So sad it's silly...

So the blog page is coming along beautifully thanks to Jen.

I've been looking for some cool fonts to use as my header. Wait, let me rephrase. I've been looking for new fonts for Jen to use in my header.

I came across a font called "Bring In The Frowns."

These are so sad, they're cute.

I wonder how they got to be so sad... maybe it's because you'd have to pay $24.00 to use them. I would think they would be vastly under-used. Our economy must be bad when even letters can't get work.

And by the way, when did the test sentence of change from "the quick fox jumped over the brown log and some other words to make this sentence have every letter in it including z" to the, by comparison, lengthy statement they have at the bottom of the page?

The paragraph starts with us picking jonquils and ends with jaded zombies driving oxen quietly. Which, in all honesty, perplexes me. I mean, if zombies are going to show themselves in public, will they really be intent on motivating oxen? And what do they have to be jaded about? They're frickin' UNDEAD. Cranky, smelly, or even tired I could buy...but jaded?

Why, it makes me frown just thinking about it.

Bike to work day, part duex

I made it to work on Wednesday without getting hit by a car once! :)

Actually, that is not as big of a feat as not throwing up or passing out. Ever since my problem with my balls, I've been a little dizzy in the mornings...and when I bike without having anything in my stomach I start feeling really woozy. I've tried eating and then waiting 30 minutes - which according to my mom is enough time to settle the stomach for anything - and I will throw up after biking for about 5 minutes. It's really nice for the other cyclists, walkers, drivers passing by, and my overall attractiveness factor.

My co-worker, Larry the cyclist, told me that he has that problem too. He recommended eating a package of these little blocks of energy, stating that they taste just like gummy bears.

Larry is a liar.

First, when you start chewing them, they almost start melting in your mouth. They taste of not of delectable sweets from my past but rather some sort of health gel. Also, they are not in the shape of gummy bears, which is half of the enjoyment of eating gummies.

However, these little blocks of energy goo kept me from tossing my cookies...er...gel blocks... and kept me on my bike.

The actual biking was fun even if the ride back was brutal due to the heat wave that Denver has been experiencing. It was a short ride and if I ride my bike partially to work again, I'll make sure to do so in the fall.

Plus, I have a free t-shirt. And really, isn't that the most important thing?

New look coming soon!

My good friend Jen is designing a blog page especially for me! I am so excited about it that I'm having a hard time making decisions!

You can view the preview of it here and see how it evolves! :)

Thanks so much Jen!!!! :) :) :) :) She has designed several websites so far and they all have their own feel - which I think is absolutely great. I have some ideas about what I definitely do want (three columns, label cloud, etc.), but the general design is what I'm stumbling on.

I'm sure I'm the worst client she's had. Because I'm all "Oh! That would be pretty too!" I having a hard time deciding what I would like - which I'm sure makes her want to beat me silly with a pair of happy fun pants. :)

I'm having a hard time deciding if I want to try to work in the story of the happy fun pants or if I want to go with something with daisies. Because, unless you live in some sort of compound, you probably know by now that I adore daisies.

They don't teach you that in Sunday School...

Okay, this post is not for the faint at heart.

Today, my friend Kelly Story stopped by to drop off a free ticket for next week's 4th of July shindig. I'm not sure what's involved other than fireworks, drag racing, and beer, but I think it'll be fun anyway. :)

So for some reason, I went over to Lance's cube. And one of our other co-workers walks up and says "Jokes are funny." Pause.

He says that he's got a great joke.

But then he can't remember it.

So he tried to remember it.

Still no joke.

We tried to change the subject and that's when he said "What's the difference between rape and seduction?" My jaw dropped.

He can't remember the punchline. I really tried to change the subject.

He says, "I remember! Salesmanship."

Uh. I said "That's not funny, it's scary. And untrue."

