Just call me Betty Crocker

Okay, so by now you might need to know that my co-worker, Lance, and I have a love-hate relationship. I would say brother-sister relationship, but the truth is, I'm not sure that either one of us would've made it out of our childhood alive had we been related. I'm by far closer to other friends in my life, but because we share a cubicle wall, I probably know Lance better than his wife knows him. Err...in different ways.

On a side note, Lance will likely be my boss. And I'm worried that that might change our relationship. I mean, shouldn't he have thought of that before he even interviewed? Yeah, I thought so too. The decision should be final this week and I'm a little worried. Obviously, as his friend, I want him to get the job. But selfishly, I don't want to lose a friend.

Anyway, Lance has his strengths. One of which is picking a great fantasy football team. I won our league last year - but I think Lance won almost all of the games.

We recently decided to bet (as we did last year) that whichever one of us won this week, the other would have to be the sissy and bring a baked good item. Last year, I brought banana bread for our first match up and he brought muffins the second match up. We were even.

This year, we only play once. And as of this morning, I was winning by 15 points. He had two players still to play tonight.

The game just went into overtime. Our score? Me: 93.68 Him: 97.02. My score is set. His score gets decreased by 3 every time Baltimore scores a touchdown. So even if Baltimore scores one more time I'll still lose by 0.34. Which means, barring Ward getting three negative yards, that it's impossible for me to win.

And that SUCKS.

Arrowhead Stadium = sucky

Seriously?!?!?

We lost to the CHIEFS!?!?!?

(sigh)

Yeah, yeah, Jo... I can hear you cheering from KC.

31

I alluded to the idea that me being 31 is somehow pushing me to make changes for the better in my life.

Here are ways I'm making changes:

1. Flossing. I've flossed for two days IN A ROW. I don't believe this has ever happened in my life. Seriously, WHO flosses twice a day? What about every day? I want to hear from you. UNLESS you're in the dental field...because then it doesn't count. You're abnormal. What? I'm just being honest.

2. Doing something physical with my body daily (in the absence of a boyfriend, I'm working out at the gym). It now is fun versus being something I had to do. I'm not quite sure when that switched, but hey, my body FEELS better when it's moved. Go figure.

3. Ironing. Seriously, I think I've lived off of the Downy Wrinkle Releaser since it's inception. I avoid clothes that can't have the wrinkles sprayed out of them...but lately I've been appreciating the crispness that comes from ironing. I'm not sure that this makes me a better person, but it makes me LOOK like a better person.

4. Caring about politics. And I know, people have differing views than me. What I can say about that is that I respect your views. But vote for chrissakes!! This year, I care very much about the political process in our country and I encourage you to get to know the candidates (first debate is tonight) and then exercise your ability to vote!

5. Getting up earlier/going to bed later. Again, my body LIKES sleep. And I get so much more done on the weekend when I'm not sleeping in until noon. Usually I'm up by 8...and that feels like sleeping in (compared to my normal 5:30 AM alarm) so I don't feel deprived. Please note that when the source of the exercise changes slightly (see above) I may start sleeping in again.

6. Driving safer. Alright, I'm not doing this all the time...but it is getting significantly better. Why, I think my mom could even be in the car with me without gasping and frantically trying to find the handle in the headliner of the car. Or at least without doing it as much.

7. Watching reruns of Matlock, Murder She Wrote, and Golden Girls. Really, this would just be a sign that I'm getting older... And I'm kidding about all of them...except Golden Girls. I still watch that from time to time. It reminds me of skiing and my best friend and it reminds me that cheesecake can still solve serious problems.

Reason # 485 why my co-workers will not miss me if I find a new job

I notice that I'm getting a call from a local outside sales guy for our company who always dials me directly rather than going through our receptionist. Like for a year...he dials me directly. No need to go through the receptionist EVER. I often give him crap and assume that my joke will not fool him for a moment.

I was wrong.

Me: [name of company], this is Anne

Him: Uh...yeah, Anne [last name that is NOT Kennedy],please.

Me: Sure, may I ask who's calling?

Him: David [his last name that is also not Kennedy].

Me: Hmmm...I don't have that name down as acceptable names to patch through.

Him: What? I'm a TSR (stands for technical sales rep) for [name of company]. It's me, David. David [his last name]

Me: Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else. Hold please.

Me (after a minute of humming boring hold music): Looks like I found her. Let me patch you through.

Me: [name of company], this is Anne.

Him: Hi!

.....and SCENE!

RE: the post below

FIRST, let me say that it is so wonderful reading comments, getting your emails, and even getting phone calls. Who knew so many of you read my blog? :) I am so very blessed to have friends like you.

