Friday, June 13, 2008


The lady who smells like cigarettes and sunflower seeds has a bad habit. She's a close talker. She's a close everything...but a REALLY close talker. Like, she'll come up to you and tell you something, but gets about 6 inches away from your face. It really gets gross when she's eating sunflower seeds at the same time and little sunflower seed spittles fly out of her mouth.

Because of her, I've gotten good at ducking spit. And therefore, my skills at dodging kisses from unwated suitors (I'm going to pretend that there will be some in my future) are getting better. Did I just wish unwanted suitors upon myself? Yes, apparently I did.

Anyway, I've gotten pretty good about slowly backing away as she's talking to me. It works best if I cross my legs as I'm standing and then slowly back one leg behind the other - almost as is I'm fidgeting and that's why I'm moving my legs. She'll move closer and I'll move further away - a little dance interrupted by coughing and sunflower particles experiencing their airborne freedom.

Today, during a facinating story of the last movie she saw on Lifetime TV (no, I'm not kidding), we moved the space of 2 full cubicles.

She didn't even realize that we had walked all that way together.


McG said...

This is why you should have your own sitcom.


or just do sketch/improv comedy.

happyfunpants said...

And that's why I pay you to be my friend.

Keep the compliments coming and the checks will continue to be sent. :)