Thursday, June 18, 2009

What can I say? I'm a slow learner

Ever feel like you're on the cusp of something big? Some life changing event?

Well, that's how I feel. Truthfully, that's how I've felt for a few months and I'm hoping that that is an indication of my dating life being a LOT more exciting than it has been in recent months.

So I've opted to do speed dating. Yes. I know. I tried it last year and although it was a ton of fun, the guys I was interested in weren't interested in me... which is the STORY OF MY LIFE (I'm lookin' at you Josh Hernsberger*).

Anyway, in case you've never seen the movie "Hitch" I'll 'splain it to you:

You sign up online and meet at a bar. You order a drink to try to take the edge off and to be "more like yourself." All participants wear nametags with their first names and you sit in a room in a circle. The women sit in a chair and then men sit down for 3 or 6 minutes at a time. You talk. He talks. Then you rate the person. The night is over and you go home hoping that the guys you liked also liked you. Because you're nervous, you keep drinking. You wake up the next day with a horrbile hangover. You tune into the website and pick the people you want to see again. You avidly check the website throughout the weekend in the hopes that someone is interested in you. No one is. You keep hitting refresh. You still have no one interested in you. You call your cable company convinced that something is wrong with the site and/or server. You convince yourself that the guy must've gotten mugged on the way home from the event because how could he not have seen that there was chemistry between you two? You drink to forget the rejection you feel. You cry. You watch "Beaches" because at least it isn't a damn movie about dating. You cry some more. You call your best friend who lives in a different time zone, waking her up, insisting that she tell you that you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darnit SOMEONE will like you. You tell her that you love her and that you would raise her kid if she died of cancer. You start singing "Wind Beneath Your Wings" to her. You cringe when then man on the other line abruptly tells you to get a life and take singing lessons. You realize you dailed the wrong number.

Or at least that's how it went last year.

So yeah, tons o' fun! Wish me luck! Wait.

Why don't you give me an idea of some questions I can ask the guys as they come to my table?

Because if you don't, I'll be forced to ask questions like, "How do you feel about the movie, 'Beaches?'" and we don't want we?

*This is the second time I've mentioned about my 4th grade crush...and all I have to say is that at some time that poor guy is going to run his name through Google Search and is going read my posts and then high-five himself for dodging a crazy like me. Again. STORY OF MY LIFE.


turleybenson said...

First of all, hate to rub it in again, but yeah, Josh Hernsberger was alllll mine for 3 whole weeks in 6th grade.

Second. Honest to GRACIOUS you are the funniest person on earth.

Third, here's the lead in question:
So, how many kids do you want?

You're welcome.

Rebecca Jo said...

I think a good easy question is "Where is your favorite place to vacation?" - then you can tell alot about his answer... workaholic, family guy, beach guy, mountain man, relaxer, a go-getter

Or you can just ask a great first question like "Do you think I'm cute?" :)

Rachel said...

Here's one you get all the time, so reverse it on them: Do the drapes match the carpet?

happyfunpants said...

Rachel: your comment is absolutely hysterical. I will be laughing about that many times tonight - I'm sure. :)

Anonymous said...

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Helsinki said...

You are hilarious. And from my male point of view I would go with the favorite place to vacation or "If you could do anything in the world, what would be your dream job?"

Sally said...

How about, "Have you ever been featured on Dateline's To Catch A Predator?"

POD said...

This is a late comment though I have to point out that this one was funny enough to read out loud to my sister.

The word horrible has an 'i' missing just in case this post is chosen the best over all.