Having said that I need to make sure that if I'm going to blog about a subject, perhaps I should be a little more clear. Perhaps I should start the blog posting after about 5:30 AM so that I am more clear. Perhaps I should stop drinking in the morning. Nahhh.

Anyway, somehow I came across in my previous posting that I was afraid of trainers, scared to go to a personal training session, or something of the like. Now, I AM afraid of roaches, mice in my house, of having my recurring nightmare where the Honey Nut Cheerio bee chases me around the house, and of Sarah Palin becoming our President...but trainers? Not so much. I'm happy to learn how to do anything that would teach me a better way to do things. I've been to a trainer before when I lived in Oklahoma and was pleased with the results.

My gym is a corporate one. You can say that it's open 24 hours. :) They offer me free samples of power bars, energy drinks, etc. every other time I'm in there. It is a national corporation a national business; one that is carefully crafted to make sure that they thrive even in these tough economic times. I bought the membership because it IS open 24 hours a day, it had the machines I wanted to work out on, they offer free classes, and it was within a price range I was willing to pay.

The guy who signed me up "sold" the free session as a free training session. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Dmitry said it was going to be a health assessment. I didn't know what that consisted of but was concerned that it involved weighing, discussions on my diet, calipers, and a way for them to up-sell the training sessions. I wasn't exactly seeing it as something worth my time...and actually when it came down to it, I didn't want the gym to be a place of discouragement. I wanted to keep that place as a stress reducer and a positive thing versus a place that I left feeling sad, discouraged, and down about where I am. Those things are not motivating to me...not even a little bit.

I was all set to cancel the session after Lance told me that it was only going to be a consultation. No working out. I called Dmitry and he assured me that although I wouldn't be able to leave there with a concrete plan on what to do, that I would get something out of it.

He was wrong.

It took an hour and a half. An hour and a half of him telling me that I was overweight and telling me about how I needed to do resistance training as well as cardio. I kept nodding to try to move him faster. I've come to know a few truths in this world. One of them is that there is no rushing Dmitry.

Hell, he even had visual graphics showing me pyramids and dots and lines showing how bodies should be lined up. Despite me telling him that I already have an eating plan that I'm very happy with (which happens to be a nationally acclaimed program that doctors recommend), he could not be deterred from his script. He was disappointed that I didn't want him to use the calipers and figure out my body fat percentage. I emphatically don't want to concentrate on those numbers now.

Eventually, I started to zone out...I started to concentrate on the emerging cold sore or zit on the edge of his lip. Seriously, that thing GREW in the hour and a half! And I couldn't determine if it was a cold sore or a zit. I, sadly, gave this way more thought than necessary.

In the end, he was trying to push me into buying supplements and signing up for the next training session - one where we would really get down to the meat of things and we would have a plan. It was easy to tell him no.

I am still really happy about the gym. I feel like it is a great way for me to reduce my stress level, be healthier, and for me to have time for me. I'm not going to stop going to the gym, and personal training may be something that I think about for the future.

However; I'm still worried about the possibility of Sarah Palin running our country.

Tuesdays with Dmitry

Today I meet with a personal trainer.

When I joined my gym a week ago they guy who signed me up was trying to get me to buy personal training sessions. I kept saying no. So he told me that he would give me a free session and then asked if that was okay. I tried not to beat up on myself, but in my mind I was all "Have you seen me? Perhaps I can start by losing 450 pounds and then we can talk about toning" but then I remembered that this time, this time I'm losing weight, is going to be different. I'm taking a healthier approach and have decided that I'm doing things that are healthier for my mind, body, and spirit. And adding some weight training would be healthier for my body. So I said yes to a one time free training session.

Dmitry, the guy who is has things to be self conscious about too (he's about three apples tall) is going to teach me how to be healthier today. What I thought was going to be a re-introduction to the weight machines, turns out to be an overall health assessment. Which I am so very not looking forward to. He indicated that he'd like me to get on the exercise machines and see me work out. Umm...can we skip that part and all agree that I'm overweight? PLEASE? Because if you watch me AND you put me on a treadmill, I'm likely to trip and take out all the people behind me. FOR THE SAFETY OF YOUR OCCUPANTS, please don't make me do that.

Last week, I looked forward to working out each day. Today I'm dreading it. And I don't want that place to be a place I dread. I'm dreading it because while I'm trying to do something good for myself, I don't want judgement. I don't want someone to look at me, shake their head, and say something that will allow me to make an excuse to never come back. I've debated cancelling the appointment or at least re-scheduling until I feel better about whatever he's going to say. I guess I'm most frustrated because what I'm getting is not what I want. What I'm getting is a health assessment and since I already feel so very low about my health I don't want to feel lower. I thought I was getting an introduction to how all the machines work.

