goldendoodle, Googledoodle. I don't like it. First, they sound like cookies. Who wants to pet a cookie? Unless that's code for something, you can count me out. Second, it's like Brangelina or Bennifer. DUDE. No one does that anymore. So stop doing it to dogs. Also, those dogs totally look like muppets. No really. LOOK AT THEM. Closely. They're all shaggy and have deep black eyes that make you want to hug them. They're cute...but it's almost like seeing Kermit in real life. You think that you'd like it, but when it comes down to it, it'll creep you out.

6. I have not bought a box of Girl Scout Cookies this year. This is a big accomplishment. "Bob" even posted a GS cookie sign up sheet for his niece...who is like 4 and is quite possibly the cutest little Asian girl I've ever seen. He typed up a little note saying that this was her first year in Brownies and that she really wanted to get a patch. He attached a picture of her in her Brownie uniform and then he made her sign the note with "Lily." Which makes sense that that is her name because it is so freakin' adorable. And her writing of her name was all innocent and childlike and I just wanted to buy all of the boxes of cookies. But I didn't. Because buying the cookies would mean that I would eat them. ALL OF THEM. So I didn't buy them. Actually, I think THAT should be an award that people could post on their blogs. Something like "I Survived Girl Scout Cookie Season And Didn't Gain 25 Pounds." Catchy.

7. I am currently dating someone on a regular basis. So I didn't know how to tell you guys and it's not a big deal...really. But he's a pretty nice guy who makes time for me and treats me better than a lot of other guys that I have dated in he past. He gets that it's the little things that mean a ton to me. He and I have known each other for years. I don't know where it's going or even if I really want it to go anywhere. Here's what I do know: it's not exclusive but neither am I really looking to date anyone else, he's not dating anyone else and in no way indicates a desire to do so, he gets more about me than some other people I've been with, I'm having a great time, and he seems to have a knack for frustrating me faster than others I've been with. So I might kill him or I might keep him. It's SO not a big deal. I'm not in love...just "in like" for now. But it's nice to be involved with someone and know that I can blog openly about it if I want to. Okay. I guess it's a big enough deal because I'm writing about it.

8. I hate the feeling of cotton. Not like cotton shirts (because it usually has some sort of additive that makes it not feel icky)...but those super soft, plush, and fuzzy blankets? I can hardly touch them without getting the eebie jeebies. And don't even get me started on the sound that cotton makes while pulling it apart. That's the sound that I imagine is in Paris Hilton's head ALL DAY LONG. Noise that hurts my earholes and makes me want to comment about how "hot" things are.

9. I don't like yellow gold. At all. Ever.

10. Last year, there was a mouse in my place. To be honest, there were three. And after seeing them, I didn't sleep very well for a week - I slept with the lights on and walked everywhere stomping loudly hoping that my stomping would some how frighten them in the way that the giant from "Jack and the Beanstalk" frightened Jack. I felt incredibly silly... aware that I was acting like the step-mom from "The Parent Trap" when she cracks sticks together to scare away any potential mountain lions. I also put down about 20 traps. In a 750 square foot townhome. I'm not even kidding...there was one trap every 3 feet or so. Oh, and I bought those electrical things that you plug into your outlets to keep the bugs and mice away. I totally spent over $100 on traps and electrical transmitters. BECAUSE I'M NEUROTIC. One day the mice were gone and I haven't seen them since. But I still have those frequency transmitters in almost every socket because I'm afraid to take them out for fear that the mice will come back. And seriously it sounds like I'm living right underneath many power lines...constant buzzing. And I'm so not kidding. It's probably giving me some form of ear cancer, but I DON'T CARE.

Since rules are rules and you're supposed to tag someone, I officially tag: YOU. :) Seroiusly, other than Jennifer, I don't know who would do this. If you want to write about this kind of stuff, I promise, I'm interested and I'll read it. I just don't want anyone else to feel like they HAVE to do it because I tagged them. BECAUSE I'M NEUROTIC.

Cleaning house...

Yesterday something fantastic happened. I finally got rid of my extra mattress and boxspring... ones that had been cluttering my dining area for almost 5 months.

I know, you're thinking 5 MONTHS TO GET RID OF A QUEEN SET??? First, I wasn't sure that the new bed would work out...and I wanted to wait until after my 60 day trial period was done. Then Christmas happened...and then I really wanted to get a lot more for it than what apparently used beds have a market value for. I finally succumbed to the reality that things I've slept on are not worth much. Sadly, I probably didn't need Craigslist to tell me that. Anyway a nice couple came by to pick up the bed and now I am slightly less in debt.

It's amazing how much better my place looks! :) I've said it before, but my place is about 750 square feet...and moving FROM a place that was 1511 has taken a lot of getting used to. I'm still trying to figure out where I should put stuff and what I should get rid of. And yes, it has been over a year since I moved in.

The removal spurned my cleaning and re-organizing of several things in my place...stuff that I've been meaning to go through for the past year. I moved around furniture, made spaces more efficient, and went through my pantry so that I'd throw out all the crap that has either expired or I know that I won't eat.

The result? My place looks better than it has before. Which I'd like to report actually says something...but it looked so bad before that that statement just means "it looks less like the cluttered closet it is."

The last bit of cleaning that I did was a difficult choice. I un-friended my ex on Facebook. See...HE added me. And I've always been that person that hates for someone to be angry or frustrated with them so I accepted his virtual friendship and went on my merry way. Until he posted a status update that was funny. I commented on it and his current girlfriend JUMPED on that comment and couldn't really let it go. And I was all "Dude. I don't get paid enough for this." So I sent him a message asking how he wanted me to handle it...and didn't get a response. I'd like to say that that is not like him...but the reality is, it is so very like him.

I realized how unhealthy it is to want to be friends with ex-boyfriends. I'm friends with one, Rex (aka the guy who now probably wishes we weren't friends because I made a funny about Jesus). He had cancer when I was dating him...and I think that the stuff that we went through together sort of bonded us. The difference is that Rex ALSO treats me in a friendly way. We touch base every couple of months and I would definitely say that our relationship is like how we were when we dated - mutual and two-sided. Versus mine with Jon, where it was so very one sided.

I realized that I'm ready to let go of the ex. The reality is, he treated me badly even before he cheated. The reality is that he's not even a good friend. The reality is that his issues overwhelm many people around him - and that's an undertow that I've grown weary of struggling with. The reality is that when I clicked the button to remove him, I knew it was the right choice. I knew it was the healthy choice.

And just like with the removal of my mattress set, I'm a little surprised at how good cleaning house can feel.