After my post on Sunday, I realized the truth in what I wrote...which is to say that I realized that something had to change.
Shortly after that, I went on a crazy cleaning/re-organizing binge in my house. I de-cluttered, scrubbed, and re-organized...and what I was left with was slightly less anxiety about my disdain for my current situation. I even picked up my journal and started writing instead of typing...allowing whatever came to my mind to be written down. It was very theraputic and helped me get in touch with the sadness that I have about various things. I started going back to church a couple of weeks ago and although I haven't found the right one (am I the only person who thinks that finding a church you connect with is like dating?) I've found things that I so clearly need to pay attention to in the services that I've attended. And that has brought about healing as well.
I even went through old pictures that I have digital copies of and had them printed up so I could put them up on my wall o' pictures.
My home? I'm starting to have more pride in it - and that makes it feel more like a place I want to be rather than a place I have to be.
It's a start.
20 hours ago