Maybe I'll call him today. Maybe I'll call him and ask in greater detail what is supposed to go down. And explain to him what I thought it was going to be like...and then ask if there is something in the middle we can agree on. I'm hoping he'll understand since he probably has been self concious of his height. I'm hoping he'll understand what it's like to be teased and judged. While I know that it's likely that he's a high school bully, or at least that he still acts like one, I guess I just want reassurance that I'm not going to leave there crying either.

Conversation from a birthday dinner party on Saturday night

Me (to the lady sitting to the right of me): Hi. I don't think I've met you. My name is Anne.

Her: Hi. My name is Deena. But I think we have met.

Me (awkwardly): Oh. Are you sure? Well, I'm sorry. I'm so forgetful (ed note: I am not). Then it's nice to meet you again.

Her: Well, maybe we didn't meet.

Me: Um...okay.

Her: Maybe I just think we met because you have such a common face.

Me: Ow. You do know that I'm sitting right here, right?

Her: Oh, sorry. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's not that you're ugly per se, just a face that probably everyone thinks they've seen.

Me (trying to turn the conversation to on the left side of me) : Um...okay then.

Her: Sorry, I think this keeps coming out wrong. It's just that your face looks like so many others. There's nothing distinguishable about it. So it's easy for me to think that I've seen it before.

Me: Wow. You do know that you're saying things out loud and that I can hear them, right?

Her: Well, you could act! You look like you would be great as an extra in a movie. You know, as a role of someone not important. Yes, you look like you're not important to someone's role in life.

Me: I don't know how else to say this. You're being rude. I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Her: Wait! What'd I say wrong? It's not like I said you were that ugly sidekick that every movie has. I mean, you do have the red hair so you could be that side kick. Not that I think red hair is ugly. I would never pick it, but it's nice for people like you.

Me (to the guy across from me): Is she still talking? Do you want to switch seats with me?

Guy (to her): Um...you should probably just stop now.

Her: Oh. Okay then. Well, it was nice to meet you.

Catching up...

First, yes - I know my header sucks. But I'm working on fixing it. Really. Right after I finish this beer Bible verse.

Things have been going really well for me this week - I've actually kept up with the re-organization and actually allowed (gasp!) Monica to come over to my place this weekend. Monica and her daughter, Lexi, used to watch Chassis when I used to travel with my old job. They both swear that she's grown because she now is officially the size of a small pony. Speaking of ponies, I'm working on trying to find a saddle for a Halloween costume for my dog. If anyone knows of a good place to get one, please let me know! This is the closest that Elizabeth and I came to making Chassis a small horse.
In other news, I joined a gym and have worked out every day since I joined. Except today. And no, for all you smart asses out there, I did not join yesterday. :) It felt a little weird not going today - and logistically, I can't really go tomorrow. So I'll have to skip it for two whole days in a row. I don't want to turn into a gym rat (or any rat for that matter), but I do love the feeling of getting rid of stress. Plus, I when I'm on the elliptical machine, I don't have to worry about falling off or endangering the lives of pedestrians.

So, I also ordered some fantastic hair stuff from QVC. It's the same stuff that I've been using, I just found it cheaper there. I recognize that I'm one of the few people under the age of 75 that ordered stuff from QVC...I'm sure they were shocked that I didn't want to order a matching quilt or shiny ring along with it. I was bummed when I opened up the package just to find that two of the products had apparently exploded in the box. Not only did it look like I had opened up two bottles that were clearly enjoying themselves, but it was messy. So I called QVC and told the guy that my bottles had leaked. I was all prepared to deal with having to send back the offending package when I was told that they would just ship two new bottles out. This is where I say that the bottles weren't exactly 100% exploded. I only lost about 10% of the product. I got up and did my happy dance. I'm not going to tell you how much these bottles were, but let's just say that two free bottles will make buying a saddle for Chassis easier.

Lastly, I got my energy bill yesterday and noted that it was HALF of the amount as the month before. Sure, this is due to me being cost conscious and earth conscious. But what really excited me was that it just means that that's more money for beer my IRA.

So really? Things have been pretty damn good this week. If I get the courage, I'll post a blog about how badly my fantasy football team is sucking. Seriously, they keep getting beaten like the redheaded stepchildren they represent. (sigh)

Slightly less poop to figure out...

After my post on Sunday, I realized the truth in what I wrote...which is to say that I realized that something had to change.

