Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My friend, the phoenix

So I've got a friend. And for you silly people in my life, pretend that I just smirked and rolled my eyes if you were thinking of retorting "Just one friend?"

Anyway, this friend has done the best job she could by being the best mom she could. I can't pretend that I know what it's like being a parent. It seems like a tough job - lots of judgement from others, lots of angst from your kids, and lots of advice from people who have no business giving you advice. Oh, and it never ends. Anyway, I'm not saying that she's the perfect mom, because there IS no perfect mom.

My friend is gifted - she writes beautifully (to my recollection, she always has) and has a lovely interest in taking pictures. And I mean of EVERYTHING. It's no surprise then, that she would clearly document the good and the troubled times in her life.

She described a feeling several times SO well in her blog that it almost took my breath away it hurt so badly. I felt horrible that she felt that way - and was also slightly scared/awed that she had somehow crawled in MY mind and was able to read the very dark thoughts that are sometimes there. She wrote about it so completely that it reminded me a side of myself I hate (and yes, I mean hate). The side that I try to keep hidden for fear that if someone actually saw that side of me they would run away screaming. I give her kudos (or mad props for you kids out there) for having the courage to bare her soul on her blog.

Unfortunately, she is also going through a tough time where she's had to hide her blog and has stopped posting almost completely for fear that someone would use those words against her. Her hiding those thoughts didn't happen quickly enough. And the the pictures and words have been used against her in her custody battle of her kids.

The thing is...I'm mad.

I'm not terribly mad at him. I can understand that he wants them as much as she wants them. Hell, when I look at their Easter pictures or pictures of them sleeping, I want them. :) I guess I'm mad at the situation. I'm mad that he's using her talent at describing something that I hope we all feel at one time or another to hurt her. And that makes me so very sad.

Can you imagine if the words that you said to your husband/wife late at night - the whispers of insecurities that SHOULD be safe in a marriage were used against you later to take away the people that matter to you? Those things should be sacred. Those things should be safe.

I know that people hurt in different ways. And I do know that he is fighting for what he feels is right - it's the way that he's doing it that is hurtful.

I'm mad. I'm mad because I can't do a thing to help the situation. I feel helpless that I have to watch my friend grow and find the strength that she's had all along to fight this. Perhaps that's best...that she realize what strength she has by herself. The picture that keeps coming to mind is of a pheonix.

I hope she doesn't mind that I posted about this. Those that read my blog and know her already know all of this. Those that don't know her have either stopped reading by now or are hoping that I'll make some poop joke/reference to lighten the mood of this blog.

It's just been in my mind and on my heart since I read her email this morning.

If you would, friends, say a prayer or hold a good thought that this tough time passes quickly? That her kids are taken care of in the best way and placed in the best situation? The judge has yet to render his verdict and I do believe in the power of prayer and positive thought. I literally hope and pray that he makes the right decision both for the long term and the short term - whatever that may be.

Oh, and POOP.


Jen said...

I feel the same way Anne, My heart has been heavy today as well. My prayer is for the judge to rule in what's best for those girls and what's best is for them to have both the MOM and their DAD!

turleybenson said...

Oh, that's awful. Just awful. I'll send my little positive thoughts her way, though I don't know her. sad face.

Ginger said...

Hi Anne,
Thanks for posting this. I agree completely with you and didn't know how to say it, especially seeing as words are being stolen so rampantly to be used against her in this specific case. At least in this space, the words are safe.

Neither of the people are bad and naither of them are perfect. This is just sad.. for all involved.

monica said...

I read this blog right before leaving work ... and it disturbed me so much that I had to wait to comment. I remember thinking as I read your friend's blog originally ... this is one VERY BRAVE GIRL ... for opening up so completely about such personal feelings. Like you, I do not reveal that side for fear of how it will be perceived by others (and I too believe that most of us have experienced "demons" in our lives). Your friend has my thoughts with her during this terrible difficult time. I hope support and thoughts from random-ish people do indeed carry weight in the cosmic scheme of things. Please let her know (as many times as you can) that she isn't alone, even if its thoughts from strangers. I was very touched by her situation and wish her peace, strength, resolution, and happiness.