Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Just bring a gas mask when you visit me

I have a big dog. I have a small place.

One of my greatest fears (aside from being chased by the Honey Nut Cheerio Bee) is that my house smells like dog. You know what I'm talking about...when you walk in and you're all "OMG, just how many dogs do you have and why don't you bathe them?"

Unfortunately, because of my fear, it means that I'm reluctant to have people over to my house. I do brush and bathe her regularly, but I'm concerned that it doesn't really help. When my friends have come over and I've drilled them about the smell, they've relented and said that, yes, it does smell like a dog lives there, but it's not bad.

Here's the problem: I'm not sure if they're telling the truth. Because really? It'd be hard to say tell someone that their house smells like ass (specifically, a dog's ass). And when is having a house smell like dog NOT a bad thing? For the record, when I was in a bigger place, it wasn't ever an issue...my big dog in twice the space somehow dissapated the smell. My other place smelled like the candles and crap that I had around the house or, most often, whatever I managed to burn cook for dinner that evening.

I know what you're thinking, "Just buy Febreeze! It seems to work so well on the commercials that it should be no problem!" And you'd be wrong. I've bought more Febreeze than anyone should in their life time and basically it just ends up smelling like a big dog is wearing flowers.

So, a couple of weeks ago, when I was watching "Pitchmen," I opted to buy "What Odor?" - that spray that Billy Mays pitches. It was invented by a guy who had dogs. He had three small dogs in a house that looks to be about 400 times the size of my place, but hey, at least he knows what odor I'm trying to eliminate. In the show, Billy is spraying that stuff on every smelly surface, sticking his nose in it, and then proclaiming that the smell is gone! The name of the product indicates that the smell simply disappears.

It took a few weeks, but the spray finally got to my house.

While the smell of "dog" has left my house, it has a very strong pepperminty/spicy smell that is in it's place. The smell, while not as offensive as "dog," it isn't exactly pleasant either. So basically, I can't win. In fact, I think that it would be just as successful if I made my houseguest suck on a cough drop upon entering the door or perhaps rub Bengay all over them...as these are some of the few things that replace all other odors.

Am I worrying about something that makes no difference? Have you tried products that work?

3 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

I have four dogs so you can imagine that I'm fearful of that smell too...

I'm a HUGE Candle freak to get rid of smells - or if company is coming!!!

I'm constantly doing the Febreeze thing too - & the Febreeze AIR freshner now too....

Stalker v1.5 said...

Those that mind don't matter; those that matter don't mind.

monica said...

My 2 cents ... you might be getting just a hair (or so) twisted up about something that really isn't an issue. Last time I was at your house, I will HONESTLY say that I can smell Chassis slightly ... because she is a BIG baby. But it is not in the least offensive ... unless you plan to leave the ginormous poo out back to ferment in the sun ... that would be offensive!! LOL

So I have a couple questions for you ... when you visit (which, admittedly, is not frequently LOL) ... A- can you notice that I have a cat? and B- does it disgust you? Honesty is required here!!