Rhymes with schmooce

Two weeks ago, I went to a popular blogger's (website rhymes with schmooce) book signing here in Denver.

It was so weird.

I'll be honest...I think I might have been worshipping her for a bit too long. First, she is one of the first bloggers I ever read that I did not personally know. Secondly, she is SO very successful. And she and I have similar writing styles (or so I tell myself on the days when I'm funny). She was the first person that when I read her, I thought, "If she can do it, I can do it!"

So I got to our local bookstore and sat down in the middle of about 200 people. I decided to pick up her book off the stack and start reading bits to see if I actually wanted to purchase it and have her sign it.

No matter which page I flipped to, I couldn't find anything that didn't relate to mommies, nipples, boobs, changing diapers, depression, or babies. I then started listening to the conversations around me - which turned out to be ALL about how Heather changed their lives when they had their babies. Her book helped them know that having a baby is not always what it's cracked up to be.

Add to that the sounds of babies gurgling, cooing, screeching, and crying and it occurred to me I was in the wrong place.

Heather came out and although I couldn't see over the sea of heads, she looked cute and glowing - even in her 7th month of pregnancy. And I even got to see her hubby, Jon who is just as adorable in real life...just in case you were wondering.

But then she read from her book. A chapter all about how she and her husband had to wait 7 months for sex after having a baby and about how she had to stretch out parts of her prior to doing so. Here I was among a bunch of women who were laughing at that and all I wanted to do was cross my legs even harder and promise to take a celibacy vow.

And that's when it hit me. Part of the promise and power of BlogHer and women bloggers is that we get to stand up for what we want. We get to write candidly about what we want to - and we get to be honest with ourselves.

So I left.

I left. Not because Heather isn't funny. If you've read her blog, know that she is usually hilarious. I left not because her blog isn't still one of the few that I cannot wait to read. But because that book signing was for the mommies out there. That meeting was to promote her book which was about how much being a mom might suck - at least at first. And that's something I'm not going to be experiencing any time soon. And it's something that I didn't want to listen to.

It was liberating to walk out. I did it in a way that wasn't rude. And it was after I had been sitting there for about 45 minutes after she came out. I waited until the Q&A session when moms were asking about toughening up nipples. But I guess I was so proud that I DIDN'T feel like I had to stay. I didn't feel like I owed her something and I didn't feel bad about standing up for me and my needs. My dog needed to be let out and I was HUNGRY...so hungry that I might've eaten a baby.

Dislcaimer: I'm confident that if I ever actually have a baby, I will want to pick up the book. I am also VERY well aware that Heather has paved the way for all bloggers out there - most especially women. And I would love to see her speak on any topic other than motherhood, just as I would love to see Edward Norton do anything other than kiss another woman.