A guy from the shop walks up, having heard this and says, "it's like my buddy used to say...when a Jehovah Witness comes to his door and asks if he found Christ, he says, 'Yeah and I want to file press charges because he raped me.' Haha. When they ask me that I just say I worship Satan. And you know? I've never had one person come back."

I was all WHAT?!?!!?! I don't even know what else to say.

I mean, I am shocked. All this time, I thought Jesus was a pacifist!

Okay, seriously... what is WRONG with the people I work with?

Thoughts of mine

People, I've got a lot of thoughts bouncing around my mind these day - so many, in fact, that I feel like I don't even know where to start blogging about them. Some are not important, and some are worrisome. UGH.

For instance, I'm finding that I don't want to be around people for some reason. I'm really not sure what that is about, but it's true! Like, if I have the option of hanging out with friends, volunteering, or even going on a date, I'm just not that into it.

I have a busy docket for the next couple of weeks - and maybe that's the issue.

Maybe I've gotten more introverted as I've grown up.

Maybe it's because I spend all day on the phone striving to give the best customer service to people who could care less.

Maybe it's because my thoughts seem to be revolving around an issue that there is no win-win to...one that I have a hard time talking to people about for fear of judgement, advice I am not asking for, or worse, the realization that there will never be a win-win.

I'm not sure, but I just want my space these days.

And what I see that I'm doing is pushing away people that I do care about. Because the alternative to doing something with these people is watching re-runs of Top Chef or some crap like that. (Which, by the way, I LOVE BRAVO TV!)

Anyway, if you can help me figure out how to get over this, that'd be swell. I find myself these days replying "yes" for things and then as they're coming closer I'm all "that would cut into my happy fun pants wearing time." It's not the money involved...it's not the driving...it's not even usually the specific people. It's that they are people.

Am I crazy?

Tell me you've gone through this, you know someone who has, or you have some sort of suggestion...because I have no clue WTF to do about it all.

Bike to work day

Today is Colorado's Bike To Work Day.

And even though I live quite a distance from work, I'm going to participate... by biking PART of the way to work.

I'm nervous because our company has actually entered a competition with other small companies (clarification: our company is big, but our office in Denver is small) and right now (according to our coordinator) we are in the lead with people.

I committed to going, I scoped out my route yesterday and I am relatively excited to go.

I couldn't sleep all night because I kept waking up, sure that I had slept through an alarm and not left me enough time to bike to work. Then I'd be called a wussy and likely stoned.

So - I'm off to work (okay, after I pack my bag).

Like I say to my dog every day when I leave:
Okay, I love you. I'll be back later. Be a good internet*, guard the blog* while I'm gone.

* = with Chassis, I say girl and house, respectively. :)

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!

Email today (non-doctored - the lines, breaks, punctuation, etc. are all his):

----start of message----
Goodness. _
Has anyone ever told you,
that you look like that actress who played Marsha...in the Brady Bunch?
Unfortunately, I cant remember her name now.
`
Uhh...No, I wasn't paying you a complement because I want you to like me.
_*L.O.L.*_
I simply mentioned it, because its true.

---end of message----

Now, this was from a guy who was in his 40s, so maybe he had a thing for Maureen McCormick, but she is now 52.

Ummm...just so you know, you're not going to get in a 31 year old's pants by saying that she looks like she's 52. Or, if he loved the early episodes, maybe he wants me to look like I'm 13 years old. But really? Whichever one he's hoping I look like means that he will be disappointed.

I simply mention it because it's true.

Today's chemistry picture

Today I woke up to see what five matches chemistry.com had for me.

In one of the profiles, the guy had this picture:
While I get why he'd like to make sure that everyone else's identity in the picture was hidden, did he realize that it looks like a Guantanamo Bay luncheon?

Seriously - doesn't it look like there are cloth bags over their heads?

Might want to look that up...

So I opened up my dating site this morning...was perusing through the "matches" that they sent me.

