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One year ago today I started working as an engineer for Tyco. One year ago today I barely knew what the heck valves and actuators were...and today I realized just how far I've come.
How did I celebrate the day? With clowns? With balloons?
Umm...no.
I cried. AT WORK.
What am I? Five years old?
I talked with one of our customers who was absolutely SO mean, degrading, and hateful that I got mad. He literally was yelling at me. I then called one of the people at the factory and she started yelling at me. And seriously folks, I had nothing to do with the problem - I was just helping. But because my outside sales rep is on vacation, I'm the one that had to do double duty...and therefore the one that got yelled at multiple times. The customer literally kept cutting me off and finally asked if he could speak to a MAN at our facility who might know more than me. Ummm... Are you kidding me? Is this 1953? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!!?!? Hey guess what buddy? If you'd shut your freakin' mouth for 10 seconds and let me talk, you might find out that I do know what I'm talking about. The thing is, I am actually the right person for him to talk to about this. I don't know tons about the product, but as far as people in our office, I do know more than the others about this particular valve. It was just so degrading, insulting, and frustrating. It was like the creamy crap layer in my shit cake day.
And the only way that the stress came out was by crying. I was that mad. I would've gone outside to walk some of it off, but I forgot my coat and at that time the temperature outside was in the 40s. Thank goodness no one noticed me crying at my desk, but oh my gosh! The day continued to get worse...really. One call after another - I literally sent almost 100 emails and had so many phone calls I didn't get a tenth done of what I should have. I ended up driving home more than 12 hours after I left for work this morning...IN A SNOWSTORM (seriously, yesterday it was 82...today on the way home it was 32 and snowing).
UGH!
I do like my job. Really...but today I was wondering what the Sam Hill I'm doing.
I also stuck my big fat foot in my mouth by inviting my ex (yes, Jon - the one from last year) to my birthday bash in a couple of weeks. I felt horrible. He knew about it ahead of time and I invited him...but only by stumbling through the invite regarding who he might or might not be dating. I'm okay if he comes (we still share many joint friends) but I just don't want to see someone hanging all over him. It'd be weird. Seriously, I'm sure that I made enough of a fool out of myself that he won't come (and honestly, that's the way I'd prefer it) but it was such an awkward situation that I caved and invited him. And really? He is SO consumed by what others think about him that he's likely to not attend because my friends will be there...and yikes, that's several sets of cold shoulders. What can I say? I've got loyal friends. :) But I swear I SO do not want to see him and anyone he's dating playing kissy face all night (no, he's not dating the one that he cheated on me with, but STILL!). Like I've said before, I'd love for him to be happy...I just want to be happy first. :)
I know that my frustration and stress has a lot to do with the fact that I've been feeling so off kilter lately. I've got some friends that are going through some serious stuff and I'm worrying about them. In fact, I was on the phone with a good friend of mine last night until midnight - and I can't stop worrying about that. I hate to see people that I love and care about hurting. If I could do anything to take away the pain, frustration, and sadness I would. But I can't. I can't help at all. :( The good news is that I found out that another friend's lump in her breast is not cancerous...what a relief! Anyway, instead of going to sleep, I read until 3 am.
I'm sure that contributed to why I was so emotional today.
But honestly, I'm just tired and stressed and...well...UGH!
It's 8:30 and although there are things that I clearly need to do tonight, I think I'm just going to read a bit more and go to bed.
Tomorrow has got to be better, right?
To be honest, there was a good thing that happened today. I'll post on it later for two reasons...one, it's a bit soon to blog about it and two, I'm just so damn tired.
4 weeks ago
5 comments:
Oh. my. gosh. I HATE the crying phenomenon! Though it sounds like this is something that maybe hasn't happened to you in a while. Take comfort in the fact that SOME people (not naming names) have this problem on a more regular basis than they care to admit.
Sounds like a suckfest of a day. Sorry.
Eww. Sounds like not a fun day. Definitely not a way to celebrate your anniversery! Sounds like the only way that could've been worse was if you did have clowns show up...and start yelling at you :)
Just remember, as you step back and breath, for *every time* you think about and worry for your friends, I am certain they're thinking of you just as much. And you have A LOT of friends! Think of ALL those hugs! :)
This guy from 1953? He's so... yesterday! Do you think he has a barefoot and pregnant wife at home in front of the stove? Eesh.
Maybe a joke would help. See, two cowboys are talking and one of them says, "I'd like to get me a dachshund...."
Here's hoping the home stretch to your B-Day is brighter, warmer, and full of ...mirth? Yes. Mirth, glee, hilarity, merriment, jollity, joviality, gaiety...good stuff!
As with the guy who asked if they were double D's, I don't see the problem. He's right, men ARE smarter than women. It's science. Look it up in one of them fancy books you're always talkin' 'bout readin'.
You ARE helping friends just by listening and being there. Don't forget that.
Also, don't forget that I am the better Jon! Uggh...that guy sullies the name of "Jon" for all us Jon's. Want me to beat him up?
JON...the first!
Man. You guys are such great people - thanks for your support. I certainly needed that today.
Marissa - you rock. :) Thanks for commiserating with me - it was such a great thing to read before I went to work this morning. Really - it helped to boost my confidence before I was faced with an equally crappy day.
BJ: Thanks for your comments. You, my lovely friend, are great. Crying all over myself today while talking to you during my lunch was very therapeutic. Thanks for worrying about me almost as much as I worry about you. (Who's right? Me or you? ME!) And besides..."I've always wanted to get a long little doggy."
Marc: You're funny. Really. Thanks for making me laugh and helping me realize how silly he actually is. And I shall promptly kick you in the shins the next time I see you for your stupid science comment. :)
Jon: Please! As if there could be a better Jon. You are the first and last (the alpha and the omega if you will) of Jon's. :) You're WAY better...in fact, you mean so much to me, I want to break a napkin ring. :)
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