Sunday, April 19, 2009

Stupid magnet

Sometimes, I love going places with my dog. She is HUGE and we get a lot of attention no matter where we go. The thing is, I need to learn when I probably SHOULDN'T take her places. Those times are when I'm cranky.

Her nails are black and because she's a Great Dane, they are really thick (think: talons). That means that they're hard to clip without hitting the quick (which is the inner part of the nail. If you hit that, they bleed all over the place). AND she needed to have her anal glands expressed. That's such a nice way to say that she has butt juice that needs to be squeezed out of her. There are a lot of things that I'll do to save money...but possibly getting sprayed with butt juice is NOT on that list.

So today, even though I knew I was cranky, I didn't have the luxury of not seeing people. Because yesterday was still snowy and icky from our blizzard on Friday, I had to take her to the vet/Petsmart today. I'll leave the specifics out of it, but let's just say that when a dog her size has anal glands that need to be expressed, it's best that you go ahead and take care of it ASAP.

We got out of the car and headed back directly to their vet area. In my experience, the vets know how to cut nails shorter and without hitting the quick than any other groomer I've been to. We're standing there behind two other people/pets that are trying to get checked in... and that's when I remember that my dog? Yeah, she's a stupid person/comment magnet.

Conversation with random lady #1:
Her: Wow. That's like a horse!
Me: Actually, it's more like a dog.
Her: Well, he's huge!
Me: Uh huh. (Inside, I want to YELL that it's a female dog - hence the pink leash and collar...but because I can already tell that she's getting on my nerves, I decided to take the easy way out).
Her: So, where do you keep it?
Me: Keep what?
Her: Your dog...where do you keep it?
Me: In the house.
Her: Oh. What do you feed it?
Me: Food.
Her: Whoa. Can you ride it?
Me: No.
Her: Have you tried?
Me: No. She's a dog.
Her: I bet it'd be fun. So seriously, does she eat like animals?
Me: What?
Her: Like rats and mice?
Me: No - I think you're thinking of snakes.
Her: Ohmigod, she eats snakes??
Me: No. She eats dog food. Like kibble. Just like any other dog.
Her: Oh.
At this point she got the hint and decided to keep shopping for whateverthehell she came there for.
Conversation with random lady #2:
Her: Wow. That is a huge greyhound!
Me: Umm....
Her: I mean, is it mixed with something?
Me: No - she's a purebred Great Dane
Her: Oh - are you sure? Because she's a grey-ish color and I didn't think they come in that color.
Me: She's actually classified as "blue." This is the official color of blue on Great Danes.
Her: No...I think that she's got to be mixed with something. I mean, look at her back end. It slopes - just like a Greyhound.
Me: No. She's actually got the profile of a dane. She's tall though.
Her: I think that she may have some Greyhound in her. You might want to check.
Me: Yeah, okay then.
Conversation with random guy #1 (as we're leaving the store):
Him: WHOA! What *is* that thing?
Me: A dog.
Him: How did it get that big?
Me: Food.

Seriously, I know that it seems like I'm being an ass, but this does not count all of the people that come up and want to see her, pet her, or ask a zillion questions about her. Most of the time, I'm okay with it - I even budget it in my time that I'm planning on being at whatever place I'm going. I get it, she's big. And most of the people that come up to talk are so nice and sweet. I appreciate it when they ask if they can pet her and I'll answer as many questions as they have. But I just wanted to get in and get out of the store today. I didn't want to answer any more questions.

I'm thinking about getting a shirt that just says:
150 pounds
Yes, they come in this color
6 cups a day
In her dog bed...not in my bed
4 years old
No, I don't own a saddle

Because those are the answers to the question I get most often.

Wow. I AM cranky today.

Sorry - happier posts will hopefully resume tomorrow.


Rebecca Jo said...

That's funny... in a sad way...

Know what I'd ask...

Can I hug him????

I LOVE big dogs!!!! Great Danes amaze me!! I just want to hug big dogs!!!

happyfunpants said...

Rebecca Jo, you could TOTALLY hug her. :)

Jon Hey said...

Chassis is very huggable. She also likes to get in your face...and kinda just stare at you. She's fun. :)

McG said...

My name is Brian Fellows... And that's a big dog!!!!!

Patailey said...

I never get any attention at petsmart.