There is one who did not put up a picture...I read this and started laughing, knowing that I would need to share:

"First of all I am not a photogenic person, but I'm pleasing to the eyes. I won't hurt you at first sight. I've been told I'm passive-aggressive, whatever that means. If I see something I like I go after it. Other than that I'm passive and cool. I like to go out to eat, but I can stay home and get down in the kitchen. "

(sigh)

Seriously, I cannot make this stuff up.

Men, men, and more men

Hey peoples.

Yesterday I went on my first chemistry.com date. I have to say, the guy was super nice, but despite the name of the site, there was no chemistry. It was, however, such a great way to break into the dating scene again and I'm glad that I'm actively trying to search out someone else.

BUT the most exciting thing that happened yesterday is that I saw my ex-boyfriend, B-Ryce. After I saw that it was him, I literally ducked across the street to hide. He did not see me. For those that have known me for a little while, he was the law school guy that I dated 5 years ago for a year. Clean cut, all American, apple pie guy... he was the guy that I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to land. He has OCD, which he was sadly under medicated for and had some serious issues. He actually played a game with his roommate called "Tell me when you can see the poop." Because I know your head may explode from reading that, I'll answer some questions:
1) Yes, that is the real name of the game.
2) Yes, they were both guys.
3) Yes, it really is a game that they played multiple times.
4) Yes, it the name is very reflective of what the game was about.
5) No, they were never drunk when playing that game.

So anyway, there were MANY signs that indicated to me and others that he was gay. But a short while after we stopped dating I found out that he was going to marry someone. A female - this happened over three years ago.

But yesterday, while at the MINI dealership getting my car aligned, I saw him cross the street...I saw him go over to a man, hug him, kiss him on the lips, and then shop for a car together.

I'm not writing this post to make fun of him or to out someone. But I am writing because I was so happy to realize that him not wanting to have sex with me had everything to do with that I didn't have the correct appendage rather than that I wasn't cute enough, that I didn't have the cutest hairstyle, that I left rambling voice messages, that my place wasn't antiseptic enough, that I weighed too much, that I laughed too loud, that I didn't run enough, that I didn't live downtown, or that I didn't dress feminine enough. It was years of doubt that came to fruition in a very vindicating way.

Lastly, today marks one year since Jon and I broke up. I have learned so much about myself in this past year and have many of you to thank for your support, love, and thoughtfulness. I've realized that there are many reasons why people might choose to stray and have understood my place in that mix. I've realized that things are not so black and white.

I know - this wasn't a funny post - but it is the way that I feel today.

Take that, high school English teachers!

I got this from my friend, Jen. I'm not sure where she found it from, but yay!

Movie Reviews

I have to say that I don't think that this is accurate because really? Nothing about my blog is genius.

That, however, will not stop me from sending that picture to my high school English teachers who clearly did not like my writing style, content, readability, or even font.

Cornered

The lady who smells like cigarettes and sunflower seeds has a bad habit. She's a close talker. She's a close everything...but a REALLY close talker. Like, she'll come up to you and tell you something, but gets about 6 inches away from your face. It really gets gross when she's eating sunflower seeds at the same time and little sunflower seed spittles fly out of her mouth.

Because of her, I've gotten good at ducking spit. And therefore, my skills at dodging kisses from unwated suitors (I'm going to pretend that there will be some in my future) are getting better. Did I just wish unwanted suitors upon myself? Yes, apparently I did.

Anyway, I've gotten pretty good about slowly backing away as she's talking to me. It works best if I cross my legs as I'm standing and then slowly back one leg behind the other - almost as is I'm fidgeting and that's why I'm moving my legs. She'll move closer and I'll move further away - a little dance interrupted by coughing and sunflower particles experiencing their airborne freedom.

Today, during a facinating story of the last movie she saw on Lifetime TV (no, I'm not kidding), we moved the space of 2 full cubicles.

She didn't even realize that we had walked all that way together.

Joining the cyber-dating world

Last night I did it.

I joined the cyber-dating world.

