My Facebook friend could be Jesus or maybe a warewolf

Seven and a half months ago, I joined Facebook. Most days, I'm glad I did. Because like I wrote, since joining Facebook, I've been able to reconnect with people that I really do care about. In fact, the person that I mentioned in that post? I'm visiting him next month. In Seattle. With his wife. And their two kids. And he's trying to teach one of them to say "Happy Fun Pants" but it's a little tough for her. I believe she's 11.

On Facebook, I get to write smart ass things like this and this on people's pages. And wow. Sam? If you're reading this? I really am sorry about telling people that you spike your kids' drinks. I mean that you ALLEGEDLY spike your kids' drinks.

Here's the problem...with almost 300 "friends," I'm now getting some friend requests from people that I'd rather not be "friends" with. It's easy to say that you can just ignore them...and I get that. Really, I do. But when I do that, I feel guilty.

Because, what if they're Jesus?

You know what I mean, like that song "What if Jesus Comes Back Like That?" When I was a kid, we were told that we should be nice to everyone because what if it was Jesus coming back to test us to see if we really love people or if we just SAY we do so we can get more communion wine. If we shun Jesus, then we're really going to hell. It's like the mother of all pop quizzes.

As a kid, this concept lived pretty vividly in my brain. I lived in constant worry and guilt that if I didn't smile to the old guy at Wal-Mart that... POOF! Surprise! He's Jesus! And guess what Jesus got me at Wal-Mart? A lifetime of fire AND brimstone.*

That concept is a bit flawed really though...because if you think about it, why would Jesus come back as a hobo or a druggie or something to test us as? If He's so smart and He knows everything, then wouldn't He already KNOW how we're going to react?

You know, now that I think about it, it's a little silly to fear people because they might be Jesus.

It might make more sense to tell kids that you should be nice to everyone because some people are werewolves with a thin layer of people-skin on top. And if you're not nice, the werewolves will eat you.

First, it's a concept I think kids can get understand. Second, I think it might have a higher success rate, because while there's only one Jesus, there could be many werewolves. Third, it'd still get people to wear crosses around their necks - only this time for protection, instead of proclamation. Or are crosses supposed to ward of vampires?

Whatever, my point is, I feel passive aggressive by ignoring people's friend requests.

Perhaps I can ask them if they ARE Jesus first... if they're not, I'll just ignore them. Because Jesus can't lie, right? If it IS Jesus, I'll totally accept His friend request. Because after all, if that person IS Jesus, I kind of want to be able to sing this song sometime and have it be true.



* For the record, I feel that Wal-Mart is already a sort of hell.