Sunday, June 15, 2008

Men, men, and more men

Hey peoples.

Yesterday I went on my first date. I have to say, the guy was super nice, but despite the name of the site, there was no chemistry. It was, however, such a great way to break into the dating scene again and I'm glad that I'm actively trying to search out someone else.

BUT the most exciting thing that happened yesterday is that I saw my ex-boyfriend, B-Ryce. After I saw that it was him, I literally ducked across the street to hide. He did not see me. For those that have known me for a little while, he was the law school guy that I dated 5 years ago for a year. Clean cut, all American, apple pie guy... he was the guy that I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to land. He has OCD, which he was sadly under medicated for and had some serious issues. He actually played a game with his roommate called "Tell me when you can see the poop." Because I know your head may explode from reading that, I'll answer some questions:
1) Yes, that is the real name of the game.
2) Yes, they were both guys.
3) Yes, it really is a game that they played multiple times.
4) Yes, it the name is very reflective of what the game was about.
5) No, they were never drunk when playing that game.

So anyway, there were MANY signs that indicated to me and others that he was gay. But a short while after we stopped dating I found out that he was going to marry someone. A female - this happened over three years ago.

But yesterday, while at the MINI dealership getting my car aligned, I saw him cross the street...I saw him go over to a man, hug him, kiss him on the lips, and then shop for a car together.

I'm not writing this post to make fun of him or to out someone. But I am writing because I was so happy to realize that him not wanting to have sex with me had everything to do with that I didn't have the correct appendage rather than that I wasn't cute enough, that I didn't have the cutest hairstyle, that I left rambling voice messages, that my place wasn't antiseptic enough, that I weighed too much, that I laughed too loud, that I didn't run enough, that I didn't live downtown, or that I didn't dress feminine enough. It was years of doubt that came to fruition in a very vindicating way.

Lastly, today marks one year since Jon and I broke up. I have learned so much about myself in this past year and have many of you to thank for your support, love, and thoughtfulness. I've realized that there are many reasons why people might choose to stray and have understood my place in that mix. I've realized that things are not so black and white.

I know - this wasn't a funny post - but it is the way that I feel today.


Marc said...

Not funny? Are you effing kidding me?! Gay, Straight, Bi, WHATEVER... "Tell me when you can see the poop." is a freaking hilarious game. I always break it out at parties, family get-togethers, and have even figured out a way to play solo. And I can tell you I certainly am giggling every time. Tasteless? Maybe. Offensive? To some. Tacky? Once (funeral). Not funny? Hell no.

Ginger said...

OK. First of all, you seriously dodged a bullet with that whole OCD poop guy. I'm sure he was nice and all, but really?

And as for that whole list of self-abusing statements -
A. They are NOT true
B. I have one too. How do we get rid of that goddamned list?

happyfunpants said...

Ging- you're the best. Seriously. :) And it's taken me years to know that even if that list IS true, I should be able to find someone who loves me anyway (and hopefully their list of the things that they love is longer than this list).

And I have no idea how to erase the list. But I suspect that the key is not looking for unconditional love in someone else's eyes. Or at least I think that's what Mr. Miagi (from Karate Kid) meant.