Seroiusly, I can't stop

My friend, Rex, has just joined Facebook. And he is lovely. Really. But he's changed a tad since I knew him and dated him. For instance, he used to think that my sarcasm was oh-so delightful. Now, I'm not so sure.

Anyway, when I knew him, he worked for a Christian hospital in Oklahoma. Rex just moved to a small town in Kentucky where he is likely trying to be friendly and business-ish with people there. That is, until he added me as a friend on Facebook.

Tonight I read that Rex added the Facebook app to his iPhone.

My first comment:
I am so jealous of your Facebook app on your iPhone. I know, it's bad to be jealous of other people, but I bet when God came up with that rule, he wasn't talking about apps on iPhones. I mean, come on! You know those disciples would be all about texting each other these days and you KNOW they'd want an iPhone to do it on. Something like "OMG... Did you see J-Dawg totally turn that water into hooch?" and then they'd add an LOL because people do that even when they don't laugh out loud. I bet even God shakes his head at how many people use LOL when they're not actually laughing out loud.

So then I thought to myself that perhaps Rex and his conservative friends might not appreciate my humor.

So I added a follow-up comment:
Know what else? They probably would text OMG though...but only AFTER they recognized that he was God. They would not, however, probably be very into the UrbanSpoon app. And also? I'm sorry if what I'm writing is not acceptable.

And I hit "post."

I know if I did that on any of your "walls" you'd likely be slightly humored. But somehow I don't think this is going to end well...especially because he has a lot of old ladies that are on his Facebook account from his old job. His old job at a CHRISTIAN hospital. Seriously. There is an old lady named GWEN. And the old ladies have big hair. I didn't see a lady named Eunice, but I bet she's on there too...right next to Bea Arthur. I'm trying to tell myself that they don't even know what "the kids" are playing with these days so they can't possibly be frustrated with me. They don't know what LOL or OMG means. At least I hope not.

And I can't delete my comments. So now I'm stuck. It's kind of too late to call him but I feel like I should warn him and tell him to erase my comments because I swear, if some little blue-haired lady dies of horror at what I wrote and ends up going to heaven just to try to not let me in, I will be so bummed when I die!

I don't know how to fix it. Just in case, I think I'm just going to practice pretending that I don't know why he would de-friend me.