My profile is...um..okay.

So far I've had not the best luck though.

The one guy that was interested in me so far is an Aussie (hello! I love accents!) but he is literally only interested in a "casual encounter" relationship. He's in a relationship, but he's looking for a lover on the side because "we all need love."

Um...no. I wouldn't even shake his hand. Are you kidding me? I'd be just asking for an STD.

And WHY did he have to say that was all he's interested in? Why can't he just buy me a couple drinks, try to get as far as he can with me, and then never call me again like other guys have tried to do?

I guess I have to give him points for being upfront. However creepy it might be.

Less of a chance that Chaney might shoot me in the face...

Last night I finished my taxes.

Yay!

What?

Tax day is June 10th, right?

So. Very. Excited.

Remember the whole reason of why I started this blogspot account? It was because my blogs on myspace were getting deleted...as I entered a new blog, I would erase my oldest one. And that's just sad.

Today, I was remembering that statement that once something is on the internet, it can't really ever be erased. So I googled "happy fun pants" and came up with a cached version of my old blog stuff on myspace.

I wish that I could have copied the comments too. Suffice it say, I was thrilled that the stuff I'd written was found again.

I do remember deleting a lot of stuff about Jon after we broke up. And honestly? I wish I hadn't. I'm not necessarily happy about how that relationship ended, but at the same time, it happened. And I don't ever want to delete things in my life - I'm stronger for having gone through them - no matter what hell it felt like at the time.

Anyway, I'm not necessarily expecting you to go back and read the archives (everything pre- February 2008) but I'm glad that my favorite blog posts are reunited with me. :)

My favorites? Funny or not so funny?, What's In A Name?, and How Not to End a Date.

(sigh)

I love the internet. :)

I can't drive...35!

Today I opened my mail and saw this:

For the record, 35 is a stupid speed to be going in that area anyway.


What makes it worse was that I KNEW that I got the ticket when it happened. I was driving to get my new haircut.


And I think we can all agree that *that* was money well spent.

Oh, and the officer's name? Operator Peace. Way to mock me, electronic ticket/picture taker van.

Incidentally, I'm thinking of using the picture as the one to go out with Christmas cards this year. Let me know if you'd like one for your wallet. :)

Never again!!!!

Songs I never want to hear again:
ANY song by Nickleback. I can't pick one out from another because THEY ALL SOUND THE SAME. And by same, I mean bad.

The ad I never want to see again:
The stupid Yoplait ad where the women are dressed up in bridesmaid dresses talking about how good the yogurt is ("burning this dress good!") UGH! Seriously? How many more years am I going to have to see this crap? I think it's been on for a decade and I can't take it anymore. I literally don't want to buy Yoplait because of that commercial. It's like "I want to scream during the whole commercial so I don't have to hear it again bad."

And yes, listening to these IS like prison!

Victory...

Today I heated up a meal for lunch and was oh-so careful to remove the top so I wouldn't get burnt by the steam in the container.

Me (after I removed the top without getting burnt): Yeah, that's right steam! You can suck it!

One co-worker: Wow. I'd like to spend some time in her mind.

Short pause.

Me and the other people in the same room at the same time: No you wouldn't.

I've got WHAT?!?!

Sorry I've been MIA the last couple of days.

I had a good day on Saturday, errands were completed, appointments were made, and I even hung out with some friends.

Then I had a headache. A bad one.

I went to bed, woke up on Sunday and realized that it had gotten worse. Since nothing else was working , I took a narcotic that I had from an old root canal (great idea by the way) and realized that I was so nauseous and dizzy that attempting to sleep it off was the only option.

Monday morning? Same thing.

So I went to the doctor.

Did you know that you have balls in your ears? Well you do.

That you don't know that you do means that your balls are fine. Mine on the other hand? Slightly defective.

That's what causes the spinning, the dizziness, the nausea, and the kleptomania.

What? Your soup spoon totally looks better in my house than it did yours.