Please send bail money

So this morning, I received a call at work. The man on the other end of the phone is Bill. Bill is a customer of ours and I have talked several times during the last two and a half years. Bill and I have swapped emails on work related stuff...where in my signature it indicates that I'm an engineer.

I AM AN ENGINEER.

So Bill works for a company that is now handled by a different engineer in our office. He's the same guy that gets bitten by vampire wannabes, doesn't know what platonic means, and has the Jackass Award on his desk more often than anyone else in our office. He's a nice guy and all, but...

Anyway, Bill calls up and apparently doesn't realize who he's talking to. He says, "So, you're [the guy I mentioned above]'s secretary, right?"

So I say, "Well, that'd be news to me."

He says, "Oh, well then are you just helping him out?"

I say, "He's on vacation until Monday. What can I do for you, Bill?"

And then I helped him even though I kind of wanted to beat him with a chicken pounder thingie (I happen to have one in my purse).* Not because there is anything wrong with being a secretary. Some of the most powerful and apt people I know are admin assistants. It's that he ASSUMED that I was a secretary. It's that kind of pig-headed crap that frustrates me. And to be my inept co-worker's secretary? UGH. It's like pouring lemon juice over a papercut.**

Besides, does anyone even CALL them secretaries any more?

I thought that it was kind of funny and a little obnoxious. I wrote an email to Joe telling him about it. I made a joke about me possibly needing to be bailed out of jail for an ALLEGED homicide.

A few hours later, Joe calls and says things like "Well, once you're done with the filing..." and "Could you be a dear and get me a cup of coffee?" and stuff like that. To be clear, he's doing it not because he believes it, but because he thinks he's funny.

I kept telling him that he is NOT funny.

But then he thinks of a new line, says it, and follows up with this giggle...this wonderfully silly laugh that I can't help but smile at. So then I giggle. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

(sigh)

So, to catch you up, I may or may not need a cake with a file baked in it. And my time in prison may or may not be due to me maiming Bill and/or Joe.



* That's because Kris read this post and gave me one. Isn't that sweet??
**A papercut that I would NOT have gotten from filing thankyouverymuch.