Shortly after that, I went on a crazy cleaning/re-organizing binge in my house. I de-cluttered, scrubbed, and re-organized...and what I was left with was slightly less anxiety about my disdain for my current situation. I even picked up my journal and started writing instead of typing...allowing whatever came to my mind to be written down. It was very theraputic and helped me get in touch with the sadness that I have about various things. I started going back to church a couple of weeks ago and although I haven't found the right one (am I the only person who thinks that finding a church you connect with is like dating?) I've found things that I so clearly need to pay attention to in the services that I've attended. And that has brought about healing as well.

I even went through old pictures that I have digital copies of and had them printed up so I could put them up on my wall o' pictures.

My home? I'm starting to have more pride in it - and that makes it feel more like a place I want to be rather than a place I have to be.

It's a start.

What got me to literally LOL

Alright...I know you guys don't come here for political stuff... and so far I've stayed away from posting about it.

But I saw this skit on Saturday night and laughed so hard. They make fun of both women...okay, mostly Palin because of the stuff she's said in recent interviews, but it's still really funny.



And I'm sorry if you had to watch a short commercial before the clip...but NBC keeps shutting down any YouTube clips of it.

My slumps, my lovely lady slumps...

I'm in a slump...so I needed a blog that wasn't quite so pretty, quite so bright, and quite so summery.

I'm okay - really I am. And despite my written spewage to Ginger yesterday, I've got a plan to get myself out of the slump. The plan: figure out my poop.

Not my literal poop. But my mental poop. Like wanting to date guys and then me being completely freaked out when someone shows interest. Me not wanting to move from Denver but being unhappy with where I'm at. Me not wanting to make plans for anything long term for fear that I will move...and instead finding myself in a holding pattern.

Oh, and there's the small subject of a certain someone. A person who does not read this site anymore, a person who I miss very much but can't really talk about for the fear of what that makes me as a person. I know, I'm being cryptic. I know, it's probably irritating. Just suffice it to say that out of all the things I don't even know if I want (including what to have for lunch), this is the one thing I know I do want.

This post didn't intend to be this dark...but rather to introduce my new dark design. But I guess I felt I owed you some insight into my life.

Germalicious

I don't know what I'm allergic to here in Colorado...but whatever it is, I want it to stop growing now.

I sound like any actress on a NyQuill or DayQuill commercial. You know, the ones that look like they're on meth? Anyway, I've been on round the clock medicine to try to keep my sore throat, itchy eyes, sleepy-head, runny nose, sneezing, coughing, and pounding headache at bay. I'm really just trying to not get a sinus infection. Because I can feel that all of the crap I'm taking is slowing it just enough to make everything goopy. And yes, I know... that makes you hot. To make matters worse, I'm not even sleeping well.

I was hoping that this would go away so that you would not have to read my whining in painstaking detail. accurate depiction of my illness.

However, that has not happened. And it's Friday. You should be able to expect a post on Friday, right?

Well, here. Now that you've read this, please go and wash your eyeballs. You never know what you might pick up from my site.

Clarification to my BLL letter

RE: the post below

It's important that you know that my endorsement of Bud Light Lime is biased. I already liked the taste of Bud Light. So I don't want to start hearing about your new high-falootin' beer choices and how I must be white trash since I think Bud Light is tasty. It's not like I'm saying I like Shlitz Malt Liquor! It does not compare to Blue Moon or other choices I'd rather drink. But it is only 2 points a beer. If you don't know what I mean by points, please for the love of anything you can over indulge on, count yourself lucky. Also, I learned to tolerate appreciate the taste of beer near St. Louis - and because AB has a big presence there, I drank Bud Light. Even though I'm this close to the cold Rockies, I don't typically choose Coors (pronounced "coo-rs" here in Colorado versus "cores" like people from anywhere else) products.

Here's a fun tip: my friend says that anything with lime in it makes her break out in cold sores. And I don't want to be blamed for ruining your job interview, your chances of being asked to the prom by that special someone, or even your Facebook pictures.

Also, I'm kidding about being drunk or even drinking often. I don't want to start getting the AA literature slipped underneath my door, concerned emails, or be on A&E's "Intervention." I joke about being drunk because it's something that makes me laugh. Well, being drunk makes me laugh, but joking about how much someone could drink is funny. (sigh) Okay, you're right. It shouldn't be. It's an illness. I GET IT. When I was talking to a co-worker yesterday, I was aksed if I really did drink that much. And that's when I realized that you, dear people, might not know that I am kidding 99.9% of the time. Just to put it in perspective, that's a bigger percentage than Ivory is pure.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to my drinking very important work.

A letter to a new favorite taste...

Dear Bud Light Lime,

When I first heard of you, I thought that you would be gross. Or at least overwhelmingly lime-y.

But you aren't. You're delicious.

