Seriously, Billy Mays has to stop aka Yes, I'm that dumb

So I watched a marathon of "Pitchmen," a reality show starring Billy Mays and his pal Anthony Edwards Sullivan this past weekend. To be fair, it was only 4 episodes.

My thought process was that it would be something "on" that I could watch that I could brainlessly ignore. I don't watch a ton of TV anymore, but having this on in the background meant that I could have Billy scream at me from the TV. It made me feel that things were right with the world again.

Anyway, these 4 hours of my life were the most expensive 4 hours I've ever spent watching TV. No matter what product they were pitching, I felt that I HAD to have it. The personal shark repellent? I NEED that. Especially in Colorado. MightyShine? Why, yes, I *do* have tarnished silver that I'd like to enjoy again and clearly they are not as shiny as they *could* be. A windshield wiper that works primarily in Florida and is not at all effective in snowy and icy conditions? For the love of all that is holy, CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH I NEED THAT?

Usually I reserve that sort of behavior for when I'm up late at night drunk and feeling like my life has no value.* However, the downside to being in this mindset is that I lack ambition. When I'm in that state, I typically feel that to go to get my phone, dial the number or to pick up my laptop and type the URL is just too much effort. Especially when that effort could be better spent licking the Cheetos residue off my fingers.

So you can understand, then, why in my weakened non-inebriated state, I HAD to buy these items.

I think there is a clear lesson here, kids. Drinking saves money. You should go home and do that right now.


*Yes, yes, I'm kidding. Of course I have value. It's approximated at $19.95 plus $9.95 shipping and handling.

P.S. There was an episode for the "DualSaw" that I swear I almost bought in hopes that the hot Frenchman came with the tool. Because OMG, I would've bought anything that that man sold. Especially if said item was the shirt off his back.