Thursday, June 26, 2008

Thoughts of mine

People, I've got a lot of thoughts bouncing around my mind these day - so many, in fact, that I feel like I don't even know where to start blogging about them. Some are not important, and some are worrisome. UGH.

For instance, I'm finding that I don't want to be around people for some reason. I'm really not sure what that is about, but it's true! Like, if I have the option of hanging out with friends, volunteering, or even going on a date, I'm just not that into it.

I have a busy docket for the next couple of weeks - and maybe that's the issue.

Maybe I've gotten more introverted as I've grown up.

Maybe it's because I spend all day on the phone striving to give the best customer service to people who could care less.

Maybe it's because my thoughts seem to be revolving around an issue that there is no win-win that I have a hard time talking to people about for fear of judgement, advice I am not asking for, or worse, the realization that there will never be a win-win.

I'm not sure, but I just want my space these days.

And what I see that I'm doing is pushing away people that I do care about. Because the alternative to doing something with these people is watching re-runs of Top Chef or some crap like that. (Which, by the way, I LOVE BRAVO TV!)

Anyway, if you can help me figure out how to get over this, that'd be swell. I find myself these days replying "yes" for things and then as they're coming closer I'm all "that would cut into my happy fun pants wearing time." It's not the money's not the's not even usually the specific people. It's that they are people.

Am I crazy?

Tell me you've gone through this, you know someone who has, or you have some sort of suggestion...because I have no clue WTF to do about it all.


Ginger said...

This so happens to me. And I did actually become more introverted in my advanced age, realizing how important genuine, sincere relationships are (v. the superficial "hang out" acquaintance types).

Sometimes I just want to be by myself and be introspective too. My best guess is that we sometimes need our worlds to slow down a little - to catch our breath or remember to breathe, even.

I often fight Rich about going out; like you, I'll commit to going out, and then change my mind at the last second. Rich always tells me that I'll have fun once I get off of the couch, and he is usually right. But it sure does take a lot of convincing on his part. The couch, afterall, is vital to my well-bing, and we all that leaving it could mean instant death... And sometimes it doesn't work and I just lie there and feel guilty about not going.

So basically what we have here is me identifying with your wanting to be alone, and not working on any kind of solution. Sorry.

But I can say that if you ever want to talk or write about the issue that you don't want to talk about, you are always welcome to talk to me, especially since I'm a little bit removed.

Maybe you could try the Game Show Network. That is often a boost to get me out of the house, or at least darting across the room to grab the remote, which, btw, should never be across the room. Isn't that what they are for - to avoid room darting? So you DON'T have to get off of the couch? (sigh)

kristi said...

I don't think you are crazy at all. I have the same feelings too! I think part of it is that as I've gotten older, I've got less tolerance for some people's immaturity. I find it really difficult to hang out with people who I don't exactly "connect" with. Example. There are several girls I know who really go out of their way to include me in activities, which I do appreciate, but I find that when I go out with them I usually wish that I had stayed home. It makes me feel incredibly boring and sad! I wish I could find that one special person who you just like "being" with and you don't always have to come up with something to do. Someone who could be happy watching re-runs on TV together.

With that being said, I really think that as you get a little older, its important to have some time to yourself. But believe me, I often worry that I've become so picky and intolerant that there's just no way I could find anyone who would like me for who I am! I just try to convince myself that it's not the case :)

I guess this isn't the right time to say I was thinking of making a trip to Denver sometime this summer!