In fact, I can see quite the future for you and I. I see various drunk-dials, drunken emailing, and perhaps even an eBay purchase or two that I will undoubtedly regret.

Oh, BLL. You complete me. I look forward to enjoying you more, even if my liver wishes differently.

Thirstily,
Me

More proof...

"Bob" drives a Sebring. A mauve convertible Sebring.

Not that there's anything wrong with that....

What I'm not doing today

Today the guy that is nationally in charge of all the people who do what I do is in town. He is in town to interview the people who applied for the manager position for the people at our location that do what I do. I did not apply.

When it came down to it, it just didn't feel right. It's a job that I normally would've jumped for the chance to apply for...but I guess it's me getting older, wiser, learning to not find my self-worth in titles, or plain old just more full of myself. See, the headaches that would be involved in that job aren't going to be offset by enough money to warrant said headaches. And I guess I feel that my time is worth more than that.

It is weird though as I'm pretty sure that there are only two candidates and one seems like a significantly better choice than the other. And not just because he prances and the other spits seeds at me.

So today? I'm just going to do my job.

Eric Hutchinson is pretty good.

Seriously people. You simply must check out Eric Hutchinson.

How often do I tell people that they should do something and then it turns out badly for them? Okay BESIDES whatever it is that you're thinking of. (sigh) Yes, the next thing too.

Here. Here is his video to "Rock and Roll"


Now do you believe me? His album "Sounds Like This" is among the VERY few albums that I've actually liked all the songs on it. In fact, I can't remember the last time I've only heard one song by an artist, bought the album for a very reasonable price, and then loved all the songs.

I saw his myspace page and noticed that he was due to play in Tucson last week. I contacted the only person I know who lives there - she was set to go (and to purchase a shirt that says "Eric Hutchinson is pretty good" for me) and then she sprained her ankle.

I guess I'll have to order the t-shirt myself. Gah! I have to do EVERYTHING. It's like PRISON!

And by the way, he's funny. I can't wait to see him when he comes to Denver! :)

Peoria

Good grief! I can't/don't want to believe that this weekend is over.

This weekend I went to my best friend's place to visit - and had so much fun that I definitely didn't want this weekend to end. It's true, that when Kelly and I visit with each other, you never really know what you're going to get. One time, we ended up stranded on the side of the road in Arkansas because driving to Memphis that weekend seemed like a great idea. A good idea until the fuel pump went out on highway. That led us to a Waffle House in the middle of nowhere where I guy was dancing/drunken swaying to "Hillbilly Shoes." At several points in the song, he sang to his hands. Note to self: METH IS BAD.

Anyway, I gave her the afghan and she said she loved it - which was very much a relief. It matched her furniture downstairs and Buttercup (their bulldog) approved.

And, at long last, I got to see my t-shirt quilt. The quilt is bigger than a king size bedspread and has flannel in between the shirts and on the back. I absolutely love it and feel like it is a great way to honor some of the events that I participated in from 1995 - 2000. I only wish I hadn't given away, lost, traded, or set fire to the missing t-shirts. I'm glad that I have the one where I helped break a world record (no, I'm not kidding) as well as ones that remind me of the summer jobs I had. I helped with the binding for the quilt too - so that was nice for her to save a piece so I could feel a part of it.

Just so you can see the detail of the daisies in the flannel on the front (the back is red flannel with a super cute pattern):
For those that are wondering, the Ben & Jerry's shirt was from the Head RA trip that Patrick and I took to Vermont (not just because I like B&J's). That trip is SUPPOSED to be a ton of fun...or so I heard from Jon and Diane (the HRAs before me). Ours, however, was a tad different. Our adviser, James, (the only other person we knew in Vermont) had a divorce that was finalized on the first day of our trip. A divorce that he did not want. So was it a happy fun trip? Not so much. In fact, the only highlight of the trip was going to the factory tour...ahhh....good memories.

The best thing is that she made a label for the quilt... the label actually says:
"To Anne: Here's to quilts, we love them best, we love them best when we need rest...Made with love by Kelly, August 2008" which is a VERY G-rated version of a toast we used to shout when we imbibed a tad too much. In fact, the toast had nothing to do with quilts or rest. It's another memory that I can laugh at - and one that my kids will shake their heads at and feel sorry for their lame mom and her friend that must really love quilts. Side note: I am looking forward to being that uncool mom.

Until then, I'm just glad I'm home. My quilt and I are on the couch while Chassis is snoring. Boarding her must be pretty stressful because when she comes home from it, she typically sleeps for 12 hours straight. In fact, I just got up and tried to coax her to go outside and she was all "Where is the snooze button for you?"