Put a fork in me...

UGH!

So I went to work today determined to make things work.

Unfortunately, my plan did not work.

I found out that another one of my large orders (over $100K) was fouled up at the factory level and I couldn't do a thing about it. I actually was griped at by people at the factory - as if it was my fault that the customer was mad. They're mad because we SWORE to them that we would have the valves shipped out on or before the 15th. In case you haven't checked the calendar lately, it's now the 17th. And surprise, surprise! The customer isn't thrilled that they won't ship out until next week.

Then we had a meeting where we were told that our bonus structure was changing, our base salary was changing, and oh-by the way, we're not likely to get anything over a 2.5% raise each year. Oh and also? You're not going to move up in the company any time soon. Now go out there and get some more orders!

I got back to my desk and found that Mr. 1953 had emailed almost everyone at the factory, myself, my boss, my boss' boss, my boss' boss' boss, and also the outside sales rep's boss. He completely threw me under the bus indicating that I was not doing anything to help him, that I wasn't returning his phone calls, and asked if I was going to get back to him "anytime before [he] retires in 4 years." Cool. Nevermind that I sent the information that he wanted yesterday morning. Oh, and when I talked to him yesterday and mentioned the information that he wanted, he didn't mention that he didn't receive the email. The thing that sucks is that I can't even defend myself at this point because he's still the freakin' customer. So I went into my boss' office and started to calmly tell him that what he was about to read in an email was completely false. I was so mad that I started crying AGAIN! He made some sort of comment (which I now do not recall the specific words) about how I was being a girl. He's the guy that doesn't stand up for anything or anyone. I mean, why make waves when you can just placate people? So he proceeded to call the Regional Product Manager and asked him to handle this situation for me, since it appeared to be too much. Fantastic. Right on the heels of me realizing that someone else in our office will be promoted much quicker than me and that any promotions or raises we'll have are completely subjective. It's not that I couldn't handle it (I know, all evidence to the contrary) but it's that I was so mad! I have been staying late and have ended up slowing my response time to other significant customers because I have been so concerned about his situation. And to have him blatantly lie about what I have been doing was so unbelievably sucky!

I ended up sending an email to everyone that was cc'd on Mr. 1953's email to me and explained that I had just talked to him and that I confirmed that he had received the quote via phone. I then literally typed, "I did not discuss the gross inaccuracies from his email because I realize it will not help resolve his problems with the valves."

I then checked my personal email only to see that I got another reject letter from CAT. So I started crying AGAIN. My boss walked by and literally said, "Oh my gosh. Are you STILL crying?"

Um...yeah. This liquid pouring out of my eyes? It means I'm still crying. And in case you don't know anything about women, bringing their attention to the fact that they're being emotional doesn't exactly help them feel less emotional. But thanks.

So I got in the car, called a couple of people and then sat in the Sonic parking lot and bawled my swollen eyes out to the one friend who actually knows about the company that I work for and the stress that I've been under. He helped - as he always has - and I felt better.

I feel like one of those stupid carnival games - the one with the dunking booth? Usually my button/trigger/lever thingie is small - and the people throwing softballs at me have to stand way back. Sometimes they hit the button which would trigger hurting my feelings. It doesn't happen often. But these days I feel like my button is HUGE and the people throwing balls at me get to stand right in front of it. It's almost guaranteed that I'll over-react and become a crying wreck. And no. I'm not pregnant. And just in case anyone's thinking it, "I like big buttons and I cannot lie..." See, I beat you to making fun of my stupid button analogy.

The day did get better. I saw an email from my outside sales rep's boss that said something along the line of "that you didn't discuss the gross inaccuracies demonstrates your professionalism. Keep up the good work." It made me feel SO much better.

And despite me not having a drop of makeup on my skin (after crying it off) no one ran away screaming at my appearance either. At this point, I'm taking that as a good thing.