American Idol reviewed

Alright people, here is my review of the Neil songs on 'American Idol.'

Even if you didn't see it, hopefully you'll still find it funny.

Now to be fair, each candidate sang WAY better than what I could - especially given that they were doing it on national TV and in front of a live audience. AND Neil Diamond is uber cheesy...thus his extreme appeal. I don't know how these candidates could've rocked it. He's so unique that I think this would be a really hard task.

But that's why I'm not on 'American Idol' - well that and I'm too old, not trendy, and don't sing well enough. But mostly it's because I'd be afraid I'd have to make a Neil song my own.

Now on with the review!

Dread boy (whatever, I'm sure he has a name, but I don't know it): he wussed down "Forever in Blue Jeans." Hello! MONEY TALKS...but it don't dance and sing, and it don't walk!! Now, to be fair, perhaps his dreads weighed down his excitement level. They do look heavy. Your second song was better. If you went to college with me and sang that in a talent show, I would've wanted to kiss you.

Rocker guy with asymmetrical hair cut: I don't even know which songs he was singing. Hey man, sing the crap I know! Obviously, he thinks I was tuning in to see him versus hearing the songs I know. Hello! Boy was he wrong. But he did sound the best out of the contestants. He sounded pretty good - and he committed to singing it. Plus, he had "AC" on his guitar...which I can only assume was his way of saying that he appreciates me personally. Thanks Rocker Guy.

Little blondie fantastic: wow...is she cute or what? I want look just like her when I grow up... I especially want to have hair like her. But after her first number, I was thinking that maybe maybe modeling is her thing. But her second song was WAY better... her voice sounds kind of like Carly Simon. She does get lots of points for being the only one to wear sparkly pants.

Young small boy: Okay, you can sing. AND you are cheesy. But Neil is MORE than just good singing and cheesy. I can't believe you had the balls to sing 'Sweet Caroline' and 'America.' No really, you're so young, that I'm surprised they've dropped. I'll be honest, you kinda' sounded like Dan Fogelberg on the cheese factor versus COOL cheesy of Neil. But the good news is that you're what, 7 and a half years old? You have a long life in front of you. I'm sure I'll hear your songs while in elevators and dentists offices for decades to come.

Saucy black girl: you sort of sounded like Dione Warwick during 'Hello Again' but it was nice. You've got a great voice. Perhaps you pulled it off because you weren't trying to sound like Neil. But it was good...really! But how come you didn't wear shoes during either performance? And also? Your hair is so cute all afro style! As your newest friend, I think that I should help you know that you should always wear it that way.

Look, I know one person who reads this is going to think that I was mean. But really, I'm not trying to be catty - just funny.