Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I'm scared of yogurt

You might be thinking that it's the lactobacillus acidophilus, but you'd be wrong.

It's that when I go to open the individual packages of yogurt, my container always urps on me. You know... it like barfs a little. Plus it makes the sound of farting.

So basically, my yogurt is rude.

You'd think that with all of our technology advancements that we've made, there would've been a better way to package yogurt already - without all the farting and urping. OR that they'd come with instructions on how to NOT have that happen. But no. It's like prison, I tell you.

In fact, I think that this is a clear representation of how "the man" is trying to keep us down.

I would rebel, but to be honest, I enjoy my yogurt too much to take such a strong stance. So the only hope I have of not being urped on is to open it away from my body. This means that I either spray co-workers with yogurt splatter or (as is usually the case when I have a snack at my desk), I spray my screen with it.

And I don't have to tell you that white goop on a screen looks bad. Especially at work.


I still don't eat Yoplait though because their commercials still make me want to scream so I don't have to hear the annoying "banter."

5 comments:

kristi said...

I think yogurt should be banned on planes. You think yogurt urps a lot on Earth, but get a load of what happens 30,000 feet up! The pressure inside the yogurt is higher than the ambient pressure in the plane and that leads to seatmate's yogurt exploding all over my NEW JACKET! No, I'm not bitter.

kristi said...

Oh, and I like the Yoplait girl who you hate. HA HA.

monica said...

honestly ... some ... no let's be honest and make that MOST ... of these random oddball things totally crack me up!! I have got to stop ready your blog at work ... it makes it pretty obvious that you aren't working when you bust out laughing!! If I get fired I am coming to live with you ... just sayin

Anonymous said...

Denver is at 5,280 feet. Yogurt is packaged at somewhere much lower. PV=nRT (You're an engineer - I know you understand the ideal gas law). Ergo, yogurt goes "urp" in Denver.

Incidentally, it's also the same reason the neighbors call the police to report a "gunshot" every time I open a tube of Pillsbury muffins.

Anonymous said...

Poke a hole, open away from yourself. Next!